Youth Elixir III: EvilAuthors VS The Titanic
by evilspoofauthorCassi
Summary: All chaps have been edited and replaced. Basically this is Spoof on breaktime and to get ready for the Titanic Spoof they have to know the ship and people on it so while this is done it's turned into a 5 yr old war and a huge party w lots of laughs.
1. RMS Really Messy Ship

**"THE EVILAUTHORS VS THE TITANIC: YOUTH ELIXIR III"**

By: EvilSpoofAuthors Cassi & Sven

_A/N This is a re-upload Chapter Edited By Cassi. As of 2010, Sven has quit spoof-writing for good. So anything added after the previously posted chapters is by Cassi. Though some help from EvilSpoofAuthors Becca & Amanda will likely be needed as well._

**Warning: **All Warning labels will be left in the story.** (in case you can't tell)**

**Warning 2: **This story contains Character death…however since Chris brought him back, I suppose it doesn't really count. But hey they say to include warnings in the event of a Character death. There was no rule saying to not include the ones we brought back. If there are any other deaths at this time, I know nothing about them. (slips the gun to Archie and holds up empty hands) See? I'm not even armed.

"Um—"

"Shut up, Pet."

"Shutting up, ma'am." Archie replies, dropping his voice to a whisper. "Though you might want to put a jacket on over that great big hunting knife."

"Oh right." Cassi responds, slipping her leather jacket on. "Where was I?"

"Unarmed." Archie reminds her.

"Right." Cassi continues. "I'm completely innocent of any deaths in this story."

On with the original story.

* * *

For those wondering, the reason we're doing this is because we are planning to spoof the movie, (Already fully casted) and after intense studying, we decided to visit the ship itself, lock it in a time warp long before it sinks and then use our own methods to completely crack the Officers and have a little bit of fun while we learn the way around the_ real_ ship.

Also, as the EvilAuthors have taken a liking to Second Officer Charles Lightoller. (from reading his own account of the sinking-as he was grossly miss featured in the movie) We were planning to completely crack the man before making him a temp. Assistant for the spoof of Titanic.

So most of the mischief was created by us of course with the addition of 2 of the senior Officers (Murdoch and Lightoller) who were in _desperate_ need of a few laughs. For those wondering, we completely disagree with the rumors that Murdoch shot himself as there were two witnesses who saw how he died. [Gracie was with him just before the wave caught the boat deck, and Lightoller saw him get engulfed by it and drown] There is more proof that it was really Chief Officer Wilde who did the shooting, or even the Purser McElroy, but you can come to your own conclusions. (this is just our point of view)

Right, now that all that's out of the way, we, with Amanda, and Becca and their groups get to sack the Titanic...before the iceberg does.

* * *

**WARNING:** Rollerblading in First Class is not often appreciated...too bad we missed that memo. (grin)

* * *

**PROLOGUE: "RMS = REALLY MESSY SHIP"**

**SPOOFSET BLUE ROOM**

In the blue walled room all seated on the plush blue carpeting, the insane people behind the spoofs were doing research on the Titanic story so they could point out all the mistakes made in the movie. Making it a point to cover anything they could find on the sinking and the people who were involved in some way.

Cassi, Sven, Amanda, Becca, and the other Assistants were seated on the floor around a Television set with a DVD/VCR. Strewn across the floor around them were a pile of books, a couple DVD's, and the two-video movie of_ Titanic_, not to mention the two-disc collector's Edition of the movie which included all the deleted scenes. (some of which we will be adding back in for the spoof as we believe some should have been left in)

Sven sighed and dropped a book on the floor. "This isn't working." She spoke up.

"Tell me about it." Cassi muttered, swallowing two Excedrin. "They had most of the Officers all _wrong_!"

Romano held up a black hard cover book. "How come they cut the _Californian_ out of the movie?"

He asked, pointedly. "I thought hearing about the Officers wanting to shoot it with a cannon was pretty funny."

"Where is that written?" Elizabeth demanded. "You aren't serious!"

Romano handed her the book. "Boxhall said it while launching the rockets to Quartermaster Rowe." He informed her, smugly. (Yes, this is FACT!)

Cassi held up another book. "Lightoller was thinking it." She replied, absently. "He said so in his book."

"Thus explaining why you wanna make him an Assistant." Cosmo put in.

Riddick dumped yet another book on the floor. "This says there's no evidence that Murdoch killed himself." He added. "The movie messed up a lot."

"He couldn't have." Cassi answered. "Lightoller saw him when the wave hit him and Gracie was with him most of that time."

"That guy with the shakes in the DVD said he thought it was What's-His-Name . . . the other guy that did it." Amanda remembered.

"Walter Lord." Cassi corrected. "I agree. I think it was Wilde. They all hated him anyway, because he took Murdoch's place as Chief, and bumped all of them down one rank _and_ he was the only one unaccounted for at the ending."

"He was also the one who asked Lightoller where the guns were." Sven added.

"About those guns..." Romano cut in. "That thing of Lightoller threatening to shoot them like dogs with an empty gun was hysterical."

"NO!" Becca cried in surprise. "The gun was _empty!"_

"Yep, says so in his book." Cassi answered.

"And the movie." Sven added. "He threatened them and _then _loaded the gun, while Lowe stood by and covered for him."

"You're right." Mid retorted with a grin. "I _do _like him."

"So which did you want to bring to the Set?" Haldir asked, pointedly. "Aside of the obvious."

Cassi picked up a list. "Lightoller, Moody, Boxhall, and Lowe." She replied. "I just wish we could see how they_ really_ act." (Eventually, we will take Murdoch and a _lot _of others, but it's decided later)

Riddick gave a sly grin. "So let's go there and find out." He suggested. "Lucy can make a bunch of First Class Tickets."

Lucy grinned. "And we can use the Black Pearl and Dave's talent to get there!" She cried, excitedly.

"I don't know if I want to be on that ship." Sven spoke up.

Cassi shrugged. "So we just get off before it sinks." She argued. "Think of all we can get into."

"We can run around screaming the ship will sink." Emmy suggested.

"Then we can run around screaming the sky is going to fall and we're being invaded by Flying Purple monkeys." Silver added, grinning.

"Not to mention Martian Pigs, Killer Squirrels, Radioactive Mutant Hummingbirds..." Romano quipped, with a sly look.

"Squiggle Worms...Fuzzy Blue Aliens that look like Rabid Hamsters..." Sven went on.

"Eck the Lion..." Fiddles suggested from the doorway. "Fiddles wants to go too, yes he does!"

"This should prove to be _very_ interesting." Sven replied, shortly.

"RMS is going to stand for "Really Messy Ship" by the time _we_ finish with it." Elizabeth retorted, laughing. "I can't wait to see how the Officers react to Fiddles."

Good idea." Cassi snarked. "We'll just corrupt the Officers first then the ship is ours!" ("Snarked": Verb; Invented by the _Rocket Sanctuary _Yahoo Group; now inactive. Meaning evil-smartass sounding retort)

"I'll get me crew together." Captain Jack replied, smiling. "May as well see who wants ta sack the Titanic."

Pippin pulled on Sven's elbow. "Can I bring-?"

**"NO!"** Everyone in the room interrupted.

"But-" Pippin began.

"The ship's going to sink as it is." Cassi informed him. "You can play_ Jumanji_ another time. The middle of the ocean is a bad idea. We don't wanna sink the ship while we're _**on**_ it."

Pippin frowned, considering this.

"They have a restaurant." Sven told him, reassuringly. "You can dance on the table with Merry. We'll all have a nice riot."

"Oh...okay." Pippin replied, happily. "Let's go then."

With this, the entire group gathered up a few books and left the room, to call in the rest of the troops.

**MEANWHILE, IN THE NORTH ATLANTIC...April 13, 1912**

Second Officer Lightoller was making his rounds over the ship . . . [completely unsuspecting] So far, the day had been uneventful. As soon as he finished his rounds, he was off-duty, and it would be time to get a bite of lunch, relieve Murdoch for his lunch and then perhaps get a few winks before his next four hour Watch.

As he strolled down the boat deck, he was suddenly distracted by the presence of a man he couldn't remember ever having seen before . . . not that this was a surprise, as he didn't really get many a chance to meet _all_ the passengers. The man in question, rather well-dressed, suddenly came right up to him.

"Hey!" The man spoke up, grinning. He was an American, like most of the First Class. "You're the Second Officer, right?"

Lightoller, slightly taken aback stared at him a second. "Yes." He answered, shortly. "Charles Lightoller. And you are?"

"Rick O'Connell." The man answered, enthusiastically. "I'm here with my wife and son . . . and a few friends. This ship is completely _amazing_! How on earth did you learn your way around it? We keep getting lost in here."

Lightoller relaxed slightly. "I believe it took me about 14 days to learn the layout." He informed Mr. O'Connell with a small smile

"Wow . . . you must have been on this thing a while." Rick replied, impressed. "Well, I gotta admit, you're doing a splendid job here." He quickly gave the Officer a light pat on the back. "I gotta go, there's my wife over there. Nice chattin' with ya. Keep up the good work."

Lightoller watched the American Mr. O'Connell walk over to a beautiful woman with dark curly hair. The pair waved at him, then walked off in the other direction. He stood a second longer, then with a shrug, continued on his rounds.

As he walked down the boat deck, there were a few light snickers, and curious stares. The Second Officer eyed the passengers a second, then continued walking, trying to ignore the whispering. It was not very proper for a member of the crew to be impolite to the First Class Passengers.

As he passed Thomas Andrews, who was making a note on something or rather, the Irishman looked up at the Officer as he passed, and an expression of surprise crossed his face. "Mr. Lightoller!" He called suddenly.

Lightoller turned on his heel, and glanced back at Andrews. "What is it?" He asked, impatient to finish his rounds

Andrews walked over, frowning, and much to Lightoller's surprise, he turned him around and pulled a piece of paper that seemed to be stuck on the back of his Officer's coat.

Seeing the other man's face pale slightly, Lightoller took the piece of paper and read it. He stared in shock. Written on the paper in a strange pen were the words, "_RMS Titanic: Senior Officer's Designated Sole Survivor_." The paper fluttered to the deck as he dropped it and Andrews slammed his foot down on it to keep it from blowing away.

"Do you have any idea where this came from?" Andrews asked, seriously, picking the paper up from under his shoe.

Lightoller frowned. "There was a First Class Passenger that came up to me." He remarked, remembering the whispers had started as soon as the stranger had left. "A Mr. O'Connell."

Andrews frowned. "I don't remember there BEING a Passenger called O'Connell . . . not in First Class at any rate." He answered, quietly.

Lightoller nodded. "Said he was here with his wife and son, and a few friends." He replied. "Then he walked over to a woman and both went that way." He pointed toward the bow. "And they were certainly dressed like First Class passengers."

"This is the same handwriting as the other sign I just pulled off Mr. Hockley in First Class." Andrews informed him, pulling a folded piece of paper out of his coat pocket.

Lightoller stared as he read it. In the exact same pen were the words, 'I beat _women. Kick me in the rear._' Before he could give it back he started choking to cover his laughter. "Did anyone try it?" He asked, biting his lip, secretly wishing he could have seen it.

Andrews gave a small snicker himself before he put both pieces of paper into his pocket. "Not that know of." He answered, sounding a bit disappointed.

"Does he really-" Lightoller began.

"I have no idea." Mr. Andrews interrupted. "And it's none of our business at any rate."

Lightoller recomposed himself. "Right. Of course." He corrected himself. "I should finish my rounds."

"If you see any more signs or that passenger again, let me know at once." Mr. Andrews ordered.

"Shall I tell the Captain?" Lightoller asked.

Andrews shook his head. "Not yet." He replied. "Let's keep it to ourselves until we know more. Who's at the bridge?"

"Murdoch." Lightoller informed him. "Are you going to tell him? I believe Mr. Moody is also on bridge duty."

"If it gets any worse, I'll let them know." Andrews answered. "Just go finish your rounds, and let me know if you see anything."

Lightoller nodded then turned back to his original course, thinking about the words on the sign. It was not very reassuring. What could this O'Connell know that nobody else did?


	2. Taking over the ship For Dummies

**CHAPTER ONE: "TAKING OVER THE SHIP; FOR DUMMIES"**

As Rick and Evelyn dashed across the deck and back into Dave's 'Invisible Field,' they started laughing. "That was easy!" Rick told the group, laughing. "He didn't even suspect!"

"I love it when they're unsuspecting." Cassi sighed. "Who got Cal?"

Lucy grinned and gave a salute. "But I was invisible and he didn't see me." She replied, with a sly smile. "Except that guy Ryan's playing took it off before anyone could actually _kick _him."

The group made faces. "Not fair." Amanda muttered. "I wanted to kick him."

"I wanted to throw him though a door." Riddick remarked. "I hate people who bully their women."

"You and me both, pal." Dave agreed, wholeheartedly. Dave had actually hauled off and hit a man in the ER who had raped his own daughter.

"Preaching to the choir." Romano put in. "Who's next?"

"Ismay." Sven answered, quickly. "But we really need to get rid of the Captain first."

Theodin grinned. "I can take care of that." He spoke up. "From the pictures, I believe I look just like him."

"You'll have to put your hair under your hat." Lucy informed him. "I can change your clothes easy. Where's the Captain's room?"

Cassi opened the black book to the maps of the ship. "Right there." She told them, pointing. "It's right on the boat deck with the Officer's Quarters.

"How many quarters do the Officers have?" Becca questioned. "I could use a few."

"Their **bedrooms**; not their **money**!" Cassi corrected and paused. "Then again, if you look through their luggage, you may find some money. You never know."

Sparrow's head shot up. "_Really _now?" He exclaimed. "Sounds like fun!"

"Forget the Officers then." Romano told him. "How much do you think _they_ get paid? Head for the First Class cabins. _They_ have all the loot, and most of it is going down with the ship anyway, so I doubt they'll _miss_ it."

"Quiet!" Elizabeth suddenly hissed. "It's that Andrews man!"

The group quietly watched Mr. Andrews look around. For a second he looked right where they were all standing, with a frown. After a minute, he finally headed off toward the bridge.

"Lucy, Theodin, get the Captain before anyone can tell him what's going on." Cassi ordered, quietly. "If you don't wanna tie him up, you can always make him five. Who'd believe a little kid?"

Sven's head perked up. "Wait a second...that gives me a wonderful idea." She mused, with a wide smile.

Romano looked at her and grinned. "Youth Elixir Three." He remarked, slowly. "I like it."

* * *

On the bridge, Murdoch was mildly bored. Behind him, at the wheel, was Moody, who looked even **more** bored. Both looked up as Thomas Andrews stepped on the bridge. "Have any of you noticed anything out of the ordinary?" He asked, motioning them into the chart room.

Murdoch frowned. "Not really. Why?" He replied, turning from his post and joining the ship's builder.

Andrews pulled three sheets of paper out of his coat. "I just pulled these off the backs of Mr. Hockley, Mr. Lightoller, and Sir Duff Gordon." He informed them, spreading the papers out on a table.

Moody and Murdoch stared at the sheets of paper."'_Senior_ _Officer's designated Sole Survivor'_?" Murdoch asked, looking doubtful.

"That was on Mr. Lightoller." Andrews told them. Then he held up another. "_This _one I just pulled off of Sir Duff Gordon." The new sign read, _'I am a schmuck. Kick Me_.'

Moody covered his mouth, stifling laughter. "Do they know who did it?" He managed to ask.

Murdoch eyed Moody, with his own grin. "Did anyone see anything?" He asked as the younger Officer regained his composure.

Andrews shook his head. "Neither Mr. Hockley, nor Mr. Duff Gordon knew where they came from." He replied quietly. "Although Mr. Lightoller said a First Class Passenger by the name of O'Connell came up to him to talk. I suspect he may have something to do with it . . . but there's no O'Connell on the passenger list at all...in ANY of the classes, with the exception of one Third Class passenger, but this man said he was here with his wife and son, as well as a few friends, and he was dressed as one would expect of a First Class passenger."

Murdoch frowned, and shook his head. "Unusual." He mused. "Seems sort of beneath the First Class Passengers to do such a thing, and I doubt any of the Third Class could have even come into the First Class. Are you suspecting a stowaway?"

Andrews shook his head. "We've had nothing reported before this." He answered, frowning. "And there are no reports of anyone strange being anywhere on the ship before either."

Before any could respond to this, they were interrupted by Captain Smith entering the bridge. At his side was a lovely blonde woman, dressed very much as a First Class Passenger. She was smiling and looking around, mystified.

The three men stared at the Captain. He almost appeared to have changed the color of his beard, slightly. Other than that, he looked completely normal.

"Captain..." Murdoch began. "You're early. I wasn't supposed to be relieved for a few hours."

Captain Smith smiled. "Actually, I decided to relieve you early." He informed the group. "This is Miss Knight. She wanted to know what the other Officers do when on duty. I was hoping you would be willing to tell her."

Murdoch looked at Miss Knight, who smiled brightly, and gave a nod. "Of course, Captain." He replied, instantly, smiling back at her.

Andrews looked at her for a moment. He had never even seen this girl before, and didn't remember her anywhere on the ship, nor was there a passenger by the name of 'Miss Knight.' However, this was no need to be impolite. He gave her a tight nod and a smile. "Right then, I'd best be getting back to work." He remarked, and left, placing three sheets of paper back into his pocket. He had to find Lightoller. There was no telling who that man on the bridge could be, but one thing Thomas Andrews knew as fact, was that the man on the bridge was _not_ the Captain.

Behind him, Murdoch led Miss Knight out of the room, carefully explaining the duties of an Officer.

Moody was left alone with the Captain. "Shall I get you some tea?" He asked.

"Yes of course." Captain Smith answered, with a smile. "And one of those donuts with the little sprinkles on top."

Moody stared at him a moment.

"I don't think he's buying this, Theodin." A voice spoke up next to him.

Moody whirled to face the intruder, but found no one. "What is-" Before he could finish the sentence, he was hit in the chest with a spray of water. In front of him, the Captain was holding a plastic pistol...but suddenly, the Captain was a lot taller than he should have been.

* * *

Meanwhile, Charles Lightoller had just completed his rounds, and after having seen nothing else out of the ordinary, headed into his quarters. Once inside, however, he was instantly yanked over to a chair, and restrained.

Nervous, he looked around, still seeing nothing at all. He seemed to be tied down by invisible bonds. This was not good.

"Relax!" A female voice cut in. "You keep that shock thing up, and you could pass out. Honestly, you act like you've been attacked by demons."

"Who's there?" He demanded, still seeing no one. For all he knew, he _was _being attacked by demons.

Then, in front of him, a group appeared. The people were dressed in attire that was unlike anything he'd ever seen. As he stared, a young woman approached. She was dressed in black and was wearing a Captain's hat on sideways, and her hair appeared to be two different colors.

"Who are you?" He demanded again, struggling.

"That's right, you don't know us." The woman spoke up. "You met Rick O'Connell, though. We're friends of his...just visiting."

Lightoller's eyes widened. The man who'd approached him earlier. "How did you get on this ship?" He asked, curiously, knowing he'd never seen them before, as these people were not people he would have missed seeing.

"You mean that's not totally obvious?" Another woman quipped. "We came in Captain Jack's ship and he just made us all invisible."

A man who could not be anything but a pirate stepped over in front of him. "Always willing to help sack a new ship." He replied, matter-of-factly.

"So what is it you want?" Lightoller questioned, still struggling.

One woman shrugged. "Just wanna have a little fun." She informed him, with an honest look.

"I'm Cassi. This is Sven, Amanda, Riddick, Romano, and Elizabeth." The one with the Captain's hat told him. "And that is Jack Sparrow, and behind you, is Will Turner. We just stopped in to get the lay of the ship and have a bit of fun. Nobody will remember a thing when we leave, and nothing will hurt the ship."

"Yet." The one called Riddick coughed in the back. Lightoller frowned, eyeing the large man with the rather bright silverish eyes, more taken by his appearance, then his comment.

"That has nothing to do with us, and we'll be gone by then." Sven remarked, elbowing him.

Lightoller eyed them, curiously. "So what is it you're planning to do?" The group looked to be one that got into trouble frequently, and obviously had no intentions of hiding it. Most interesting...

Amanda grinned. "Well, we replaced the Captain, and changed the real one into a five year old." She announced proudly.

Lightoller stared at her in shock. "You_ WHAT_!" He demanded.

"Relax!" Cassi cried again. "We can fix it later. Think about it. If you could get away with doing anything you ever wanted on this ship, and have nobody remember it afterwards, what would you do?"

"How do** I** know no one would remember?" Lightoller asked, suspiciously. He had always been a man who enjoyed a good spot of mischief, but these people seemed to be ones who did nothing _but_ mischief regardless of the consequences. That kind of trouble was not entirely wise.

Cassi grinned. "Trust us." She told him. "We can change people into children, and we can also be invisible. So answer me this. Are there any passengers or people on this ship you would just love to make miserable?"

Lightoller gave a small grin, then recovered, and shook his head, trying to control himself. How many times had he nearly lost his position on account of mischief? The cannon in Sydney Harbor came to mind. He'd been lucky then.

"He's lying." Romano spoke up. "I saw that grin."

"Wilde perhaps?" Sven questioned, with a glint of merriment in her eye.

Lightoller's head shot up.

"I_ knew_ it." Cassi crowed. "They DO all hate him!"

Lightoller sighed. The intruders seemed to read his mind. The whole thing seemed completely preposterous. "You changed the Captain into a five year old?" He questioned. "And how is it that you got past Mr. Murdoch?"

Sparrow shrugged and opened the door, letting Lucy step into the room, with Murdoch in front of her, and a gun aimed at his back. "I would say that about explains that." The pirate announced, giving Lucy a kiss.

"Easy as pie." Lucy replied, sitting Murdoch down in a chair next to Lightoller. "And Theodin has the bridge under control. That one that looks like the girl is a five year old too."

Cassi pulled out a list. "Oh good. He got rid of Moody." She remarked, writing it down. "He didn't look much older than five anyways." She turned to the two Officers. "That Moody looks like a fourteen year old girl. How old is he, anyways?"

Both Officers stared a minute and burst out laughing.

"See? I told you it wouldn't take much to crack them." Cassi pointed out to the room. "Here's the deal, boys. We give you each a loaded water pistol, and a few other tricks, and you get to do anything you please to _any_one on the ship, with _no_ consequences."

"The water pistols are loaded with what's called Youth Elixir." Sven informed them. "And whoever you spray with it will be changed into a five year old, so nobody can stop you."

Lightoller and Murdoch exchanged a glance. Neither seemed to believe this was even happening. "Can we think about it?" Lightoller asked. Truthfully, the entire idea sounded hilariously funny, but he wasn't entirely sure Murdoch was up to it.

"You have 30 seconds before we change both of you into five year olds." Cassi informed them, looking at the watch on the arm of the man standing beside her. "Think fast."

"I'll do it." Lightoller replied, quickly. He had no doubts that they could do what they threatened, and honestly, the idea of forgetting all rules and having a good time seemed amusing. Especially if they could make it so no one remembered it had happened...besides, he didn't really want to be a five year old.

Murdoch stared at him in shock.

"Do _you_ wish to be a five year old?" Lightoller asked, pointedly.

"How exactly do we even know they can _do_ that?" Murdoch demanded, still doubtful.

Cassi sighed and held a black colored box to her mouth. "Dave, bring in Moody and the Captain." She ordered. "We're in Mr. Lights' room."

The Officers exchanged another glance, as the door opened and another man walked in with two small children. Both were dressed in uniforms, one of which was definitely the Captain's.

Lightoller looked impressed, but Murdoch, having not seen the invisibility trick, looked unphased.

Sven rolled her eyes and sprayed Moody, changing him back to an adult, then sprayed him again, changing him back to a child. Then she leveled the pistol on the two Officers. "Next?"

Murdoch was staring in utter shock.

In front of the man, Dave, Moody was now looking disgusted, and trying to get all the water off his clothes.

"Leave the Officers alone." The Captain spoke up with a pleading look.

"Do I look like I take orders from five year olds?" Cassi demanded. "I was a _baby_sitter. Besides, we wanted _them_ in the first place. Done thinking yet?"

Romano gave a pointed look. "Oh just try to tell me you wouldn't wanna get even with Wilde, if nobody knew about it." He muttered, with a knowing look.

Smith's face turned to a confused stare as he saw the sudden interested look cross Murdoch's face, and the evil grin that Lightoller already sported.

"Tell me you're not actually considering this!" Smith cut in, outraged. "You are both trained Officers!"

"So what?" Romano quipped. "I'm a trained surgeon, and we trashed an entire hospital . . . three times."

Elizabeth started laughing. "And it was very fun." She agreed.

"That 'trained Officer' turned the Bridge of the '_Oceanic_' into his own personal skating rink." Cassi muttered under her breath, causing Lightoller to stare in utter surprise at her, his face crimson, while Murdoch turned to stare at Lightoller.

"One Gun Salute in Sydney Harbor." Sven coughed a little too loudly, covering her mouth while looking at the ceiling.

Lightoller winced. How in the world had they known all of **that**?

Murdoch gave his friend a sideways glance. He had heard of what had happened when the Sydney Harbor Cannon was set off one morning by a group from the White Star Line, but he didn't know _Lights_ had had something to do with it. (He was actually the ring-leader)

"Just be lucky we didn't let Pippin bring his_ Jumanji_ Game to the ship." Sven informed them. "Otherwise, you'd be in BIG trouble. Monsoon, killer vines, stampede, big snakes, killer spiders...you get the point."

"Would you mind untying me now?" Lightoller remarked, trying to free himself. "I already agreed before they came in." As the group seemed to already know every prank he'd ever pulled, there really was no point in pretending he was a proper Officer, who always kept his nose clean.

"Yeh got it. Mr. Turner?" Cassi answered, motioning to someone behind them. "Please cut Mr. Lightoller loose."

Murdoch frowned, looking from the Captain to Lightoller then shrugged. "I'm with Lights'." He replied, shortly. "I don't take orders from five year olds either." Besides, if he got let go, he could grill Lights on Sydney Harbor cannon incident as well as any other pranks he hadn't known about.

Both Moody and Smith's mouths dropped open in shock. "This is mutiny!" Smith cried.

Cassi raised an eyebrow. "No it isn't." She corrected. "The Captain's on the bridge. We're following** his** orders."

"Actually, he's following _our_ orders, but that's not important." Sven put in. "This way, boys and we'll tell you what we have in mind."

**WARNING:** Beware of Officers in deep need of laughs...esp. if they happen to be bored at the moment...Heaven help us all...


	3. Paint Bombs, Rollerblades and Green Hors...

**CHAPTER TWO: "PAINT BOMBS, ROLLERBLADES, & A GREEN HORSE"**

On the Promenade Deck, Rose Dewitt Bukater was listening to Jack Dawson tell her about his life. She smiled as she listened to him. (we won't go into the conversation...as the main part of it was on the Boat Deck, but in this story, some of it was on Deck A, or this won't work...anyway, we don't like DiCrapio, so we really don't wanna listen to him...no offense to you who do like him- and that's not a miss-spelling of his name, that's actually what we call him)

Suddenly, Jack stopped in the middle of a sentence and was looking up at something, with a frown. "What is it?" Rose asked, turning. Then she frowned as well.

Up on the Boat Deck above, there was an Officer standing at the rail. He was waving to someone else and pointing down. Rose followed his gaze, and spied Bruce Ismay walking slowly down the Promenade. She looked back up at the Officer, who was now joined by another Officer, this one she recognized as First Officer Murdoch. The other; by his uniform, she figured he must be the Second Officer, but she was unsure as to what his name was. The two were talking quietly to each other and their faces looked positively devious.

"What are they doing?" Jack spoke up, still frowning.

"I don't know." Rose answered, thinking about it. "It appears as if they're about to do something wicked though."

Up on the Boat Deck, Lightoller and Murdoch were talking quietly. "Well, he's not Mr. Wilde, but I suppose he'll do nicely." Murdoch remarked.

"We can find Mr. Wilde later." Lightoller told him, grinning. "Ismay really needs this." He reached into a bag under his coat and pulled out something bright red, and full of liquid.

Murdoch snickered as he pulled off his glove and licked his finger to test where the wind was coming from. "Move it a bit to the left." He murmured.

Lightoller did as he was told. "Now?"

"Forward a bit." Murdoch went on. "Drop it."

"Look out below." Lightoller retorted as he dropped the balloon.

SPLAT! Both Officers yanked each other down so as not to be seen, as they heard Mr. Ismay's scream of outrage.

About 60 yards away from Mr. Ismay, Rose covered her mouth, in a gasp, and Jack covered his own mouth to stifle his laughter, ending up choking.

Mr. Ismay, on the other hand, was looking around, enraged. His eyes caught sight of Rose and Jack on the deck in front of him. "Did either of you see where that came from?" He demanded.

Jack, still covering his mouth, shook his head; tears streaking his cheeks.

"I saw two men duck down, but I don't know who they were." Rose answered, almost honestly. "They were up there." She pointed above him.

Looking disgusted, Mr. Ismay stomped off. "I'll see the Captain about this." He muttered, as he left them.

The pair looked after him for a moment and burst out laughing.

Meanwhile, on the Boat Deck, Lightoller and Murdoch still crouched over, ran in different directions. Lightoller ended up on the port side, running smack into Mr. Andrews, nearly knocking the man over.

"Mr. Lightoller, I was looking for you!" Andrews remarked, as they steadied each other.

Lightoller frowned, catching his breath. "My apologies, Mr. Andrews, what was it you wanted?" He asked, with a completely straight face.

"I wanted to inform you about-" Andrews trailed off as both of them looked up to see Mr. Ismay stomping up the deck. The man was covered in what could only be bright pink paint.

Lightoller stared at him. He'd had no idea there had been paint in the balloon. True, it had been a liquid, but this was not what he'd expected. It was far funnier. He bit his lip hard, trying to keep the smirk off his face.

"Not. A. Word!" Ismay snapped as he passed them.

As the enraged man passed, both Andrews and Lightoller caught sight of another sign that was taped to Ismay's back. This one reading, '_I am a rank coward. Kick me._'

The two exchanged a surprised glance, and Mr. Andrews moved forward to say something.

Lightoller clamped a hand over his mouth, and pulled him around the corner before he could go any farther. "He said not a word." He whispered.

Both men waited a moment in silence, and then looked back around the corner. Then, they looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Did you know anything about that?" Andrews asked when he recovered.

Lightoller raised an eyebrow. "Which part?" He inquired, with a knowing look.

Before Andrews could respond to this, he was cut off by four young women, skating down the Boat Deck. They were NOT dressed in normal clothes and they were all screaming loudly. "_**WE'RE GOING DOWN, WE'RE GOING DOWN! THE BOAT'S GOING TO SINK; YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"**_

The two men stared after them a second, then Andrews suddenly did a double take as what could only be described as a green horse came skipping down the Boat Deck after the girls, tossing around his tail in merriment.

"Evil Martian Bunnies are coming, chased by Eck the Lion! RUN RUN RUN, THE SKY IS ABOUT TO FALL!" The horse sang out, as it disappeared around the corner.

For a moment, the two stood staring after the horse, blinking.

"Tell me you just saw a singing green horse go by." Andrews managed to get out, quietly in utter disbelief.

Lightoller was completely speechless and staring after the horse. "Did that horse say that there were Evil Martian _bunnies_ coming?" He asked, more to himself, than to Andrews.

Andrews turned his gaze to Lightoller and was staring at him as if he were completely mad. "I don't suppose you know anything about all this?" He repeated.

Lightoller looked after the horse. "Well, not about _**that**_." He answered, honestly; now thinking he might have perhaps questioned the visitors a bit more before he and Murdoch had been released.

"And Mr. Ismay?" Andrews pressed.

"It was an accident." Murdoch spoke up behind them, as he approached. "Did you just see that horse go by? I don't remember them saying anything about a singing green horse."

"Them?" The Irish man asked, pointedly. "What is going on here?"

"Nothing." A female voice spoke up off to the side. "Everything is perfectly normal."

Andrews turned to look at the woman. '_Normal_' was probably the _last _word he would use to describe her. "Who are you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he eyed her clothing.

"Sorry." The woman answered. "I'm Cassi, and I can explain _every_thing."

Mr. Andrews crossed his arms, waiting unimpressed.

Cassi's face took on a horrified look, and she gasped. "LOOK, RADIOACTIVE MUTANT HUMMINGBIRDS!" She cried, pointing behind him.

"_**WHERE**_?" Murdoch demanded as he and Lightoller turned to look.

Mr. Andrews was unphased and didn't bother to look; but before he knew it, he was stuck with something sharp and everything went black.

"Gotcha." Cassi smirked, as Mr. Andrews collapsed to the deck. She waved a small pistol. "Dart gun. He'll be fine. Just a small headache." She grabbed them by their coats and dragged them around the corner. "This way. We'll make him five later."

"You don't actually have those hummingbirds, do you?" Murdoch asked, quietly as soon as they were a decent distance away.

Cassi shook her head. "Not that I _know_ of." She answered, with a shrug. "Nor do we have Martian Bunnies."

"Although Eck the Lion and the Martian Pigs may actually exist." Sven cut in, thinking about it. "We still don't know."

"And the green horse?" Lightoller inquired.

"Fiddles." Sven told him. "He's kind of insane when he's been eating Loco Berries. Try to ignore him."

"He wanted to come, and he was so excited about it that we couldn't really stop him." Cassi went on.

Suddenly, the Officers faces turned pale, and they stared ahead. "Is...that...with you?" Murdoch asked, quietly.

Cassi and Sven turned as Steve V Raptor approached. "Yeah, no worries." Cassi replied, patting Steve on the shoulder. "This is Steve. Steve, this is Mr. Charles Lightoller and Mr. William Murdoch, Second and First Officers of the ship."

"Steve works with our Security team." Sven explained. "The Raptor Squad is positioned all over the ship...but don't worry, they won't eat anyone unless we tell them to."

"And I'm Ryan Gaerity, Head of Security." An Irishman spoke up, from the corner behind them. "This is Murdoc, and Ask."

"Riddick's daughter." Cassi added. "He was the one in your Quarters, with the shine job on his eyes.

Lightoller nodded. "Ah, yes...the big one." He murmured. "I remember."

"Did ye find this Andrews?" Ryan asked, quickly. "We need his plans to work on our ship."

Cassi gave a guilty look. "Knocked out on the Boat Deck outside." She informed him. "Look in the black book. It has a map of the ship and Andrews' stateroom is on A Deck, that' a way." She finished, pointing toward the stern.

Murdoc frowned. "Who has the Black Book?" He asked, confused.

"Ummm, I think Theodin has it." Sven remarked, thoughtfully. "Either that, or Lucy had it... Oh I forget."

"I can take you there." Murdoch suggested. "You'll have to leave your...friend here, but I can get you into the room."

Cassi nodded. "Oh good." She answered, relieved. "Because I really have no idea _who_ has the book anymore."

"Great, let's go rollerblading with Becca now." Sven cut in, with a grin.

"Rollerblading?" Lightoller asked, as Murdoch disappeared with Ryan, Murdoc, and Ask.

"Yeah..." Cassi quipped. "The ship is too big. If we walk, the spoof will be over."

"Can you ice-skate?" Sven asked the Officer.

Lightoller blinked. "Yes." He answered, slowly.

"Then you can rollerblade." Sven concluded. "Come on. Let's go _**play**_!"

* * *

On the Bridge, in the wheel room, Theodin was listening to an annoying man complain about someone dropping paint on him. He did not know the man, and was getting annoyed at the way the man seemed to think he could order him around.

"And I think everyone on this ship should be questioned immediately!" The man finished.

Theodin blinked and stared at the man. "And what makes you so special that we have to do that?" He asked, pointedly. "Mr. Andrews has been pulling strange signs off of passengers' backs for the last hour, and none of _them_ have come in here demanding such a thing."

The man stared at Theodin as if he were insane, then he took a closer look, and his mouth fell open. "Who are you and where is the Captain?" He demanded.

Theodin gave a sly smile and pulled his hat off, shaking his hair out. "I am Theodin, Retired King of Rohan." He answered, honestly. "And you..." He grinned wider. "Have no control over this ship."

The man stared, outraged. "Where is the _Captain_?"

"Over there." Theodin replied, pointing behind him.

"Where?" The man asked, frowning.

Theodin turned to get a better look behind him. Sure enough, the Captain and Mr. Moody had vanished. In their places were two empty chairs. He frowned, and held a hand up to his ear. "Better look around people. I've got two missing children on the bridge." He said, quietly. "Dave, have you been around them?"

"Big no there, King." Dave answered over the com unit. "I left them on the Bridge. If they're not there, they're missing."

Theodin sighed and turned back to the annoying man. "They _were_ here." He declared. "So if you see two five year old boys dressed as the Captain, and an Officer, let me know. In the meantime..." He leaned over, taking the sign off Mr. Ismay's back, and handing it to him. "I would watch my back if I were you."

* * *

All over the First Class section, the Passengers had all pretty much spread the rumors of strange goings on all over the place. The mysterious green horse that a great number had seen and heard, as well as the screaming girls, who had actually yelled out that the ship was going to sink. Naturally, this was creating a bit of panic amongst some of the more superstitious people while others dismissed it as ridiculous insanity.

After the screaming girl, singing horse fiasco, many of the First Class Passengers that had been inside during these events, as well as what had happened to Mr. Ismay (which had also spread like a wildfire), had decided to go out to the First Class Promenade, and the Boat Deck to see if perhaps the rumors were true.

Unfortunately, what they saw first was _NOT_ a singing green horse...


	4. Archie's Bald WHAT?

**CHAPTER THREE: "ARCHIE'S BALD **_**WHAT**_**?"**

Inside the hallway that lead to the Officer's Quarters, stood Becca, Emmy, Mid, Silver, Sven, Cassi, Ardeth Bay, Dr. John Carter, Dr. Luka Kovac, Pippin, Merry, Haldir, Boromir, Faramir, and finally, Charles Lightoller. All were wearing Rollerblades, thanks to Lucy, and were getting ready for one monster game of tag. At Cassi's insistence, Lightoller had his Officer's hat on backwards. She had explained that at a high speed on rollerblades, the wind would take it right off, and he would probably lose it...although, truthfully, he thought it was just that she wanted him to look as weird as the rest of them, as Cassi's own hat was also now on backwards.

"Anyone coming?" Becca asked, grinning.

Haldir shrugged and looked around the corner. "Don't see anyone...here, anyway." He remarked, softly. "However, it sounds as if we're going to have a big audience for this one."

Cassi gave an evil grin. "Oh goodie." She murmured. "We're about to go public."

"You can really make everyone forget this?" Lightoller asked, sounding doubtful. "I could lose my position if this gets out."

"No worries." Carter assured him. "Agent J can do that easy."

"You swear?" Lightoller went on.

"Every damn day." Carter replied, grinning.

"Not funny." Lightoller told him flatly.

"I promise you nobody will remember any of this!" Cassi cut in. "_Trust_ us! We've been doing this for several years now. We're _good_ at it." (10 yrs and counting—_woo-hoooo_!)

Lightoller blinked. "I'm not sure whether I'm relieved or terrified by that prospect." He answered, shaking his head wryly.

Pippin grinned. "Be afraid. Be _VERY _afraid." He warned.

"Everyone ready?" Cassi asked, grinning.

"Ready." The group chorused.

"**TAG** YOU'RE IT!" Cassi cried smacking Lightoller on the shoulder as all of them took off around the corner.

Lightoller shook his head, gave a small laugh, and raced out after them. At least if he was chasing them, it would _look_ as if he really was doing his job to keep order.

On the Boat Deck, Molly Brown had heard the rumors floating around the ship, and although they had seemed completely insane, she had gone out to see what was going on. Now, she was talking with Rose and Jack, who had witnessed the paint being thrown on Bruce Ismay. She couldn't believe that two of the Officers on the ship had done such a thing...although after a couple of minutes, she had no trouble at all believing it.

At that exact moment, an entire group of people practically flew by on skates, screaming something about Flying Purple Monkeys, and making the sky fall. However, it was not the _group_ that completely caught her attention. It was the Second Officer of the ship, racing past, gaining on the strangers despite the fact that he was _also_ on skates, and with his hat backwards.

The trio on the Deck stared, openmouthed. "That's one of the Senior Officers." Rose remarked, quietly. "The other one was Mr. Murdoch."

"That's Mr. Lightoller." Molly informed them. "The Second Officer. What in heaven's name has gotten into _him_?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't know, but it looks like a lot of fun." He told them, laughing.

"What are they _doing_?" Rose asked, frowning.

Before anyone could answer, Mr. Lightoller caught up with one of the group, [a rather short man] and smacked him on the shoulder. "Gotcha!" He proclaimed, skating on ahead.

The short man gave an evil grin, and pulled out a small pistol, as he became the one chasing the group.

"I think they're playing 'Tag'." Molly spoke up, almost awed.

Rose bit her lip, considering this. "I wonder what you have to do to join the game." She replied, almost to herself.

Molly and Jack just turned to stare at her.

* * *

Meanwhile, on top of the Officer's Quarters, between one of the roped down Canvas Collapsible Boats, and the forward smoke stack, Captain EJ Smith sat with Mr. Moody, watching the action below. Both had heard the conversations of the group that had been just below them.

Moody shook his head. "So what are we doing?" He asked, leaning back against the boat.

Captain Smith shook his head. "Obviously, it takes being hit with another spray of those pistols to change us back, so to do that, we need to get one." He replied, quietly. "However... that doesn't mean we have to just sit around until we get one."

"So what do you have in mind?" Moody asked, with a small grin.

"Mr. Murdoch said he was going to Mr. Andrews' quarters." The Captain remarked, thinking. "Mr. Lightoller is busy chasing people around the Boat Deck..." He went on. "So, as they'll be looking for two children dressed as Officers, the first thing to do is hide our coats and hats."

The grin on James Moody's face became wider. "_Then _what do you want to do?" He prompted, pulling off his hat and coat. As an afterthought, he also removed his tie and unbuttoned his white shirt a bit.

Smith grinned, doing the same. "First off, we get try to get even with Murdoch and Lightoller..." He began. "Then...I suppose we do anything we want. Where did Mr. Ismay go? That man has been nothing but a headache since South Hampton."

"This promises to be interesting." Moody murmured, with a snicker as he tucked his uniform coat and hat under the lifeboat with Captain Smith's.

"Do you still have that sack of balloons that was left on the bridge?" Smith asked, moving forward to get a different view from the top of the Officer's Quarters.

Moody held up the bag. "In my hand." He replied, holding it up.

* * *

Down on the Steerage Promenade, the 3rd Class passengers were discovering that the visitors to the First Class were not the only visitors to the ship. Seated on the Deck were a group of young men and women. The group stood out because most of the men had longer hair than the women and one of the men had hair that was obviously waist length. They were dressed rather strangely with ripped pants and the women wore shirts that did not cover all they should have in the year 1912.

The group was looking at a small paperback book, and every so often, one would point at something in it, and they would go into fits of laughter, while badly pronouncing what could only be someone's name.

Amongst the ones watching, were Tommy Ryan and Fabrizio De Rossi. They knew that Jack was visiting the First Class and would not be back for a while, however, at this time, they didn't really care. They were actually finding themselves laughing with the group on the deck at every mispronounced name.

"Oh MAN!" The one with the longest hair proclaimed. "Check THIS one out! In the First Class there is actually a man named Mr. Junk Here Reach In!" (Mr. Jonkheer Reuchlin)

The group burst out laughing. "That sounds like some sign you'd read on a _trashcan_!" Cried another one of the men, who looked exactly like the longest haired one, only this one had shorter hair.

Tommy's mouth dropped open as he heard this last one. "Oh...I don't believe this!" He replied in awe. "I think they're reading the First Class Passenger list!"

Fabri's mouth dropped open and he busted out laughing.

The group on the Deck looked up at the pair. "Hejsan!" A guy with dark hair and eyes called out. "What's up?" The young man had dark skin and an American accent. His features were that of the American Indians.

Tommy stared at him. "You speak Swedish?" He asked. (in 3rd Class, he's accustomed to hearing it- not to mention Fabri and Jack are sharing a room with two Swedes)

The guy raised an eyebrow. "Not really well, but I listen fluently." He answered, matter-of-factly. "My Legal Guardian is Swedish. Who are you guys?"

"I'm Tommy Ryan and this is Fabrizio De Rossi." Tommy told them. "Who are all of you and where did you come from?"

"I'm Jimmy Martinez." The dark skinned one informed him, grinning. "These are my best friends, Chris [with the waist length hair] and Thackary Mason...the Evil Mason Twins, and these are my wife Cassi, Chris's wife Crisa, Thackary's wife Christy, and this is Chrissy Wills. She's married to another friend of ours."

_(Cassi Nelson-Martinez is a character created somewhat after me back when I was younger, but looks nothing like me. She appears in my story "__**Danger Zone**__" and married her childhood sweetheart, Jimmy Martinez, a biker Musician, when she was 18 and for the record, my pen name came from her as she __**is**__ my first ever created character, (1986!) so no she is __**not**__ named after me, I'm named after __**her**__—the same is true of the Wolfgirl for those who thought that was me in that story)_

"And we come from the future." Thackary went on. "We're here to get the lay of the ship, as we're eventually going to be the Steerage Band." [in the upcoming spoof]

"The rest of our group is wreaking havoc in the First and Second Classes." Christy told them, with a snicker.

Tommy and Fabri exchanged a glance. "From the future?" Fabri asked, with a funny look.

"What you mean it's not totally obvious by the way we're dressed?" Crisa retorted, pointedly.

Chris' mouth dropped open. "Oh, yeah! Got another one!" He called, causing he others to look over his shoulder. "Mr. and Mrs. A. Dick!" (We didn't even change that one. Lmao)

Once again, the group started laughing. Fabri and Tommy frowned, not understanding this one. Thackary looked up, realizing that certain slang terms of the future were not so in 1912. He pulled the two of them over to whisper in their ears.

The result was that both men's mouths dropped open and they groaned, in disbelief.

"Where did you get that book?" Tommy inquired, shaking his head.

Chris turned the book, so they could see the word, "Cassandra" stamped down the pages. "It's Cassi's." He paused. "But not that Cassi, the EvilAuthor Cassi with the skunk hair. She's currently terrorizing the First Class Decks with a couple VERY warped Officers."

Fabri stared as he caught sight of the cover of the book. It read, 'A _Night to Remember_,' and it had the picture of a half sunken ship that looked very much like the _Titanic_. "Is that our ship?" Fabri asked paling.

The group looked surprised and Thackary turned the book so he could see the cover. "Oops." He spoke up, looking guilty. "Cassi said we shouldn't show that to anyone."

"That _**is**_ our ship!" Tommy cut in then looked at the group. "Are you really from the future?"

Jimmy sighed. "2004." He answered, honestly. "The ship goes down on April 15, and as far as I know...you guys both die."

"However, if you'll kindly keep your traps shut about it, we'll take you with us, so you don't _have_ to die." Chris informed them. "The EvilAuthors take a liking to crazy people, and actually plan on taking several of the Officers and a few of the Passengers with them when they leave...or the ever popular, 'yank them out just before they die' thing."

"April 15th is the day after tomorrow." Tommy remarked.

"Actually it's tomorrow _night_. Somewheres about midnight or 2am." Jimmy corrected.

"So what's your point?" Thackary quipped, shrugging at Tommy. "Besides, you're stuck in a time warp right now, so you're not going anywhere's at the moment."

"What are you talking about? The ship IS moving!" Fabri argued.

"That's what you think." Christy retorted. "But trust me, it ain't goin' anywhere. You think we'd let it sink with us _ON_ it? Get real!"

Suddenly, over Chris' shoulder, Jimmy's mouth nearly hit the ground. "Oh man!" He cried, shaking his head. "THIS guy just took the **taco** of ALL bad names!"

Chris looked where he was pointing and started laughing. "Oh, OUCH! What kind of cruel heartless mother would _do _something like that to her _child!_?" He exclaimed.

As soon as they heard it, Fabri and Tommy's mouths dropped open and both of them nearly slid down the wall in hysterics, with tears streaking down their faces.

"Cassi and Sven have GOT to see this one!" Chris proclaimed, jumping up, and heading for ladder that lead to First Class.

"They won't let you up there!" Tommy called after him.

Jimmy pulled him back down. "Yes they will." He assured the Irishman. "Chris has his ways. Trust me."

* * *

By the time Ryan, Murdoc, Ask, Riddick, Amanda, and Murdoch returned to the Boat Deck, it was pretty obvious that things had gotten way out of hand. The group on Rollerblades was still playing tag, but several of the skaters were no longer adults.

On top of that, they were being chased by several of the ship's Officers and the Master at Arms.

"This doesn't look promising." Murdoch murmured, under his breath.

Ryan gave an evil grin. "No." He agreed. "It looks like _home_!"

Amanda grinned. "I wanna play too." She put in.

Riddick shook his head. "How much sugar do you think Cassi and Sven consumed before they got on board this ship?" He asked, with a snicker.

"Probably a lot." Murdoc retorted, with a smirk. "That and however much Lortab they're on, in addition to it. So, Will...wanna play too?"

"Sounds like fun." Murdoch agreed. "Where's Lights?"

Before anyone could answer, Murdoch felt something impact with his shoulder, and he looked down to see bright red paint dripping down the front of his coat. "What in the-" He looked up, but the person who had dropped the balloon, was nowhere to be seen. "_LIGHTS!"_ He yelled.

Lightoller rounded the corner and skidded to a stop, leaving marks on the polished deck under his skates. The first thing Murdoch noticed about him was the fact that his hat was backwards, and his shirt was covered in blue paint. His uniform coat was missing. He looked at Murdoch a moment then sighed. "I see they got you too, Bill."

Murdoch frowned. "They?" He asked. "Who is 'they'?"

"The Captain and Moody." The Lights informed him. "They escaped from the bridge a while ago, according to Theodin. \It seems he took our little mutiny personally, and declared war.

"And all the children running around?" Murdoch inquired.

"Pippin." Lightoller answered. "One of the short ones with the furry feet. He's been spraying anyone he can get to with his pistol. I believe he got Andrews, Boxhall, Ardeth, Carter, and a few of the Passengers."

Murdoch nodded. "I wondered why Mr. Andrews never caught us in his room." He mused.

"What did you get, anyway?" Lightoller asked, curiously.

"They wanted copies of the blue prints for Titanic." Murdoch informed him. "Didn't say why."

"And we're not going to." Ryan told them both. "It's a big surprise."

"Heaven help us all." Lightoller muttered under his breath, and; hearing a noise, he turned to look. Running toward them were Mr. Wilde, Mr. Pitman, and Mr. Lowe. "Time to go!" He quipped, dashing off on his skates.

Henry Wilde, catching sight of Murdoch on the deck, skidded to a stop. "Where on Earth have you been?" He demanded.

"I was doing my _rounds_!" Murdoch lied, quickly checking his watch. "That is what I was _supposed _to be doing!"

"And you didn't have any clue that all hell has broken loose up here!" Wilde pressed. "We've got people on skates running screaming all over the place, and terrorizing the passengers!"

Murdoch arched an eyebrow. "And Mr. Lightoller doesn't have the situation under control?" He pointed out.

"Mr. Lightoller is one of the ones _doing_ the terrorizing." Wilde grumbled. "What on earth has gotten into him, I'll never know, but the White Star Line_ WILL_ be hearing about this, and he'll be lucky if they EVER let him back on a ship again!"

"Now I wouldn't start threatening something like that." Riddick remarked, in a warning tone.

For the first time, Mr. Wilde finally noticed the group of people standing behind Mr. Murdoch. None of them were Passengers, this he was sure of, and all of them looked to be of a dangerous nature. "Who are these people?" He demanded.

Riddick grinned. "You forgot to say please." He smirked. "That isn't very polite."

"We'll have to see that he's properly reprimanded." Murdoc added, with a sadistic, maniacal grin...

* * *

Over on the other side of the deck, Lightoller had just run-literally-into Cassi, knocking both of them over, landing himself directly on his rear.

"Geez, where's the fire?" Cassi demanded, shaking her head to clear it.

"Sorry." Lightoller spoke up, helping her off the floor. "I almost got caught by Mr. Wilde."

"You okay?" Romano cut in, as he ran over.

Cassi nodded. "Terrific." She replied. "Where's my bag?"

"Rob has it." Sven remarked. She had stepped back, seeing Lights bolt around the corner.

Romano yanked the hip-pouch off and handed it to Cassi. "I added a few to it." He told her, with an innocent look.

Cassi opened the bag, and pulled out a small blue bottle, then dumped the contents into her hand. "Oooo, pretty." She whispered, drunkenly, while Lightoller stared at her as if she was insane.

"What exactly-" Lights began.

"Drug bag." Romano remarked, matter-of-factly. "Don't ask. They both get that way."

Cassi calmly swallowed about four pills then leaned back on the bench she was sitting on. "All better in about 15 minutes." She murmured, changing her skates back to shoes. "Where's the balloon bag?"

Lightoller yanked the bag off his shoulder and held it out.

"'Kay, you better run off, and I'll nail the Officer that's coming around the corner now." Cassi informed him, pointing as Mr. Lowe rounded the corner, looking for the 2nd Officer.

Lightoller and Romano exchanged a glance and bolted.

Lowe, seeing them both take off, ran past Cassi and Sven, not even seeing them. "Ready...aim..." Cassi remarked slowly.

"FIRE!" Sven yelled, and both of them plastered Harold Lowe. Cassi; with a purple paint balloon, and Sven; with a water pistol. The Fifth Officer was a five year old before he even knew what had hit him.

"Aww, he's so CUTE!" Cassi exclaimed. "Look at how cute he is!"

"Yeeeaaah." Sven mused with a frown. "He's soooooo...purple."

Lowe looked down at himself in sheer horror, as both Lightoller and Romano came back to look him over.

"Hey...he _was_ cute." Lights remarked, thoughtfully. "I wonder what happened."

"Oh cut it out." Sven scolded him. "He was cute _before _we made him into a five year old!"

"Is he okay?" Romano asked, snapping his fingers in front of the little boy's eyes.

Lightoller rolled his eyes. "He's fine." He concluded. "He's just..."

"In a semi state of shock." Romano finished, picking the kid up. "Where did the Captain go?"

The Second Officer shrugged. "Last_ I_ saw him he hit me with a balloon full of blue paint." He retorted, flatly. "Good luck finding him."

Before anyone could respond to this, they were interrupted by Chris Mason, who came running up with a paperback book in his hand. "You guys have** got** to see this!" He yelled, coming to a stop between Cassi and Sven.

"Who's he?" Lights asked, noting the looks of the young man.

"Chris Mason." Sven replied. "He's my Assistant. He and his group are down in Steerage."

"Looking at the Passenger list." Chris put in; opening the book, and finding the name he wanted. "Check this one out!"

Lightoller looked over Cassi and Sven's shoulders at the name he indicated. "Major Archibald Butt?" He commented. "Yes, he worked for President Taft. He's one of our most prominent passengers. What of him?"

Cassi and Sven looked at each other in surprise. "Oh _**man**_!" Cassi managed to get out, before both of them burst out laughing.

Romano, only having heard part of this, turned around staring in surprise. "Archie's bald _**WHAT**_?"

Lights, after a second, looked at Romano, and then he realized exactly what had made Sven and Cassi laugh so hard. "Ohhhh no." He groaned before he collapsed into fits of laughter himself. "Major Butt isn't going to like this."

At this comment, the entire group, were laughing so hard, tears were streaking their faces. Behind them a shocked Officer Harold Lowe was still staring in shock, having been abandoned by Romano. Ignoring the laughter, he was looking at his ruined coat and trying to convince himself he wasn't dreaming.

"I can't believe someone would actually_ have_ that as a name." Cassi remarked, gasping for breath.

"That's disgusting." Romano muttered. "What kind of mother would _DO_ that to a child?"

"Go show Ryan and Murdoc." Sven told Chris, wiping tears from her face.

"Just don't say it too loud." Lightoller begged. "He _STILL_ happens to be one of our most important passengers."

"Scout's Honor." Chris promised and turned, running toward the other side of the ship. "HEY UNCLE RYAN! GUESS WHAT! THERE'S A PASSENGER NAMED ARCHIE BALD-BUTT ON THE SHIP!" They heard him yelling at the top of his lungs.

As he disappeared, Lightoller covered his face in a groan, and Sven burst out laughing. "Did we forget to mention Chris was never a Scout, and he can't keep _ANYTHING_ quiet?" Sven informed the Officer, patting him on the back.


	5. Adults VS the Kids

_**CHAPTER FOUR: "ADULTS VS THE KIDS"**_

On the port side of the Boat Deck, several passengers stared as the group of people nailed Officer Wilde to a wall by his uniform. The Chief Officer was loudly voicing his disagreement, but the First Officer could do nothing to stop the intruders. He was covered in red paint, and even though he felt this to be a little extensive in the lines of mischief, he'd decided it was not very wise to protest, lest he end up in the same fix.

Riddick grinned as he pounded the last nail in. "There we go." He announced triumphantly. "Now he doesn't seem to have much to say about us."

"Can we throw things at him?" Ask questioned, excitedly. "He'd make a great human dart board."

Murdoc's sadistic grin widened, as he threw a ten inch hunting blade at the wall, missing Henry's face by mere fraction of an inch.

William Murdoch stared, wide eyed. He'd had no idea what they were doing, and finally decided the time had come to speak up. "Wait." He cut in, grabbing Ryan's arm before the Irish man could throw his own. "This wasn't part of the arrangement. I can't let you do this."

"Relax!" Amanda assured him, pulling the Officer back before Ryan could get offended. "They have **excellent** aim and won't hit him unless they're _trying_ to."

Murdoch shook his head. "Look, you can throw all the paint on him that you wish, but I will **not** let you throw knives." He insisted.

The group exchanged a glance. "Oh well why didn't you _say_ so?" Ask remarked, with a shrug. "Break out the pea shooters! We can shoot **spitballs** at him!"

Wilde was now glaring at Murdoch with a look that would have burned the man into the floor, if he'd had Elizabeth's magic talent . . .

Murdoc shrugged and pulled out a pea-shooter, and a few sheets of paper. "Shall we then?"

"AHHHH! ME FIRST!" Becca yelled, screeching to a stop on her rollerblades, making several more long skid marks down the deck. "I wanna spit on him too!"

As soon as he figured out what the group had in mind, Murdoch shook his head in disbelief. "Oh I don't believe this." He muttered under his breath.

"What on earth are they doing?" Captain Smith's child-like voice spoke up from behind him.

Murdoch turned and looked down. "At least they're not throwing knives." He pointed out.

Smith looked on, in disapproval. There was nothing he could do about this anyway, until he could get himself fixed.

Remembering his paint-splattered coat, Murdoch turned on his heel, intending to give the Captain a piece of his mind...but the Captain had already run off.

"Nice work." Ryan commented flatly. "Ye let 'im go."

Murdoch rolled his eyes and gave Ryan a flat look. "And your group was the ones who made him that way to start with, so who's _really_ to blame?" He retorted.

Ryan shrugged, and handed him a pea-shooter. "Wanna take a few shots while ye can?"

Murdoch bit his lip, in thought. How often would he ever get the chance to get away with doing something like this? "Okay." He answered, taking the shooter.

"Hey RYAN! MIKE!" Chris yelled as he approached the group. "Guess what!" The long-haired young man skidded to a stop as he figured out what they were doing. "Hey, no fair! I wanna shoot too!"

"Who's this?" Murdoch asked pointedly, eyeing the leather jacket and shredded jeans.

"My Step-son, Chris Mason." Murdoc answered. "We're very proud of him. What were you wanting...aside of to help pelt the Chief Officer with spitballs?"

"You guys have **got **to see this one!" He cried, opening a book to the back pages.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the starboard side of the Boat Deck, the group was **still** laughing so hard they all appeared as if they were going to go into spasms at any moment.

"Oh come on! It wasn't **that **funny!" Thomas Andrews protested. He was not entirely happy to be stuck like this, and after hearing the loud fits of laughter, he'd followed it to the group in question.

"Yes it **was**!" Carter managed to gasp. "I can't believe they call that guy, 'Major **BUTT**!'"

Andrews glared at Lightoller. "This is _your_ fault, you know."

Lightoller gave an aghast look. "It most certainly is **not**!" He argued. "_They're_ the ones that did this!"

Behind the group, Harold Lowe was still watching them in a state of confusion. He was somehow a child, yet, he still had an adult's mind. Here he was, on the deck of the _Titanic_, five years old, still wearing an Officer's uniform . . . . and covered in purple paint. So_ now_ what was he supposed to do?

A small tap on his shoulder brought him out of his reverie. He turned to see another child, wearing part of an Officer's Uniform, without the coat and hat. A closer look and he realized this was **Moody**. He stared a second before he allowed James to pull him around the corner.

"Come on!" James whispered, motioning him to follow.

As soon as the two were a decent distance away, Moody lifted the cover on one of the lifeboats a small bit, motioning for Lowe to climb in. Once inside, Lowe was greeted by two other children. After making sure the cover was securely in place, Moody breathed a sigh of relief.

"Will someone mind telling me what the bloody hell is going _on_ here?" Lowe demanded, quietly.

"Meet Joseph and the Captain." Moody informed him, motioning to the others.

Lowe blinked. "Who did this?" He asked then thought better of it. "Never mind that! Who are those people on the ship?"

EJ shook his head. "I don't have the slightest idea who they are." He confessed. "They've got someone that looks like me on the bridge by the name of Theodin, and obviously Murdoch and Lightoller are with them.

"Are there any other Officers still adults?" Boxhall asked.

"I haven't seen Pitman." Smith replied, shaking his head. "And, Henry's a bit occupied right now. I think they nailed him to a wall and they're now spitting wads of paper on him."

The three junior Officers exchanged a glance, and covered their mouths, trying to suppress the laughter, ending up with all three of them choking.

A noise nearby startled the four, and they quickly cut the laughing short and went dead silent, listening.

"Oh it's just beautiful!" A young woman's voice exclaimed. "I_ love_ it."

"No problem, luv." The answer came back. "Anythin' ye wants, jest lemme know an' I'll steal it for ye!"

The happy couple passed by, discussing what sounded like wedding plans, and the group of hidden children listened quietly until they were sure they were gone.

"That sounded like the one that came into my cabin earlier." Smith whispered. "She was the one who made the copy of my Uniform for that Theodin man."

"So what do we do now?" Joseph put in. "It's pretty obvious that these people are capable of things that we'd never imagine. How do we fight _that_?"

Moody grinned. "We fight fire with fire." He remarked, with a sinister tone. "They're acting as childish as they can, so why don't we? We are, after all; children."

Lowe frowned, considering this. "And the other Officers?"

"We have to find Pitman before _they_ do." Smith spoke up. "And they've already got Andrews in this condition, as we've been informed." He chewed his lip in thought. "Lowe and Moody, you go after Andrews. Boxhall and I will go after Pitman. Understood?"

* * *

Down on the First Class Promenade, the situation was slightly different. An adult Rose and Molly Brown stood with a few children that had previously been Mr. Jack Thayer, Col. Archibald Gracie and Jack Dawson. The women had no idea how to change them back or even if they **could** be changed back.

"This could be bad." Jack remarked, looking around the deck.

"Does anyone know where to find the ones that did this?" Jack Thayer put in. "My family's expecting me to be at dinner this evening, and I certainly can't go like _this_."

Molly shook her head. "We'll have to find one of them." She replied, with a shrug. "Don't sweat it, son. We just have to get close enough to ask about it without getting changed ourselves."

Rose frowned in thought. Truthfully, she wasn't sure she_ didn't_ want to be five like the rest of them. It would certainly solve most of her problems. Why could they not have hit her as well? This was just not fair. She looked around. Where had that little man with the fuzzy feet gone? "I can go look for someone." She volunteered.

* * *

Over on the port side of the Boat Deck, where Wilde was **still** nailed to the wall, the laughter had yet to die down, and Becca, Mid, Emmy and Silver were now rollerblading down the decks, shouting something about Archie's bald butt and Bobby the Evil Bunny, much to the amusement of a good portion of the passengers.

Sven was skating down the deck, when she spotted the group spitting on Wilde. "Hey, what's up?" She asked, slowing to a stop.

"We're using Mr. Wilde for target practice." Chris informed her, proudly. "But Mr. Murdoch is a party pooper and won't let us use knives."

Sven raised an eyebrow. "Is that the _only_ thing he said not to use?" She asked, with a sly look.

Chris caught the meaning, and grinned back. "Yeah." He told her.

"Okay." Sven replied, and pulling out a gun, she proceeded to shoot the Chief Officer in the heart, producing several gasps from the passengers, and causing a few ladies to faint. "At least I didn't break any rules." She went on, skating away.

William Murdoch was now staring in complete and utter shock, as his face drained of color. "What have you people _done_?" He managed to get out, backing away. Suddenly this was not fun anymore. Never, in any of their descriptions of their mischief, did Cassi and Sven mention committing _**murder**_! That had _not_ been part of their arrangement!

Chris looked at the Officer's pale face. "I think he's broken." He remarked, using the Raptor's terminology.

Murdoc waved a hand in front of the other man's face. "Hey! Will, relax!" He assured. "He's not dead forever, we can **fix** it!"

Amanda shook her head. "Definitely broken." She agreed, as Murdoch remained speechless.

Chris sighed in exasperation, and walked over to Wilde's body, still hanging on the wall. "Okay, back up ladies and gentlemen!" He announced, sounding like a game show-host. "For my next trick, I shall bring this_ very_ dead corpse back to life!"

Farther in the back, from their perch atop the Officer's Quarters, Boxhall and Captain Smith exchanged a confused glance. Both had seen Wilde get shot by the young woman, and neither knew what to do.

Chris merely walked over to the dead body, and snapped his fingers in front of Wilde's face. The "Dead" man instantly came back to life and was staring at the group still looking rather angry. He seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that had actually been dead. "Thank you thank you!" Chris cried, taking his bows. "I'll be here all day!"

Murdoch simply stood there, still in shock. _What_ had he just seen?

"Are you okay?" Riddick asked, pointedly. "Relax; we do that all the time. Either the Assistants or the Med Team bring the dead people back. It's no big deal."

"I think I need to sit down now." Murdoch managed to say quietly before he fainted.

Riddick caught the Officer before he hit the floor. "Okay, he's definitely broken for a while. Somebody help me get him to a chair."

Ryan shook his head and came over to help. "Some people just can't have decent fun anymore." He muttered, quietly as he and Riddick carried the Officer to his quarters, with Amanda and Ask following behind.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Boat Deck, not having heard the silencer shot that Sven had taken at Wilde, Lowe and Moody were scanning the deck, in search of Andrews. At the Captain and Moody's advice, Lowe had removed his Officer's coat and hat and kept it stashed in the lifeboat they were using as a hiding place, with the others' uniform coats. His shirt and trousers were still covered in purple paint, but he looked less like an Officer now.

"Where do you think he went?" James asked, quietly looking around.

Lowe shook his head and sighed. "The last place I saw him was here." He insisted, with a shrug. "He can't have gone too far."

"Do you two know anything about the little man who has that water pistol?" A female voice suddenly spoke up behind the children, causing both of them to jump.

Startled, the boys turned around to see a young redheaded woman, who was obviously a First Class Passenger. "Who are you?" Moody asked, cautiously.

"Rose Dewitt Bukater." She answered. "I'm looking for someone who knows about this magic water, or whatever it was. I have a few friends who seem to be small children."

The Officers exchanged a glance. "Sorry Miss Bukater." Lowe remarked, with a sigh. "We don't know anything about it, as we seem to have the same problem ourselves. We're looking for Mr. Andrews."

Rose kneeled down to look at them. "I haven't seen him anywhere." She told them, shaking her head.

"Well, really you wouldn't, unless you know what you're looking for." Moody informed her. "He's in the same condition as we are."

"They got Mr. Andrews?" Rose exclaimed, trying to keep her voice down. "Now of all the unfair things to happen-" She sighed, annoyed.

The two stared at her in surprise. Had she just said '_unfair_'? "Wait, you just said you were looking to _reverse_ this." Moody replied, frowning. "What is it you're _really_ looking for?"

"Honestly?" Rose confessed. "I wanted them to change me as well. I kind of wanted to join some of the fun. Do you have any idea how boring the First Class is?"

"James Moody, this is Harold Lowe." Moody informed her, introducing them both. "We're the Fifth and Sixth Officers. They've also gotten the Captain and the Fourth Officer, in addition to Mr. Andrews. We were trying to get to Mr. Andrews before the others do."

Rose nodded. "I suppose I can help, if possible." She answered, standing back up. "If you can help me find someone with one of those water pistols."

"Agreed." The Officers replied, shaking her hand.

"By the way, to reverse the effects, you have to be shot with the pistol a second time." James told her.

Lowe stared at his friend. "Wait a second..." He cut in. "You never said you knew how to reverse it."

Moody shrugged. "They demonstrated on me to prove to Murdoch and Lights that they could do it." He answered, matter-of-factly. "We just figured that it would be more fun to take our revenge first." He explained, shrugging. "Besides, it's not really all that easy to get one of those pistols."

"Okay." Rose mused. "I can tell Mr. Thayer and Col. Gracie that much . . . however, I should wait until after they get me."

"Probably a good idea." Lowe put in, before he resumed looking around the deck. "Mr. Andrews was here with the others just a minute or so ago. He must be around here somewhere. In regards to someone with a pistol, that could be anyone who came with the group that's here, and they're pretty much everywhere from what Jimmy says.

Moody nodded. "All over the place." He confirmed. "Just look for the ones who are dressed a bit strange."

"Like them?" Rose asked, pointing to a couple small children with dark skin, tattoos on their faces, and wearing clothes that one would expect to find in a desert.

"Exactly." Moody answered, ducking around the corner, pulling Lowe with him. "Ask them."

Rose bit her lip and approached the two children. "Excuse me." She called out to them.

The boys stopped talking and looked up at her. "Hi, I know you." One of them spoke up. "You're the one with the crummy guy who beats up women.

Rose stared at the boy. "_**What**_?"

"The guy that looks like the Phantom?" The boy went on. "Lucy stuck a 'kick me' sign on his back."

Rose frowned. "You mean _Cal_?" She asked, still staring at him. "He doesn't beat me."

"He does too!" The other boy argued. "We _saw_ him! He's supposed to strike you in the face."

Around the corner, the two Officers stared at one another. Moody had seen the sign that Andrews had removed from Mr. Hockley's back, but he'd had no idea what it had meant. "It would explain a _lot."_ Lowe whispered under his breath.

Moody nodded in agreement.

"I'm John Carter; this is my brother, Ardeth Bay . . . kind of adopted brother, but brother none the less." The first one replied. "What was it you were wanting?"

"Would you happen to have one of those water pistols?" Rose asked, trying to forget what they'd said about Cal.

The two looked at each other and back up at her. "No." Ardeth answered, shaking his head. "I do not need one."

Rose's shoulders slumped. "Oh. Never mind then." She remarked, disappointed. "I was sort of wondering if someone could perhaps change me like the others."

The two gave looks of understanding. "Oh, well why didn't you just _ask_?" Carter cried, with a grin. "Ardeth can change you with_out_ the pistol! Transformation is his magic talent! That's why he doesn't need the gun." (Ardeth is playing Magician Trent in the Xanth spoofs)

"Really!" Rose asked, excitedly. "Well then please do! The sooner, the better."

"**NO**!" Exclaimed a child's voice. "Rose, don't!"

Moody and Lowe's faces took on an immediate look of relief. They had found Thomas Andrews!

"Too late." Carter cut in as Rose was changed. "She got within six feet of Ardeth."

Andrews skidded to a stop next to the group. "What are you doing?" He demanded, looking Rose in the face.

She stared at this man who'd been like a father-figure since she had boarded the ship. "I only wanted to have a little fun." She admitted. "They already got_ Jack_!"

"Well yeah, but only because Sven was gonna shoot him if they didn't." Carter told them all. "He kind of looks like someone they really don't like, named DiCrapio or something like that."

Andrews blinked. "Oh perfect, now they're threatening to _shoot_ people." He muttered under his breath. "Just lovely. I just hope Siobhan is still sleeping." (yes we have permission to use this character-thank you Silent Thunder)

Carter rolled his eyes. "Oh please, it's not like they can't just bring them back." He smirked. "They do it all the time. Dr. Romano's only killed about 40 people." He grinned proudly. "I was the number one killer before him." (Carter & Romano's kills-See Jurassic 2&3)

The two Officers came out of their hiding places to stare at the two tattooed boys.

"Hey, which ones are you guys?" Carter asked them.

Andrews turned to face the Officers. "Moody and Lowe." He mused, remembering Lowe had been hit with purple paint before he was changed.

The boys nodded. "We were looking for you." Moody told Andrews.

Thomas frowned. "And what did you want?" He asked, with a sigh.

Lowe gave an evil grin. "To fight fire with fire." He informed the shipbuilder. "Captain Smith and Joseph are looking for Pitman."

Ardeth raised an eyebrow. "Does this remind one of what happened in the ER?" He asked Carter. (Youth Elixir 1-Sven's page)

Carter nodded. "And Port Royal." He agreed. "So, you guys wanna fight? Ardeth can do transformations on any living thing that gets within six feet of him. We can help you guys." (Youth Elixir 2-Sven's page)

Andrews eyed the two. "I seem to be getting the idea the two of you have done this sort of thing before." He remarked, in a flat tone.

Carter grinned. "Only twice." He defended. "And every time, we just get crazier. Come on, what have you got to lose? The ship's already pretty much trashed anyway, and if it isn't, just wait a day or two."

Ardeth stared at his brother and suddenly clamped a hand over his mouth. "Try to ignore my brother. He's had a bit too much morphine in the recent months." He explained.

Carter realized what he'd said, and instantly changed his tune. "Right, I'm on drugs. Ignore me." He quickly stated.

Andrews was not listening to him. He was remembering what the sign on Lightoller's back had said, and when he looked up, he realized Moody was thinking the exact same thing. Lowe was now looking from Moody to Andrews and back again, with his own frown. Obviously there was more that he had not been told.

"Oh crap." Carter muttered under his breath. "I screwed up, huh?"

Ardeth nodded, and gave him the traditional brain duster.

This got Rose's attention and she looked from the Officers and Mr. Andrews to the other two boys. "What is it you're not saying?" She asked, quietly.

Carter shook his head. "Hey, I'm not saying one word!" He exclaimed. "I have a _**life**_! We were under direct orders not to say anything, and I'm not dying for you!"

"That's true!" The short fuzzy-footed man chimed in, approaching the group with yet another short fuzzy-footed man. "Cassi and Sven said no, and we're not to say one word about this ship sinkin' because it's bad for you to know!"

With this, the entire group turned to stare at the man, in shock. For Ardeth and Carter the shock was more because they couldn't believe what he'd said.

The other fuzzy-footed man shook his head in disgust. "Nice goin', Pip. Why don't you just put an ad in the paper, and paint it on the front of the ship that they're all gonna _die_!" He grumbled, giving his friend a smack on the back of the head.

Pippin frowned. "But they don't all die. Only about 1500." He defended.

The Officers and the two Passengers were now staring open-mouthed at both fuzz-footed gentlemen, and Carter threw up his hands in defeat. "Well, I guess _lying_ about it is out of the question about now."

"Where's Agent J?" Ardeth wondered, looking around. "Tell him we need his...thing now."

Pippin looked at the floor with guilty eyes. "I'll call him." He said, quietly.

"Already here." The MIB spoke up behind them. "There's monitors around the ship, remember? I just had to convince about 50 passengers that a woman with purple hair did not shoot their Chief Officer and a biker gang member did not just bring him back to life by snapping his fingers."

Lowe frowned. "Someone with purple hair shot Mr. Wilde?" He asked, confused.

Ardeth rolled his eyes. "You people should talk more." He murmured quietly. "Then again, I guess you talk too much already."

"Shades, boys." Jay told the others, standing in front of the group of children. "I'll take care of this."

The Officers, Rose and Andrews looked at each other, and gave a small nod. With this, Andrews looked behind the rest of the group. "LOOK, there's that green horse again!" He cried, pointing.

As expected, the group turned to look. "Fiddles?" Carter cried. "Where?"

The Titanic-bound children instantly bolted around the corner, and out of sight.

Agent Jay turned back, and swore under his breath. They had fallen for their own trick! "Ah [beep]!" He exclaimed. "Cassi and Sven aren't going to like this at all!"

Pippin and Merry exchanged a glance. "Merry?" Pippin whispered, quietly.

"Yeah?" Merry replied, looking back at him.

"I'm hungry."


	6. Squeeks and Splats!

_**CHAPTER FIVE "SQUEEKS AND SPLATS"**_

As soon as they had gotten a safe distance away from the man in the black suit, Moody, Lowe, Andrews, and Rose slid down the wall, panting to rest.

"Who was that man?" Andrews managed to ask as soon as he caught his breath.

"That must be the one that they were talking about when Captain Smith and I were on top of the Officer's Quarters." Moody replied, leaning back against the wall. "They were saying there was some Agent that could make us forget everything."

Rose shivered. "So what was that about the ship sinking?"

Andrews shook his head. "The sign they had taped to Mr. Lightoller's back read something in the lines of, 'Senior _Officer's Sole Survivor._'" He informed them.

"Do you think this ship could actually **sink**?" Lowe put in.

Andrews sighed, chewing his lip. "It would have to have more than four flooded compartments to sink." He remarked, keeping his voice down. "I can't really imagine that sort of damage being done, nor what it would take to damage the ship that badly." He went on. "If the ship sinks, we don't have enough lifeboats for everyone." He pointed out.

"That one, Pippin, mentioned something about 1500 people _dying_." Lowe pointed out, making a face.

Moody frowned. "I don't know. I saw that sign on Lights." He spoke up, nervously. "And it gave me the creeps."

"And if this is something they don't want us to remember..." Rose trailed off. "We can't let it happen. Did they say _how _it was supposed to sink?"

"I didn't hear any mention of it until just when those two mentioned it." Moody remarked, slowly. "So I guess nobody's said yet. How do we find out?"

"The only plausible way would be a collision with another ship or possibly an iceberg." Andrews remarked, thinking it over. He knew they had received ice warnings from other ships on the route.

The group looked up sharply as they heard footsteps nearby.

"We have to get back to the lifeboat." Lowe whispered. "Captain Smith said to go back there as soon as we got Mr. Andrews."

Moody nodded. "Right, let's go before they catch us." He concluded.

* * *

Up on the Port side of the Boat Deck, after the others had carried off Murdoch, and Agent Jay had convinced the Passengers that they had not seen what they had thought, the group around Henry Wilde was now bored with spitting things on the Officer.

"So what do you wanna do now?" Chris asked Becca and Mid.

Becca yawned. "I don't know, what do you wanna do?"

Mid gave a small grin. "Guys? I can make a dumb suggestion." She spoke up, holding up a bag filled with different colors of spray-paint.

Chris' grin widened. "Hey **yeah**! We can vandalize the place!" He exclaimed, in agreement. "What colors have you got in there? We can go get the rest of the band and then we'll **all **do it! Cassi Martinez is a great artist...as are most of the rest of us!"

"Cool!" Becca put in. "Can we write anything about the ship sinking?"

Chris shrugged. "We already told a couple guys in Steerage." He replied, thoughtfully. "Agent Jay's going to make them all forget anyway. "It's not like nobody knows anything."

"Okay, let's go." Silver remarked as she and Emmy came walking over to the group. "Wait, I have to do something first." She paused, looking at Wilde. "Hey."

Wilde looked up, warily. "What?"

"You have paper stuck to your face." She told him, quietly, then reached up and snatched the hat off his head, and put it on. "I always wanted one of these."

"Right, shall we go then?" Emmy asked, pulling a can of purple spray-paint out of the bag.

Officer Wilde was now staring at the group as they all walked away. They weren't going to _leave_ him there, were they? "Now I _really_ hate this ship." He muttered under his breath then he frowned. Did they just say something about the ship _sinking_?

* * *

Meanwhile, in Murdoch's quarters, the First Officer was finally coming around. "Ugh, I had a horrible dream." He murmured under his breath.

"That's what you think, pal." Amanda replied, flatly.

Murdoch sat up, abruptly, looking from her, to Riddick, to Ryan, and finally to Ask and Murdoc. "No, I'm still in it."

"That's okay, we love you too." Ask retorted, with a snicker.

"Is he alright?" Lightoller suddenly spoke up from the doorway. The Second Officer had heard what had happened from Sven, and had come to check on his shipmate.

Murdoch shook his head. "I have a headache."

"I have some sea-sickness pills." Amanda offered. [Amanda's pills CAUSE sea sickness]

"He doesn't need those." Riddick told her, shaking his head. "Go offer them to that woman-beater."

Amanda shrugged. "I also have what Cassi calls 'Vitamin E'." She went on. (technical definition: Vitamin E =Excedrin Migraine...we call it vitamin because we have a 6 year old in the house—at least we did when this was originally written. They're 8 and 12 now)

Ryan nodded. "Yeh that you should give him." He helped Murdoch sit up. "This one gets rid of headaches."

"Don't be silly." Lightoller quipped. "You can't get rid of headaches by using things like that. The only way to get rid of headaches is to push them overboard."

"Try it and we'll take you with us." Remarked Amanda, matter-of-factly.

"Actually, I was thinking of a few other headaches in the ship." Lights informed her, pointedly. "I happen to know quite a few people I wouldn't mind seeing overboard."

Amanda nodded. "Okay, you're forgiven." She answered, handing Murdoch two Excedrin. "Give it a few minutes, and you'll be fine."

"Is this safe?" Murdoch asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

"Just be glad it's not morphine." Remarked Murdoc, with a smirk. "We've had a whole load of morphine junkies around our group."

Amanda snickered. "Present company included." She retorted, elbowing Ryan.

"Hey, I had 150 stitches in my arm that a large dinosaur who thought he was a dog, took a big bite of." Murdoc explained, defensively. "_Ryan_ was the one who just got shot with the dart by Carter." (Jurassic Spoof III -Cassi, Youth Elixir 1-Sven)

Murdoch and Lights exchanged a glance. "I think it's safer if we don't ask about that one, Bill." Lights answered, shaking his head.

"Yeah, that was the name of the dinosaur." Ryan informed them. "Bill." (Bill Spino-currently in therapy because of an incident involving B-A-R-N-E-Y)

"Okay, now I _really_ don't want to know." Murdoch replied, quietly, getting up off his bed. "Let's go."

The group quickly left the room, not glancing back, and certainly not noticing the black hard-cover book lying on the floor, almost underneath a chair. The name, "Cassandra" was stamped down the side of the book on the pages, and the spine of the book read only four words. "_Ghosts of the Titanic."_ [oops, what a dreadful accident]

* * *

At about this time, at the very fancy restaurant (that for the life of me, I can't remember the name of), Merry and Pippin had already inhaled their food, and were now dancing on the table, singing, and holding large mugs of what could only be alcohol.

Needless to say, several First Class people had actually left the room in disgust, and the Chef had already sent for the Master at Arms, Mr. King. It was assumed that these two rather short men were from Steerage and had snuck up into the First Class. Ordinarily, they would not have been served their food, except that the two Hobbits had not come alone. With them were two men rather average in height and both insistent that they should all be served and both threatened the waiters and the Chef with several knives attached to their hands. (although only one actually had them come _out _of his hands, while the other wore them on gloves—i.e. Wolverine and Freddy)

The two men with the claws were not finished eating and didn't seem to mind the men dancing on the table in front of them. Instead, they just concentrated on the food . . . which was quite a sight; as the food appeared to be screaming and the one with the gloves seemed to find it hilariously funny to just repeatedly poke the food with his claws, and laugh as it screamed.

Due to all this commotion, _nobody _was eating their food, and some had actually pushed it away, disgusted. With the exception of one man and his wife over in a far corner. The two seemed to ignore the group entirely. However, it was pretty obvious that they were _not_ real passengers as the woman's hair had a greenish cast to it. [for those who are not our regular readers, this man and woman are King Dor and Queen Irene of Xanth, and Dor is the one who is making the food scream as he causes inanimate objects to speak when he's around.

The waiters and Passengers were now sitting as far as possible from the wild group, and anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Master At Arms, who would surely put these lower classed people where they belonged . . . (Unfortunately, Thomas King seems to be "all tied up"-literally, and the Master at Arms is now _our_ Master at Arms.)

As expected, the people in the restaurant found this out rather quickly as Master at Arms; Steve V. Raptor strolled through the door, wearing a black t-shirt that read, "Security". We won't go into the grisly details, but let's just say the place emptied **very** fast, with the exception of the ones farther from the door, as nobody wanted to go past Steve. [do you blame them?]

Following Steve was his wife, Bridget, and his brother and Sister-in-law, Nick and Sara.

"Somebody call the Master at Arms?" Steve called out, pointedly.

The Chef came out and stared in sheer horror a second before he fainted.

Sara stepped over to the man and poked him. "I think he's broken."

Nick sighed, annoyed. "Great, so what do you think they wanted?" He spat out. "I don't see anything bad here."

"Wait a sec. . ." Bridget interrupted, sniffing around. "There's **rats** in here! _That_ must be why they called us!"

Steve, Nick and Sara grinned as they caught the scent. "Oh yes." Steve agreed, with a sigh. "_Lots_ of rats."

"Did someone say rats?" Denny called from the door. "Me and Frankie can help!"

Logan finally looked up from his food. "Hey, they're right!" He cried, disgusted, as he also sniffed the air.

Freddy grinned as he stood up, now bored with the screaming food. "Rats scream louder." He pointed out, sinisterly. (as if there was any confusion as to who these two were)

On top of the table, Merry and Pippin stared at each other. "Rats?" Pippin whispered.

Merry made a face. "We should get out of here, Pip." He answered, climbing off the table. "I remember what happened _last _time the raptors got around rats."

Pippin nodded in agreement. "That was nasty." He added. "Let's go." With this, the two Hobbits bolted out the door, followed by Dor and Irene, who had also remembered the last rat infestation, as the basement of Castle Roogna had **still** not been cleaned from it. (to put it nicely...do **not** go in there-there were at least 8000 rats down there)

"Heeeere rat rat rat!" Denny called out, quietly stalking across the room.

"**FOUND THEM**!" Nick yelled, loudly as a large group of rats went running out of the kitchen, headed for the door of the restaurant in blind panic.

"**WaaaaaHOOOOO**!" Denny yelled, pouncing through the air, to land on top of a rat.

There was a loud squeak, a resounding splat, and various rat parts went flying through the air, causing any passengers still in the room to run out, covering their mouths, and screaming.

Denny was joined by the other five raptors, chasing and squashing the entire group of rats, one at a time.

Outside the restaurant, unnoticed by any of the Passengers, stood a small group of children, one of which was still covered in purple paint, although not as much as before, as he had already abandoned his Officer's coat.

"Do we want to know?" Rose asked, eyeing the fleeing passengers.

"I don't think I do." Andrews answered, shaking his head.

Lowe and Moody exchanged a brief glance, and both went running over to the doorway of the restaurant, leaving Rose and Andrews hanging back.

As they looked in, both boys stared at one another. "Ew." Moody murmured, making a face.

Lowe blinked. "Something tells me the First Class won't be using that place anytime soon." He remarked, covering his mouth.

"Do we want to look?" Andrews called after the two.

"I wouldn't if I were you." Lowe called back.

"So this is First Class, ey?" Tommy Ryan suddenly spoke up behind the boys.

The Officers jumped and turned to face the man who had just come up behind them with a large group of people that included the one they called Chris.

"Ugh, that's disgusting." A five year old Jack Dawson remarked, cringing. "I think I'll be eating in Steerage after all, tonight."

"Good move." A man who almost looked identical to Chris put in, sticking his tongue out.

"Oh **ugh**!" Rose spat out, aghast. "That's _disgusting_!"

Lowe turned to look at her. "Well what did you expect?" He retorted, pointedly. "I _told _you not to look!"

"Ew, rats go squishy." Becca quipped, making a 'Calvin' face.

"At least they're not screaming that they've got wives with 600 children this time." Chris quipped, snickering.

The group stared at him.

"They've done this _before_?" Moody cried looking completely grossed out.

"Only once." Jimmy told them. "I think it was funnier when they screamed and spoke." (Spoof of Chameleon-Sven)

"I think we should go now." Andrews cut in, trying not to look in the restaurant. The things they were doing to his creation, was not reassuring him in the least that they could fix it all.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Rose spoke up, quietly.

Lowe and Moody exchanged a glance. "We should definitely be going now." Moody agreed.

"Are you coming with us, Jack?" Rose asked.

Jack grinned. "Might as well." He replied, with a nod. "As long as I'm stuck this way, I might as well just run around with you guys."

"This way." Lowe told him, motioning toward the boat deck.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the Boat Deck, Quartermaster Hitchens had managed to get Chief Officer Wilde off the wall, although his uniform coat was badly damaged by the nail holes, and his hat was now missing. Third Officer Pitman was currently still an adult and standing, listening to Henry Wilde tell him the details as to what needed to be done. Included in this group were several Stewards, Quartermaster Rowe, and anyone else they were able to find to help put a stop to the whole mess.

"Where exactly are the rest of the Officers?" Pitman asked, exasperated. "I haven't seen Lowe since he went after Lightoller."

Wilde shook his head. "We're missing the Captain, Moody, and Mr. Andrews as well." He informed them. "According to the man who looks like the Captain, Mr. Moody and Captain Smith were changed into five year old children. If you wish to believe that, be my guest. Frankly, it sounds rather far-fetched."

"Where's Mr. King?" Rowe cut in. "Has no one called the Master at Arms?"

"He was called." Wilde replied, shaking his head. "The man who was sent to get him did not return, nor has Mr. King come up yet."

"Then you want us to restrain Mr. Murdoch and Mr. Lightoller?" Pitman questioned, wanting to make sure he was actually hearing this right.

"As far as I know, with the exception of the group that has come aboard, they seem to be the main ring leaders of the whole thing." Wilde told the group. "I want them restrained for questioning."

Rowe frowned. "But Murdoch and Lightoller are the First and Second Officers on the ship." He argued. "We can't just go and restrain them."

"The Captain is _missing_!" Wilde exclaimed. "Until he is found, I want those two _restrained_!"

"This doesn't look very promising." Lights whispered to Murdoch in the hallway leading to the Officer's Quarters.

"Maybe they should have left him nailed to the wall." Murdoch retorted, also keeping his voice down, for fear of being heard.

"We can put him back." Riddick suggested.

"I think we better separate." Ryan spoke up. "The larger the group, the easier it is to catch us."

Lightoller nodded. "Where did Cassi and Sven go?" He asked, massaging his temples.

Amanda shrugged. "Don't know." She answered, honestly. "You want a Vitamin E, too?"

"Does it work?" The Officer questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Actually, yes." Murdoch informed him, with a nod. "Very good, in fact. You people should leave some of those when you leave."

"Give." Lights ordered, holding out his hand. "So what was Cassi taking earlier?"

"I wasn't there." Amanda reminded him. "But I know she and Sven take some pretty strong stuff because Cassi has bad knee pains and Sven gets bad headaches. Could have been anything, really. Cassi only has about 15 different kinds of pills in her bag."

"Oh...oops." Lightoller muttered under his breath. "I sort of knocked her over."

"Bad move." Riddick put in. "You're lucky you're still alive. She's shot people for less."

"He's a favorite." Murdoc pointed out. "He's in the clear. She wants him to be an Assistant, remember? It's on the cast sheet."

"True." Riddick agreed.

"Assistant for what?" Murdoch cut in, confused.

"We can't say." Ryan told him. "Cassi will tell ye when she deems you ready to hear it."

"Who's going with who?" Murdoc asked, backing away from the end of the hallway.

"Ask is going with you." Riddick answered, smirking.

"Always." Ask replied, grinning. "I love hanging around with Murdoc."

Murdoc grinned and shook his head.

"I wanna find Mr. Hockley, and give him my sea-sickness pills." Amanda spoke up, trying to sound innocent.

"You can always give them to Mr. Ismay." Lightoller suggested. "What are they for?"

"They make you seasick." Amanda told him with a 'duh' look.

"Where did Ismay go?" Riddick asked, pointedly. "I haven't seen him since we pinned that sign on his back."

"Oh that was you?" Murdoch asked, snickering. "Lights and I dropped a balloon full of pink paint on him."

"I would guess he's probably in the lavatory, trying to wash it all off, by now." Lightoller informed the group.

Amanda's grin turned more sinister. "Reeeeaaalllly..."

Riddick gave a mischievous smirk. "Oh, this is going to be fun..."


	7. Fifth Officer WHIPLASH?

_**CHAPTER SIX "FIFTH OFFICER. . . .WHIPLASH?"**_

At the stern of the ship, the _Black Pearl_ was invisible and lashed to the Ocean liner. On board the ship, Imhotep and his wife, Glory were trying to get a man with dark hair and a slight English accent to put on an Officer's Uniform. The man was not cooperating very well. [Steve has spent most of his life in Kansas, and has very little trace of accent]

Steve "Whiplash" Wilson eyed the uniform with obvious distaste. "It's ugly."

Beside him, Teresa "West Wind" Romano snickered. "Glad _I'm_ not impersonating an Officer." She smirked. Teri was a five foot seven redhead, who wouldn't be seen dead in something like a uniform. She and Steve were tornado Chasers normally and had only agreed to come on this adventure because it would be fun to sack a ship like the Titanic, and Rocket Romano was her older brother, and frankly she hadn't seen him in about a year.

"Do you wanna drive the ship or not?" Imhotep asked pointedly. "You look like the Fifth Officer and you can't go like that."

Steve eyed his black jeans and sleeveless black t-shirt. "Why? This looks good."

"Not for 1912." Glory informed him. "You can take the thing off when you get to the bridge, but the only way you're getting in there is with this on."

"What about his hair?" Teri asked.

"Put it under the hat." Glory replied, handing Steve the Officer's hat.

"Ew, I look like a cop." Steve grumbled. Being one who was into drag racing in his spare time, he was not one for the cops. "Is this polyester?"

Teri snickered. "Steve has to wear polyester." She quipped. "Get me a picture for Wild Child and Coyote."

"Can I at least wear my black shirt under this?" He asked, tossing the white shirt aside.

Glory considered it. "I suppose." She answered, with a shrug. "At this point in time, I doubt they'll notice your shirt. They nailed the Chief Officer to a wall and his uniform is all full of nail-holes."

"What happened to the one that looks like me?" Steve persisted, finally putting the uniform coat on.

Glory shrugged. "My best guess is he's probably five years old, or they got him out of the way using another method." She explained. "I didn't see him. All I know is the ship is loaded in five year olds by now."

"So why aren't you guys over there?" Teri wanted to know.

Imhotep gave a slight shudder. "There's something on that ship that is not right." He murmured.

"He took one step on the ship and walked right back off." Glory told them. "And he wasn't the only one that felt it. It was really freaking me out. Whatever they're hauling on that ship, we're not going near it." (I'll explain this later)

Steve shrugged, considering this. "How's this?" He asked, turning around.

"May wanna get rid of the earring." Glory pointed out. "I don't think the Fifth Officer has an ear pierced."

"It's just a stud." Teri complained. "Like they'll notice it?"

"I'm not taking the earring off." Steve insisted. "You can cover my hair and the tattoo, but I'm _not_ getting rid of the earring."

Imhotep and Glory exchanged a glance. "Okay." They said in unison.

"I'll take you as far as the back end of the ship." Imhotep informed them, motioning for them to follow him. "You two should separate heading for the bridge, and I believe Rob is looking for Teri."

"Yeah, I had a feeling." Teri answered with a nod. "Let's rock and roll."

"Oh yes." Steve remarked, with a sinister look.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the ship, in one of the hallways on A Deck, Danger Zone, Emmy, Becca, Silver, and Mid were spray-painting the walls. Tommy and Fabri were standing back, not entirely sure they wanted to do this. Already, they had sprayed a whole load of interesting artwork on the walls, almost the entire length of the hallway.

"This is fun." Becca spoke up from where she was painting little smiley faces with weird expressions. "See? First Class _can_ be fun."

"Is this even legal?" Tommy asked, sounding doubtful.

Christy looked up from the painting of a motorcycle that she, Chrissy, and Cassi Martinez were working on. "Everything fun is illegal." She informed him, matter-of-factly. "Didn't you know that?"

"It can be fixed." Jimmy assured them from the painting of the 'Harley Davidson' logo he, Chris and Thackary were working on. "Cassi and Sven said they can put it all back before we leave. Besides, we told you, the ship's going to sink anyway. Like it matters?"

Mid gave a snicker. "Right and decades later, salvage crews will wonder how the 'Harley' logo ended up on the wall in First Class." She retorted.

With this thought, the group broke into laughter.

"**What in heaven's name are you **_**doing**_?" An angry voice cried out, outraged.

The group looked up to see the Third Officer.

"Oops, we're busted." Thackary remarked, snickering.

"The walls were drab and boring." Chrissy explained, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "So we improved them."

"Do you have any idea what you've **done**?" Pitman went on, with narrowed eyes. "You are coming with me!"

Chris raised an eyebrow. "You didn't say please." He answered, returning to the painting.

Becca stood up, and walked over to the Officer. "Can I have your hat?" She asked, quietly. "Emmy got Mr. Wilde's and I didn't get one."

Pitman stared at her a second as if he could not believe what he was hearing. "Do you even understand me?"

Thackary raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, were you talking?" He turned to look at something down the hall. "Ooo, shiny object." He turned again, ignoring the Officer.

"You'll have to get used to this." Jimmy explained. "Most of us suffer from short attention spans. What were you saying again?"

"I said, you are coming with me, **now**!" Pitman snapped, glaring.

"Why?" Emmy asked, pointedly.

"Because you cannot be doing this to the walls, and get away with it." Pitman grumbled.

"Why?" Crisa repeated.

"Because it's _not allowed_!" The Officer went on, getting madder.

"Why?" Mid asked.

The Officer gave a loud scream, and the group looked at one another.

"You know, stress is the number one cause of heart-attacks." Chris informed him. "You should sit down. You're developing a nasty twitch."

"All of you now! Put down whatever those are and get out of here!" Pitman ordered.

"Why?" Becca asked.

The Third Officer clenched his jaw, and looked as if he was truly contemplating homicide.

"Bored yet?" Chris asked, quietly.

"Yep." Jimmy answered, yawning. "Nail him."

Becca grinned and pulled out a balloon full of bright green paint. "Smile." She put in, throwing the balloon at the Officer.

The balloon splattered all over Pitman's uniform, but before he could completely lose his temper, Chris had pulled out a water pistol and sprayed him. "Well, that takes care of that." He remarked, putting the pistol away. "Another one bites the dust!"

"Let's go find another hallway." Emmy spoke up. "This one's full."

"Scotland Road is a really big hallway." Chris suggested. "It should be here somewhere."

Tommy and Fabri, by this time were now staring at the five year old Officer, impressed. They'd had no idea what was going to happen when Mr. Pitman had caught them, but the way it had been handled was nothing short of genius.

"Come on." Thackary called out, halfway down the hallway. "It's this way!" He announced. "Back to 3rd Class!"

The two Passengers looked at each other and shrugged, before they followed the group, leaving Herbert Pitman to stare down at himself in complete shock. For the first time, he was starting to believe the farfetched story of the Captain being changed into a child.

Just down the hallway, around the corner, Captain Smith and Joseph Boxhall stood, quietly waiting. They had been following Pitman around, knowing that he would most likely be changed sometime soon.

When they'd heard him yelling at the group in the hallway, Boxhall had given Smith a knowing look. This was their chance. As soon as the group of young people had left the hallway, with its walls a rainbow of color and pictures, the two finally came out of hiding and walked up behind Pitman, who was still in somewhat of a shock.

Boxhall calmly walked up behind his fellow Officer, and tapped him on the shoulder.

Pitman jumped, startled, and whirled to face the two children. After having been warned about the Captain's condition, he knew instantly who it was.

Smith eyed the paint. "Are you alright?" He asked.

Pitman blinked. "What is going on here?" He demanded.

"We haven't the slightest idea." Boxhall informed him. "But I can tell you, Wilde is currently the only adult Officer on the ship, with the exception of Lightoller and Murdoch."

Pitman shook his head. "Mr. Wilde mentioned they had done this, but none of us believed it." He murmured. "How is this even possible?"

"When we figure it out, we'll let you know." Answered Smith, with a shrug. "The man on the bridge who looks like me seems to be taking orders from someone else."

"A few someone else's." Boxhall corrected. "One with striped hair, one with purple hair, and another who runs around with a big guy, with dark glasses."

"How did they even get on the _ship_?" Pitman asked, looking completely confused.

Boxhall shook his head. "From what I've heard, they came in another ship, but there's been none sighted." He explained. "However, they _did _say something about it being invisible. We haven't figured that one out yet."

Pitman sighed. "So now what are we supposed to do?"

"Come with us." Boxhall told him. "The others should be waiting for us. We've been using Lifeboat 14 as a hiding place."

* * *

Outside the restaurant, Moody, Lowe, Rose, Andrews, and Jack were not waiting for the other group as they should have been. Instead, they were standing around the corner from the restaurant, waiting. Just as the group had started to head for the lifeboat, Lowe had happened to remember something vitally important.

"What time were you supposed to meet her?" Andrews asked, quietly.

Lowe sighed. "About 3:00." He informed him. "Right after my shift was supposed to have ended."

"Ouch." Moody remarked, under his breath. "Something tells me she does not want to go in there."

"Personally, I'd rather she didn't go in there." Andrews cut in.

"Well look on the bright side." Jack spoke up. "At least she wasn't in there when they came in."

Lowe grumbled something that did not sound like a nice word. "Personally, I don't _see_ a bright side here." He snapped, annoyed. "Do you even think she'll know who I am like this? She's going to think I forgot."

"Give her some credit, Mr. Lowe." Andrews assured him. "Siobhan is not the type of person to react like that. She'll most likely assume your shift is lasting longer than expected."

Moody patted his best friend on the shoulder. "Andrews is right, Harry." He agreed. "She'll probably hear what's going on around the ship, and assume you're working to control it."

"And if she starts looking for me?" Lowe retorted, pointedly. "As far as anyone knows, I just vanished off the ship."

"Well, you're about to find out." Rose whispered, catching his attention. "There she is."

The group watched as Siobhan Andrews approached the restaurant, obviously looking around for someone.

"Quick, we've got to stop her!" Andrews hissed. "I don't want her to see what they've done to that place!"

"Who's going to stop her?" Moody asked, pointedly. "You think she'll listen to a five year old covered in_ paint_?"

"You're not funny." Lowe remarked, flatly.

"Hold it!" A voice called out, stopping the girl from entering the place.

The group stared as one of the two men who had not left the place came out.

"Is something wrong?" Siobhan asked, trying to look around the man, then she paused, taking in his appearance. "Who are you?"

"Call me Logan." The man informed her. "And trust me when I say you do **not** wanna go in there."

"I'm supposed to be meeting someone there at 3:00." Siobhan insisted. "I have to be there."

Logan blinked. "Trust me." He repeated. "Whoever you're meeting is not in there right now. The place is a mess, and frankly, you really don't wanna see it."

"A mess?" She asked, looking confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, there were a whole load of rats in there, and now. . ." He paused, trying to word it correctly. "Now they're _still_ in there, but not in a way that you wanna be looking at."

"Now that _is_ putting it rather delicately." Moody remarked, under his breath.

Siobhan frowned. "I am supposed to be meeting someone there at 3:00." She repeated, insistently. "I don't care about rats."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'll put it bluntly." He replied, in annoyance. "There are rat parts all over the place and _nobody_ really wants to be eating in there."

She stared at him. "Tell me you're not serious."

"He's serious." A shortish blonde haired man with a pair of heavy metallic like gloves spoke up from behind Logan. "We splattered them all over the place. However, if you really think you can still eat in here, come right on in."

Logan pushed the other man back, then turned back to Siobhan. "Ignore Freddy." He told her. "Look, who is it you're looking for?"

With this, Moody gave an evil look and pushed Lowe out into the open, where he stumbled and nearly landed on his rear.

Both Siobhan and Logan turned to look at the child covered in paint, who was now glaring at his best friend.

"What in the world-" Siobhan began, slowly walking over to the child. As she came closer, the other children came out from their hiding place.

Logan sighed. "Yeah, there's kids all over the place." He called to her. "It's a good part of our problem."

Siobhan knelt down to look at the paint covered boy. "And what have you been getting into?" She asked, slowly.

Lowe didn't answer, but gave her a pleading look, hoping maybe she would figure out who he was, but there was no recognition in her face. He was now regretting that he'd removed his Officer's coat and hat.

"And where are you children's parents?" She asked, looking at the others, not really paying attention that one was dressed much like her uncle.

Before Lowe or any of the children could answer, a figure rounded the corner, headed toward the bridge.

Siobhan looked up. "Harold!" She yelled, trying to get his attention.

The paint-covered boy turned and stared in shock. The man Siobhan was looking at was almost identical to Lowe.

The man, seemed to not hear her as he continued walking.

Abandoning the group of children, Siobhan ran after the man she thought to be the Fifth Officer. "Lowe!" She cried, touching his shoulder.

Startled, he turned on his heel to look at her. "Huh?"

"Harold, you were supposed to meet me at 3!" She reminded him.

"I was?" He asked, cocking his head, as if trying to figure out what she was talking about.

Siobhan stared at the man for a second. This _was _Lowe. . .wasn't it?

"Mr. Lowe!" Came a shout across the deck. The man thought to be Lowe turned his head in the direction of the shout. As he did, the look on Siobhan's face turned to shock, as she noticed the small shiny object on his earlobe, then she took a closer look, realizing his clothes were _definitely_ not a complete Officer's Uniform.

She slowly backed away as Chief Officer Wilde ran up to the stranger with Lowe's face.

"Where on earth have you_ been_?" Wilde demanded, glaring at him.

The man blinked. "Changing clothes?"

Wilde stared at him then glanced at his clothes. "What are you wearing?"

"These are funny objects called clothes." The man informed him, as if it was stupid to even ask.

Siobhan backed farther away. This was definitely _not _Harold Lowe. Not only was it obvious by his actions, but his accent sounded more like that of an American than a Welshman.

"You were supposed to be helping us restrain Mr. Lightoller and Mr. Murdoch!" Wilde told the man, exasperated.

The man rolled his eyes. "Look pal." He remarked, flatly. "I got a page that said to get my hind end to the bridge, and right away. It was a long drive, and I'm supposed to be there or I don't get _paid_! Are you gonna feed my dog? Are you gonna pay for my gas? You got thirty bucks on you?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I didn't think so. Now how's about you get out of my way?"

Wilde was now staring at the man in shock. "Who in heaven's name are you?"

The man sighed and glared. "Look man, I didn't sign on to be an Officer and work for you, 'kay?" He quickly took off the Officer's coat, revealing a tattoo of a cyclone on his left shoulder. "Here ya go. I quit." He finished, placing the hat on Wilde's head, and shaking his longish hair out. "Later!"

Siobhan Andrews and Henry Wilde stared after the man in complete shock. "Mr. Wilde, what is going on, and where is Mr. Lowe?" Siobhan asked, quietly.

Wilde sighed. "I don't know." He informed her, shaking his head. "Your Uncle, the Captain and all the other junior Officers have disappeared as well."

Siobhan bit her lip. "Is there anyone on the ship that can tell me how to find them?" She asked, sounding close to tears.

Wilde looked down. "Check the Boat Deck." He answered, slowly. "The group that came on board and got the Captain are spread out everywhere." He paused. "And there's a man on the bridge that looks like Captain Smith, who may know something more."

Back behind her, the group of children were currently discussing the new change of events.

"I didn't know you had a twin brother." Moody remarked, as they watched Siobhan walk off with Mr. Wilde.

"Shut up." Lowe grumbled, looking completely defeated. "She didn't even _know_ me."

"Don't feel so bad." Andrews told him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "She didn't know me either, and she _lives_ with me."

"Um, not to be the one to get smacked, but we may wanna follow her." Jack cut in. "What happened to us can happen to her just as easily."

Lowe's eyes widened. "Over my dead body." He snapped, jumping up and heading after her.

Andrews looked at the others for a second. "I'm going with Lowe." He replied, quietly. "Moody, take Rose and Jack to the lifeboat to wait for the Captain."

"Wait a sec!" Moody complained. "I want to go with you!"

Andrews shook his head. "You have to get Rose and Jack to the lifeboat first." He insisted. "Don't worry, we'll be fine."

Moody sighed and nodded. "Fine." He agreed. "But if you're not back in fifteen minutes, I'm coming after you."

"Agreed." Andrews replied, heading after Lowe.

Moody looked at the other two. "This way." He told them, motioning for them to follow.

**WARNING:** _**Author owns all the Police Academy movies.**_

Meanwhile, in rooms B 52,54,56, Amanda, and Riddick were standing in the sitting room, listening. Mr. Ismay was currently in the lavatory, obviously washing off the paint in the bath. (yes this IS Mr. Ismay's room, not Cal's—it was a mistake in the movie—Cal's suite was supposed to have been B 51, 53, 55)

"Oh yes." Amanda snickered. "This is gonna be good. Bring the Krazy Glue?"

"Yep." Riddick answered, holding it up. "Let's party."

**WARNING:**_** Beware psycho Storm Chasers behind the wheel of the ship. They are worse than Squiggle Worms and Flying Purple Monkeys that make the sky fall.**_

Out on the Boat Deck, Whiplash had already strolled past, headed for the bridge. He turned briefly as he saw the Officer covered in blue paint skate past with several people chasing after him. Not giving it a second thought, he continued on past.

Lightoller was in trouble. There seemed to be seamen and sailors coming from all over. He'd been cut off twice, and was currently looking for some means of escape. Fortunately, he himself was the only one who knew where the firearms were located, so the men chasing him were unarmed, but they were gaining too closely.

As he neared a corner, he suddenly ran into another group of men, mostly stewards, and realized with a sinking feeling that he could not stop in time, nor could he dodge these ones.

Before he'd even figured this out, the men had grabbed him, knocking him off his feet, and surrounding him.

"Sorry, Mr. Lightoller." A Steward told him apologetically. "We're under orders to restrain you and Mr. Murdoch until the Captain is found."

Lights grumbled as he struggled to get free of the group. He looked up past the group, spotting Mr. Wilde and Miss Andrews. Wilde gave a small smile when he noticed it was Lightoller the men were holding down.

"Lights!" Murdoch called from farther away. "Use the **gun**!"

Lightoller's head shot up. The water pistol! He'd forgotten he'd even had the thing. He could change at least a few of them. Struggling, he pulled the pistol out of his pocket.

The Stewards, spotting the gun, immediately tried to take it away, mistaking it for a real one. Lights, realizing he was not going to get a clean shot at all the men around him, decided there was only one thing he could do to escape. He caught Murdoch's look, turned the pistol on himself, and pulled the trigger.

Naturally, the Stewards and sailors, thinking the Officer was killing himself, let go of him. As they did, a five year old boy with blue eyes, covered in blue paint, rolled out of the group, dropping the pistol. He stood, quickly dusted himself off, and skated at break-neck speed down the Boat Deck. As he reached the gate of a stairway leading down to A-Deck, he grinned, jumped it, slid down the banister, landing with a triumphant cry, on his skates, and continued on out of sight.

Murdoch grinned and shook his head. Then he looked up to see that the men who had been holding down his partner in crime, were now heading his way. He gave them a wide smile, before he turned his own pistol on himself, changed, and leaped the rail, much like his fellow Officer had done.

After witnessing this scene, Siobhan's mouth dropped open as she remembered the boy covered in purple paint that had approached her earlier. Then a sick feeling came over her as she realized that her Uncle was also one of the children from earlier. "Oh no." She whispered, still in shock.

Wilde was also staring after the two senior Officers with a sudden realization. He was finally beginning to believe the rumors. "It's true." He remarked, quietly.

"What did I just see?" Quartermaster Rowe asked, as he came over to join Siobhan and Wilde.

"Does that mean that the Captain really _has_ been turned into a child?" One of the Stewards inquired, shaking his head.

"I have to find Harold." Siobhan spoke up quietly.

"You don't know he's like that as well." Wilde insisted, trying to reassure her. "He may just be somewhere else on the ship."

Siobhan shook her head. "No, I know he is." She informed him, with a regretful look. "I saw him earlier. He was standing right in front of me when that other man came by. He was dressed like Lightoller was, only he was full of purple paint instead of blue."

"_**Ladies and Gentlemen**_!_** This is your Fifth Officer/Quartermaster/Captain speaking**_!" A loud voice suddenly interrupted the conversation. The voice was being amplified by something and it was most definitely that of the man they had mistaken for Mr. Lowe earlier. "_**Just to reassure you that there is in fact someone up here behind the wheel**_!" It continued.

Siobhan and Wilde exchanged a panicked look. What was this imposter doing?

"_**Now that I have your full attention, let's KICK THIS PUPPY INTO HYPER-DRIVE**_!" The man yelled, gleefully. "_**LIGHT ME, PYRO**_!"

This was followed by a tremendous burst of steam from the funnels, as the ship took on an instant speed change.

"What the-" Wilde managed to get out before the entire ship lurched to the port side, nearly knocking anyone out on the deck over.

"Wait a sec!" An outraged voice yelled. "Who the heck let **Whiplash** drive the ship?"

Siobhan and Wilde turned to see two people, who looked to be brother and sister, grabbing onto the railing to keep balance.

"Well, I was trying to tell you!" The woman remarked, pointedly. "Cassi said Steve could drive for a while. He was looking forward to it!"

"Great, he totals two chase vehicles, flipping one over and now they let him add an _**Ocean liner **_to the mix." The man muttered.

"Actually, he's totaled three chase vehicles." The woman corrected. "He got another one last week." She rolled her eyes, as they made their way to the bridge. "Besides, it's not like anyone would notice, one of _them_ is going to total the ship tomorrow _any_way!"

"Look **out**!" A loud voice yelled across the Deck. One of the short fuzzy-footed men had lost control of his skates, and was sliding directly toward Siobhan and Wilde.

Wilde, seeing that a collision was inevitable, jumped in front of the girl as the man slammed into them in a splash of water that resulted from the smashed water pistol he was carrying.

"**No**!" Came a smaller shout as two children ran out to stop it, but arrived too late to prevent the three children that now lay on the deck where the collision had happened.

"Oops." The now much smaller one with the fuzzy feet managed to get out.

This was followed by a loud burst of laughter that came from the other one with the fuzzy feet that had gotten rid of his skates when the ship had first lurched. "Nice goin', Pip!" He crowed.

"Ow." Siobhan murmured, as she sat up, then looked down at herself.

Beside her, Wilde was also in the same fix, and trying to clear his head.

Standing next to them, frantically holding onto the railing to keep from falling over, were the two children that had run out after them. Siobhan sighed with relief, as she noticed the purple paint that still covered Lowe. "I'm sorry." She told him, accepting his hand as he and her Uncle pulled her to her feet.

"Are you alright?" Andrews asked, lending a hand to Officer Wilde.

"I really _hate_ this ship now." Wilde muttered, bluntly. "No offense to you of course, but this has been the worst day in history at sea."

"Sorry I didn't meet you earlier." Lowe remarked to Siobhan. "But as you can see, it got a bit complicated around here today."

She looked at him, then down at herself. "Yes, I can see that." She told him, honestly. "So now what do we do?"

**WARNING:**_**People getting violently ill ahead. You have been warned.**_

End Chapter Six. (grins)

_In reference to Imhotep's not wanting to go on the ship: If you've studied some of the stranger stories involving the Titanic, you may have heard this one. I found it in a ghost stories book under the chapter on "Curses". In one of the Titanic's cargo-holds, or possibly the mail-hold is a box containing the mummified remains of the Princess from Amun Ra. She was head of Ancient Egypt's "Cult of the Dead," that performed human sacrifices on the banks of the Nile. (also called "The Princess of Death") She had a huge curse on her that whomever disturbed her grave or came near her after would meet great misfortune or death. One photographer had even dropped dead taking a picture. Finally, after all the owners of the sarcophagus either lost everything or died including the guy in charge of the exhibit of her at the museum in London, it was agreed to ship the Princess to a museum in New York under secrecy. So she was loaded on board the Titanic. Kind of makes you wonder, huh? Not even the crew knew of the sarcophagus being in the hold, nor did the museum in New York know anything of the curse on her. Mainly it was some freaked out Englishmen desperate to get rid of her so they decided 'what the heck, we'll sell her to the Americans.' It never said how the people who put her on that ship reacted when they discovered the news of the Titanic's sinking, but I think it's safe to say they never mentioned it at the time._

This is why Imhotep will not board the ship, and it will not be mentioned until the spoof itself, so not even Glory and Imhotep know what is aboard the ship.

Um, by the way, Imhotep married Glory in my spoof "_James of the Jungle_." for those confused. She's the hell-god from Buffy's Season 5. Let's just say they hit it off well, and the "Egyptian skank" who broke his heart has been completely forgotten.

(Steve's tattoo is on his upper left arm. It's a tornado with the words _Hesston, KS _above it an 'F' and a '5' on either side of it, and the date; _March 13, 1990 _below it. For those who don't know Hesston, KS was leveled by an F5 tornado about a mile wide on that date and Steve and his friend, Jason Caulder, both lived through it, though they lost their homes. They were both in 9th grade at the time and this is why Steve would later become a tornado chaser—and they both have the same tattoo)


	8. Attack Of Bobby the Evil Bunny!

**WARNING:**** Beware shipbuilders that have been around us for way too long.**

**WARNING:**** Beware of Bobby the Evil Bunny.**

**WARNING:**** Beware of five year old Officers on rollerblades...esp. if they have problems with the breaks.**

**CHAPTER SEVEN **_**"ATTACK OF BOBBY THE EVIL BUNNY"**_

Down on A Deck, the ship's heavy lurch to port had created a small emergency. On the Promenade, just outside of the glassed in area, a small blue eyed five year old boy had once again lost control of his skates and smacked into one of the passengers, knocking the woman overboard.

Surprisingly enough, before she'd hit the water, she had been caught by someone who looked shockingly like some kind of blue demon. Upon sighting him, several of the female passengers had fainted, and one Caledon Hockley had snatched up the small boy in a rage.

"What on earth did you think you were doing?" He demanded, shaking the child.

The blue demon quickly set the unconscious woman on a deck chair and stalked over to the angry man. "Put him down!" It ordered, with a thick German accent. "Zhe boy had nozhing to do vith it!" He paused, eyeing the child. "Besides, zhat's zhe Second Officer you're holding."

Cal stared at the blue demon as if it were insane. "What are you and what are you _talking_ about?" He growled.

"Kurt Vagner." The blue thing responded. "You can call me Pharaoh Nightcrawler zhe First! Everybody else does."

Cal blinked, then turned to look at the child that was now glaring at him defiantly. "Just for that, I won't let you in a lifeboat when we sink." The kid retorted, flatly.

"This ship is **not** sinking!" Cal argued. "And what makes you think it is?"

The boy shrugged. "Someone painted it on the wall in the Officer's Mess." He responded, matter-of-factly. Honestly, he didn't particularly believe it, but the threat sounded good.

Cal stared at the child again. "And you actually expect me to believe _this_ is the Second Officer?" He spat out. "Rubbish!"

"Actually, he's not lying." Another boy spoke up from the deck. This one was still wearing his First Officer's uniform coat, despite being covered in red paint. "That's Mr. Lightoller."

The boy he was holding looked up at him and stuck his tongue out. "Told you so!" He snapped, giving Cal a swift kick where it counted the most.

Cal doubled over as the boy's skate hit him hard. Dropping to the deck, he let go of the kid.

The two boys in question skated off before anyone could recover from what they'd just witnessed.

"Someone catch that little **brat**!" Cal managed to yell, in between groans of pain.

Once they were around the corner, Murdoch and Lights quickly dove under a bench, watching as several stewards ran by, looking for them.

"I don't believe you just did that." Murdoch whispered to his shipmate.

Lights covered his mouth to suppress the urge to laugh out loud. "**You** don't believe it?" He smirked, keeping his voice down. "**I'm** still trying to believe I actually did it."

"I guess his fiancée won't have to worry about any children." Murdoch snarked, causing both of them to break into fits of laughter.

"Honestly, I never really liked that man anyway." Lightoller confessed. "And I seriously pity that fiancée of his."

Murdoch shook his head. "So do I." He replied, shaking his head. "Did you see the sign Andrews pulled off him?"

Lightoller nodded. "Do you suppose he truly beats her?"

"Hard to say." Answered Murdoch, scratching his chin. "He seems like the type that would, but we've heard no complaints." He paused. "However, that doesn't really mean anything."

"True." Lights responded, still quietly. "Do you think they've gone?"

"Looks like it." Murdoch whispered. "Do you still have the gun?"

Lights shook his head. "I dropped it." He muttered, looking disappointed. "And it probably went overboard when the ship lurched."

Murdoch frowned. "Who on earth do you suppose that was driving the ship?"

"Sounded like Mr. Lowe." Lights told him, with a confused frown. "But Mr. Lowe was changed into a child." He frown deepened. "Wait, there was some bloke that passed right by me, dressed like those other people. I didn't get a good look, because there were a bunch of men chasing me, but now that you mention it, he _looked_ a lot like Mr. Lowe."

"Like that Theodin man looks like the Captain?" Murdoch pointed out.

"Exactly." Lightoller replied, looking out to see if there was anyone around. "They've gone. Let's go."

The two Officers turned children quietly crawled out from under the bench and looked both ways before heading inside. Neither knew what to do next, but both had figured that it would be easier to lose anyone who would come after them if they were in the hallways of the ship.

* * *

Up on the Boat Deck, another bunch of children were also going through a small problem. Two Quartermasters and a whole load of Stewards and Sailors were currently standing over the children, trying to figure out who was who, and what to do with them. Not to mention that there were several who had not witnessed the transformations that really didn't believe a word of it. Quartermaster Hitchens was one of those.

The only thing that Quartermaster Hitchens saw was that Chief Officer Wilde had disappeared like the Captain, and that left the ship's authority position severely crippled.

On the deck, as the group of kids backed away from the adults, Wilde was actually beginning to regret the fact that he had taken off his Uniform coat.

"This does not look well." Andrews murmured under his breath.

"You think?" Lowe retorted behind him.

"They **saw** it happen!" Wilde argued. "What are they doing?"

"Looks like a mutiny." Pippin commented, also backing up.

"Are there any adult Officers left?" Siobhan asked, pointedly.

Wilde shook his head. "We haven't seen Pitman in about an hour, and all the others with the exception of Lights and Murdoch were already missing." He answered, quietly.

"And Lights and Murdoch just changed themselves." Andrews put in.

"Here's a thought." The one who had introduced himself as Merry spoke up. "How's about we run?"

"Sounds like a good idea." Lowe replied, grabbing hold of Siobhan's hand. "Come on."

"They're all around us." Wilde muttered, quietly. "How?"

Andrews gave a mischievous look. "When they look away, we split up and meet back at Lifeboat 14." He ordered, so only those in the group could hear it.

"When they _look away_?" Wilde spat out, still quietly.

"Siobhan dear, do me a favor and scream like you're horrified of something." Andrews went on. "_Now_!"

On cue, the girl let out a horrified scream that made Lowe groan in pain as he covered his ears.

"**Look out**!" Andrews yelled, sounding terrified. "**IT'S BOBBY THE EVIL **_**BUNNY**_!"

As he said this, he elbowed Wilde and Lowe, who both screamed and pointed behind the men.

Naturally, they all turned to see what had scared the children out of their wits, and naturally, as they turned, the children scattered, running for all they were worth. The two Hobbits ran one way, Andrews and Wilde ran another, and Siobhan and Lowe ran another. By the time the men had figured out what happened, the children had vanished.

Hitchens shook his head, disgusted that they had all fallen for what was obviously a big hoax. "Find them." He ordered, quietly.

Rowe stared at him. "That was the Chief Officer." He informed Hitchens, flatly. "What are we supposed to do with them?"

"We restrain them until we can figure out how to _fix_ it!" Hitchens snapped. "This ship cannot be run by children."

"What about the men on the bridge?" One Steward asked, pointedly.

Hitchens shook his head. "They can't fight all of us off." He told them. "We get the bridge back, and restrain any of those children you see."

"Who died and left **you** in charge?" A voice demanded, behind them.

The group turned and stared at the two men standing on the deck. Both sported sets of dangerous-looking metal claws, and identical glares.

"Who in blazes are **you**?" Hitchens demanded.

Freddy gave a sadistic grin, and shifted to his burned look. "Your worst nightmare." He grumbled.

Logan grinned. "And they don't have any weapons either." He sneered.

**WARNING:**** Beware of Compys who talk too vividly of their last meal.**

Meanwhile, down on B Deck, Siobhan and Lowe had stopped running and ducked behind a door. Both slid down to the floor, panting.

Siobhan was the first to regain her voice. "Bobby the Evil _Bunny_?" She remarked, between gasps for breath. "What have you people done to my uncle?"

"**I** didn't do anything to him." Lowe managed to answer. "He was like this before I was!"

"So who did this?" She asked, eyeing the paint all over him.

"As far as I know, there were two women with weird colors of hair that sort of appeared on the ship." He informed her.

"How weird is weird?" Siobhan pressed.

Lowe shrugged. "One with black and white, one with purple."

Siobhan blinked. "Different." She murmured. "So what happened to _you_?"

He looked down at his attire with a sheepish look. "I was chasing Mr. Lightoller, when I passed by these two women." He explained. "One hit me with the paint, and the other hit me with whatever this water was that was in that pistol."

"What about the other Officers?" She went on.

Lowe sighed and shook his head. "Moody was already like this when I went on duty." He told her. "When they got me, he pulled me around the corner. They'd already got Captain Smith, your Uncle, and Boxhall."

"Exciting morning." Siobhan mused, thoughtfully. "Maybe I shouldn't sleep in again."

"Actually, you're fortunate not to have seen what happened in the Verandah Cafe." Lowe retorted, making a face.

"Tell me there isn't really rat parts all over the place." She pleaded, staring at him.

Lowe considered it. "Well, I could, but I don't normally enjoy lying." He informed her. "Moody and I saw it while it was happening. Trust me, you _don't_ want to know. I think there were a few of the Passengers that actually got sick."

"Ew." She responded. "That bad then?"

He nodded. "Let's just say these women have the strangest form of security I've ever seen."

"I'm probably going to regret asking this, but how strange is strange?" Siobhan asked, curiously.

"Baby, you ain't seen _nothin' _yet." A small lizard-like creature suddenly spoke up in front of them.

Startled, both children jumped a good foot in the air. "What is _**that**_?" Siobhan cried, jumping away from it.

The creature looked offended. "I'm a _Compy_, not a 'that'." He snapped. "I'm Timmy. I work with Spoof Security."

"That's what I'm talking about." Lowe remarked, pointedly. "Only the ones that were killing the rats were a bit larger and had bigger teeth."

Timmy's head perked up. "Did you say **rats**?" He questioned, eagerly. "Where? I haven't eaten all _day_!"

Lowe blinked. "Well, actually your big brothers sort of killed them all." He informed the Compy.

Timmy frowned. "I don't have any big brothers." He remarked, swishing his tail. "There are no Compys bigger than me!"

"These were about six feet tall, with bigger teeth." Lowe went on.

"Oh, you mean the Raptor Squad!" Timmy cried, understanding. "They're Velociraptors, not Compys. They prefer to eat people, not rats."

Siobhan stared in horror. "They eat **people**?"

Timmy nodded. "All the time. Mostly clones though." He replied, as if they were discussing the weather. "But Cassi and Sven said they can't eat people here unless they say it's okay."

"Who?" Lowe asked.

"Cassi and Sven." Timmy repeated. "They're the ones with the funny hair. Then there's Amanda and Becca."

Siobhan and Lowe exchanged a glance. "Do you know where Cassi and Sven are?" Lowe asked, quietly.

Timmy shrugged. "No." He answered, honestly. "They can be anywhere. Where's the rats? If the Raptor Squad was jumping on them, there's plenty to eat."

"And how did you know they were _jumping_ on them?" Lowe asked, while Siobhan gave him a very weird look.

Timmy rolled his eyes. "Because they did the same thing in Castle Roogna." He informed them, matter-of-factly. "The rest of the Compys _still_ haven't finished cleaning the mess up." (Spoof of Chameleon-chap 12)

"They were _jumping _on them?" Siobhan asked Lowe, looking disgusted.

Timmy grinned. "Yeah, it's really _neato_ to watch!" He crowed, remembering. "They all go, '**squeeeeeeak, **_**SPLAT**_!' Then there's pieces _every_where!"

"I think I'm going to be sick." Siobhan muttered, under her breath, noticing Lowe was currently covering his own mouth, and looking a bit green, as he remembered vividly watching it.

"So where's the rats?" Timmy repeated, impatiently.

"Verandah Cafe." Siobhan managed to answer in a strained voice. "That way."

"_**Yippeeeeeee**_!" The Compy yelled loudly. "_**LUNCHTIIIIIIIME BOYS**_!"

The two humans stared at each other as an entire herd of Compys ran out the door, screaming various eager shouts of having lunch. As soon as the reptiles were gone, they exchanged panicked looks, and both jumped up, running for the nearest lavatories.

**WARNING:**** Always check the lavatories before you throw up in them. You never know when there may be cameras in them. (grin)**

"It's been twenty minutes." Moody spoke up quietly. "I'm going after them." He had gotten Jack and Rose back to the lifeboat with no troubles at all. After waiting about five minutes, Captain Smith and Boxhall had returned with Pitman, who had carefully removed his hat and coat, but was still full of green paint down the front of his shirt.

"They said they were going after Miss Andrews." Smith remarked, thoughtfully. "Did they say where they were going?"

"I think they just followed her." Moody answered, shaking his head. "They said I could come after them after fifteen minutes if they weren't back."

"Something happened." Rose cut in. "It must have."

"Let's not jump to conclusions yet." Boxhall interrupted. "EJ and I had to follow Pitman for a ways before we could get him. Maybe it's just taking a little longer than they thought."

"I don't know." Jack put in. "There was also that guy on the bridge, and that huge jerk of the ship."

"Exactly my point." Moody insisted. "We have to go find out what happened."

"Alright." Smith finally replied, with a nod. "You and Boxhall-" He trailed off as the cover was lifted and Andrews climbed in, pulling Wilde with him.

Moody frowned. "Where's Harry?" He asked, as the two leaned back, panting.

Andrews shook his head. "He and Siobhan ran another direction." He told them. "The crew seems to have decided that now that all the Officers are out of commission, it was time to pull a mutiny."

"**All** the Officers?" Boxhall repeated, staring. "Even Murdoch and Lightoller?"

Wilde nodded. "Murdoch and Lightoller changed themselves to get away from the crew." He answered, massaging his temples.

"I take it that's not good." Jack remarked, leaning on his elbow.

"No, it isn't." Andrews informed them, shaking his head. "The crew is looking for us. They want us restrained until they can figure out how to fix it."

"But we already_ know_ how to fix it." Moody pointed out.

Andrews frowned. "We do?"

"Okay, what did someone forget to mention?" Jack demanded, looking at Rose.

Moody rolled his eyes. "You have to get shot with the pistol a second time to reverse the change." He replied, sighing. "Unfortunately, getting a hold of one of the pistols is easier said than done."

"Um, I didn't get shot with a pistol." Rose stated, looking guilty. "Remember? That one boy with the tattoos on his face changed me."

Jack turned and gave her a funny look. "Who?" He asked, grabbing her by the arm. "And why?"

Andrews sighed and pushed Jack away from her. "She asked him to." He told him. "And honestly, I don't know why, but I'm not going to ask, either. Whatever reason she did it, is her own."

"Thank you." Rose replied, giving him a small smile. "I just sort of wanted to be in on the fun."

"Fun?" Wilde spat out. "This really isn't very fun. The entire crew wants to lock us up, there's a madman steering the ship, and now everyone keeps saying it's going to sink."

"You were never a sunny child, were you?" Jack remarked, flatly.

"Yes, well you didn't get nailed to a wall, with spit-covered wads of paper being shot at you." Wilde snapped, with a glare.

"Not to mention shot." Boxhall added.

Wilde stared at him. "What on earth are you talking about?" He asked, as if the man had just suggested the world was flat.

"They shot you." Smith reminded him. "Don't you remember?"

"I don't remember being shot." Wilde replied, shaking his head. "I just remember getting things thrown at me."

Boxhall leaned forward, and pointed at a small hole in Wilde's shirt. "That's a bullet hole." He informed the Officer. "And there's another one in the back."

Wilde's mouth dropped open as he stared at the hole in his shirt. "That's impossible." He said, quietly.

"There was a man who mentioned that he had to convince a group of people that you didn't get shot, and that some biker or something didn't bring you back snapping his fingers." Andrews spoke up, frowning. "And the one Carter, said that they killed people like that all the time, but brought them back."

"Okay, now that's strange." Jack remarked, shaking his head.

"Not to state the obvious, but this _has_ been a very strange day." Moody put in. "Speaking of strange, what direction did you say Harry went? I would have thought he'd be back by now."

"We are." Siobhan spoke up, as Lowe helped her climb into the boat, before he followed, putting the cover back in place.

"Are you alright?" Moody asked, as the pair sat down. "You don't look very well."

This was an understatement, the others could see. Both looked rather pale, and had a slightly greenish look on their faces.

"Trust me." Lowe stated, shaking his head. "You don't want to know."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Captain's state-room, Cassi and Sven sat with their feet up, watching a television set. It was actually monitoring all the cameras that had been placed around the ship, the lifeboat included.

The lifeboat camera had been placed as soon as the Officers had exited, looking for their fellow Officers. The others were basically positioned all over the place, lavatories included. (what? We have cameras in our own bathrooms on our spoofset, what makes the _Titanic_ so special?)

"That was beautiful." Cassi commented, with a snicker.

"I think Lowe and his girlfriend are needing some vomit pills." Sven added.

Cassi grinned. "I don't know. Nothing so far tops what Lights did." She remarked, laughing. "Cal's gonna be singing soprano for a while."

"Oh yes." Sven smirked, as both broke into fits of laughter. "This is kind of fun. We should hijack Ocean Liners more often."

"How goes everything?" Theodin asked, walking into the room to look at the monitors.

"The Compys went to eat the rat splats, and made Lowe sick. . . .and his girlfriend." Cassi announced.

"And Lights kicked Cal in the nuts with his skates on." Sven added. "How've you been?"

"Whiplash is sitting in a lounge-chair, with one foot on the wheel, a walkman on, and playing some beeping game." Theodin informed them.

Cassi shrugged. "Yeah, that sounds like Whiplash."

"And Romano's sister is in a chair next to his, with another beeping game, and I believe they're trying to beat each other's high score or something." Theodin went on.

Sven frowned. "So where's Rob?"

"Right here." Romano cut in, taking a seat on the couch. "Can you see Lizzie on those monitors?"

Cassi picked up the remote and went flipping through the monitors. "She's back on the _Pearl_." She answered, as she found the right screen.

Romano nodded. "Yeah, she mentioned she was getting a little sick from the jerking around." He replied, swallowing a couple headache pills. "But at least, that madman has stopped jerking the entire ship all over."

"Who stopped him?" Sven wanted to know.

"Captain Sparrow." Romano answered, with a shrug. "Something about the _Pearl_ not doing very well strapped to a ship that's weaving all over the place like some drunk man's driving it."

"Well, the Passengers and crew will appreciate not jerking." Cassi remarked, switching screens again. "We had one fall overboard, and there was Pippin, who slipped on his skates and changed himself, Wilde and Andrews' niece when his gun broke."

"That would figure." Theodin put in, laughing. "I'll bet Merry had a big laugh over that one."

"Definitely." Sven answered. "But he's already fixed himself."

"Lights lost his gun." Cassi continued. "But I think Murdoch still has his. Is there anyone else we were planning on being five?"

"Fabri, Tommy, and anyone else with us that wants to be a kid." Sven answered, not looking up from the screen, where they were now watching the kids in the lifeboat.

"And the fun just keeps coming." Romano commented, with a snicker. "What was Amanda doing again?"


	9. Pizza Huts and Purple Mohawks!

**CHAPTER EIGHT **_**"PIZZA HUTS AND PURPLE MOHAWKS"**_

In Bruce Ismay's stateroom, the annoying man had been knocked out when the ship had lurched to the port side, just after he'd gotten out of the bath, making it **so** much easier for Amanda and Riddick to have a little fun.

"Is he dressed?" Amanda asked, making a face, while letting Riddick look first.

"He has a bathrobe on." Riddick informed her. "He's out like a light. Hand me that electric razor."

Amanda passed him the razor, as she stepped into the lavatory. "Ew, rich people decor." She muttered under her breath. "Where's the Krazy Glue? We can glue something to the back of his robe or something."

Riddick looked up from where he'd just shaved the word, 'idiot' on the back of the man's head. "Go ahead." He remarked, with a snicker. "I'd say spray his hair another color, but then he may notice it before he can leave the room."

"At least shave off his eyebrows." Amanda suggested. "He can't do anything about that."

Riddick laughed and shook his head. "You want me to shave his legs too?" He retorted, slyly.

"Hmmm, yeah sure go ahead." Replied Amanda, handing him a tube of toothpaste. "While you're at it, stick this in his shoes."

"Boy, this guy is gonna get a few stares when he finally comes out of his room." Riddick mused, turning off the shaver. "Anything else?"

Amanda stood back, surveying the artwork. "Nah, I think that'll do nicely. Let's go see if they have any decent places to eat here."

"Good idea." Riddick agreed. "I'm starving."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Captain's Quarters, boredom was setting in . . . as well as starvation. [So we exaggerate a lot] Cassi was laying back on one of the couches, with her feet on the arm. She had just finished spraying her hair blue. "Is there anything to do around here?" She remarked, studying the now black, blue, and white hair in a mirror.

Sven shrugged. "I was wondering if there was anything to eat around here." She put in. "I could use something solid."

"You mean is there any eating places that the Raptor Squad _hasn't_ sprayed in rat entrails?" Romano corrected.

"Well yeah, that's a given." Replied Cassi, with a yawn. "Do you think any of the animals on this ship have any fleas?"

"They're all First Class." Sven reminded her. "Somehow, I think you'll have to find something else to do." [yes, Cassi picks fleas off the animals when she's really bored]

Cassi made a face. "Figures." She muttered. "So what about eating places?"

"Do I look like I've been here before?" Romano asked, pointedly.

"See if you can get someone to round us up a volunteer who knows this ship." Sven told Romano, switching the camera monitors.

"Right." Romano complied, shaking his head, and picking up a com unit. "Is anyone around someone who knows the ship?" He asked. "Okay, let me rephrase that. Is there any **Officers** still wearing their coms?"

"Slightly busy now, can't talk!" Murdoch's child-like voice came over the com.

"Hey, I **will not be ignored**!" Romano shouted into the com in his usual 'I am your almighty ruler and master' voice.

"Tell that to all the stewards chasing us!" Lights' voice remarked back.

"Easy as pie." Sven spoke into the com. "Where are you?"

"C-Deck, Dining Hall!" Murdoch called back.

"Got it." Sven informed him. "Security to the C-Deck Dining Hall. Restrain only, no eating."

"We're on it!" Frankie's voice cut in on the line.

"Ask if there's any places to eat now." Cassi persisted.

In the Dining Hall, Murdoch and Lightoller were staring at the amount of Raptors that had suddenly come flooding into the room, stopping the stewards in their tracks.

"How many of those did they _bring_?" Lights whispered to Murdoch.

"All of us." Bridget spoke up behind them, causing both boys to jump. "Nobody wanted to stay home.

Lights nodded, mentally reminding himself to stop asking questions.

"Sven and Cassi wanna know if there's any eating places we didn't smear with rat entrails." Steve spoke up, stepping over to the kids.

The two Officers exchanged a glance and looked back up at the Raptors. "That depends." Murdoch answered, honestly. "Where have you smeared it with rat entrails?"

"So we know not to go in there." Lights added, quietly.

Bridget shrugged. "I don't know. Some cafe." She told them.

"Well, there's a French restaurant up there." Murdoch suggested.

"Ew, I'd rather have what the raptors had." Cassi retorted over the com.

"Are you sure you don't have a Pizza Hut or something?" Sven asked.

"A _**what**_?" Lightoller spat out. "I don't even know what that _is_, much less think we have one!"

There was a short pause, then Sven's voice came back over the line. "You do now." She informed them. "We just made one out of the Crew's Mess Hall."

Murdoch groaned. "Of all the places you had to use, why _that_ one?" He asked, sounding a bit whiney. "Now where are **we** supposed to eat?"

"Hey, try it before you complain!" Sven shot back, sounding offended. "It can't be any worse than some of that gross stuff Lights has eaten."

"Speaking of which, I was going to ask about that fishing with penguin entrails." Romano snarked over the com. [grin-this was in his book too]

Lightoller covered his face with a hand and groaned, while Murdoch burst out laughing. "Well, you have to admit, they have a point." He snickered to his shipmate, who was still groaning.

* * *

Out on the Boat Deck, there was a slightly different situation developing. Freddy and Logan had tied Quartermaster Hitchens to a pole and were discussing interesting forms of abuse.

After Danger Zone had decided that the new Pizza Hut was the next place to hang out, Becca, Silver, Mid, and Emmy had decided to join Freddy and Logan. Tommy and Fabri had also opted for the food in place of the torture.

"Can we give him a haircut?" Silver asked Freddy and Logan.

Freddy eyed the man tied up. "Yeah sure."

Silver grinned. "Oooh, boy." She mused, gleefully, while holding an electric razor.

Becca walked over to look at the man. "I see. . . .a mohawk!" She decided, poking him a few times.

"Ooh, yes!" Emmy agreed.

"A neon purple glow in the dark one!" Mid exclaimed, bouncing gleefully.

Logan and Freddy exchanged a glance. This was going to be fun.

"'Scuse me!" Timmy Compy cut in, bouncing up to Logan. "Did we bring the paint-ball guns? Some kids wanna know what else we have to shoot at people."

"Check the bridge." Logan remarked, not looking up.

"Thanks." Timmy cried, bouncing back around the corner where two kids stood, covered in green and purple paint. "Logan said to check the bridge." He told them. "They look like ordinary guns, but they shoot paint."

"Got it." The one full of purple paint answered, shaking the Compy's hand. "Thanks, Timmy!"

"Any time, kid." Timmy replied, waving. "And thanks for pointing out the **grub**!"

The boys waved again, and disappeared around the corner, trying not to notice Becca, Emmy, Mid and Silver dancing around the pole that Hitchens was tied to, waving little dolls dressed like the Quartermaster, with the exception that the dolls had neon purple mohawks.

"Do we want to know what was going on there?" Pitman asked as the two made their way toward the bridge.

Lowe shook his head. "I think it's safer if we don't ask, and stay as far away as possible." He advised.

"So where did you come across that thing?" Pitman asked, curiously.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Lowe answered, with a cringe at the memory of his last meeting with the Compy.

Pitman shrugged. "Actually, by now, it may not surprise me." He retorted. "How many people were supposed to be on the bridge anyway?"

"By now?" Lowe remarked, sighing. "I'm not even sure. That one that looks like me is supposed to be behind the wheel, and that bloke that looks like the Captain is also supposed to be there."

"I guess we figure it out when we get-" He trailed off as they heard voices getting closer. "Duck!" He whispered, pulling Lowe behind a door with him.

As the two Officers crouched behind the door, the voices got louder, and it became obvious that it was two of those creatures Timmy had called 'Raptor Squad.' One male and the other female.

"That little boy Murdoch said that there was a French restaurant up here, as well as a few other different kinds of places." The female spoke up, excitedly. "Do you think they serve fresh French people?"

"I doubt it." The male one answered, sounding disappointed. "But we can always ask Dr. Lecter to cook the dinner. He makes a _wonderful_ intestine and meatballs dish. That was _so _good at the Prancing Pony!" He went on, happily. "Then it doesn't matter _which_ place we go to!"

Before the Raptor was even finished making the suggestion, Lowe had clamped a hand over his mouth, and was turning mildly greenish. It had been too soon after Timmy's describing the rats, and then there was actually witnessing the rats. . . .

The second the Raptors were out of earshot, the Fifth Officer jumped up and ran for the Officer's Lavatories, which, -thankfully- were right around the corner. Pitman stared after him, looking confused. Sure, he thought the suggestion was rather repulsive, but he had not witnessed the other Raptor parties.

A few minutes later, when Lowe exited the lavatory, he was met with Pitman, who still looked confused, and rather concerned. "Are you alright?" He asked under his breath, not knowing if there was anyone nearby.

Lowe nodded, not wanting to speak right away, and motioned that they should head on up to the bridge.

"I didn't know you were one for the weak stomach." Pitman remarked as they got closer to the bridge.

Lowe shook his head. "I'm not." He defended. "But you didn't hear and see what I saw earlier."

Pitman nodded, and decided not to press the subject anymore.

As the pint-sized, paint-covered Officers reached the bridge, they were met with the strangest of sights. Two people laying back in lounge chairs, with their feet resting on the wheel. Neither of them were watching where the ship was going, but instead, were obsessed with a couple of small plastic objects they held in their hands, that were making the most annoying of beeping noises. One was the man that had resembled Lowe, while the other was a red-headed woman, who was wearing tight-fitting pants that were shredded in several places.

The man, Theodin, was nowhere to be seen, nor were the two women with the strange colors of hair. The two children exchanged a glance, and started to look around the bridge for the weapons described by Timmy Compy.

After a few minutes, neither had found anything, save a lot of what looked like blue covered paint on the arm of one couch. Lowe frowned, considering it, then motioned to Pitman that they should check the Captain's Quarters, as this would be a likely place for something to be.

Pitman nodded, and followed him in, both of them hoping it would be like the bridge, with nobody paying attention.

What they found upon entering the Captain's sitting room, was a sight that rendered both of them speechless. Around the room were several screens where various parts of the ship could be seen.

"Is that the _lavatories_?" Pitman asked, with a gasp, then he made a face. "Ugh, that's not right."

Lowe's face paled noticeably, when he recognized the lavatories he and Siobhan had been in earlier. "I think I'm getting sick again." He murmured under his breath.

"Right then, I think we better go now." Pitman suggested. "We were looking for weapons."

Lowe motioned for Pitman to go ahead and look for the weapons, while he remained looking at the screens that were constantly switching to many different areas around the ship. "Oh look, I found Lightoller and Murdoch." He remarked, absently. "And Cassi and Sven." He paused. "What on earth have they done to the Crew's Mess?"

"They cleaned it." A voice spoke up behind them, with a smirk. "Sorry, that one was too much to resist."

The two jumped and turned to see the redheaded woman from the bridge.

"I'm Teri." She informed them. "What are you looking for?"

The Officers slowly backed away. "Paint guns?" Pitman asked, quietly.

"Oh right." Teri replied, with a grin. "Over here." She walked over and pulled a duffle bag out from behind the couch. "I think there's about eight or nine in there. Is that enough?"

Lowe blinked, staring at her. "That sounds about right." He answered, still surprised.

"Well let me know if you need anything else." Teri told him, handing him the bag. "I'm going back to my game." With this, she left the room, with the two children still staring after her.

"Did that just happen or am I going mad?" Pitman asked, quietly.

Lowe gave a shrug. "Both, by now." He remarked, handing the other Officer a few of the guns to lighten the bag. "We better go."

Pitman suddenly stopped him, and pointed at a screen. "Harry, that's the lifeboat we're using." He stated, staring.

* * *

On B-Deck, a strange sight had just exited his rooms. Although Ismay did not know it, the word, 'Idiot' was shaven in the back of his head, and each letter was another color. When he'd come to, he'd thrown on the first clothes he could grab, and headed to the bridge to give the new Captain a piece of his mind. He was _not_ going to have the ship being jerked in different directions.

As he stalked closer to the bridge, he heard a loud muffled choking behind him and turned to see two children, a boy and a girl. Both had their hands covering their mouths, and were red, from suppressed laughter.

Frowning, but remembering the first sign, he instantly took off his coat to find the back of his coat was covered in the painted words, "First Class", and an arrow pointing up. He rolled his eyes and chucked the coat back into his room, before heading on up to the bridge, triumphant that he'd caught the new trick before it could cause any more trouble.

As they watched Mr. Ismay walk off, Andrews, still covering his mouth with one hand, and pulling his niece with the other, moved around the corner and out of earshot, before both of them collapsed into fits of laughter, with tears streaking their faces.

"Who in heaven's name do you think did that?" Siobhan gasped between fits of laughter.

Andrews, unable to talk, shook his head. His sides were beginning to hurt, but this was probably the most enjoyable time he'd ever had on that ship at all. It certainly was taking the daily ritual off the First Class section.

"I wonder if anyone will tell him about that on his head." Siobhan went on, causing her Uncle to laugh harder.

"Someone stuck a sign on him earlier." Andrews informed her when he had calmed enough to gasp a reply. "Then Lights and Murdoch dumped a balloon of pink paint on him."

She started laughing again. "Yes, but that-" She broke off, still laughing.

Andrews shook his head. "I have no idea who that was." He informed her. "But the only way they'd have gotten away with it is to have done it while he was asleep. . ." He paused. "Or knocked out when the ship lurched."

Siobhan shrugged. "Unless they knocked him out."


	10. Lady and the Tramp meets Nick and Sara

**WARNING:**_** Hannibal Lecter in the kitchen = weird food combos.**_

**WARNING:**_** Never eat with any of us if you can't take the dinner conversation. We're the ones who ate dinner while our sister told us how to correctly geld a horse.**_

**CHAPTER NINE: **_**"LADY AND THE TRAMP MEETS NICK AND SARA"**_

"So what did you do to him?" Murdoch asked Amanda and Riddick over a tray of pizza. The Officers, despite what they'd originally thought, had decided pizza was not a bad meal. Definitely an improvement over some of the things that had been served there before.

Amanda grinned. "Gave him a haircut." She announced, innocently.

"And a few new colors." Riddick added with a snicker.

Lights and Murdoch exchanged a glance. "Something tells me we're going to want to see this one." Lights remarked, with a smirk.

"You may want to." Amanda told them, still looking innocent.

Cassi sighed, pushing the plate away. "I'll regret it later." She spoke up, swallowing two 'Vitamin V' (vomit pills) "Bad greasy, but much better than that First Class yuck they have up there."

"Probably best that way." Sven agreed. "I believe Nick and Sara went up to the French place or some other nice place up there and asked if Dr. Lecter might do the cooking."

"Anyone having flashbacks of the Prancing Pony?" Cassi retorted, shaking her head.

"Ew." Pippin put in. "That was bad. They cleaned out most of the Peanut Gallery to the bathroom."

"I thought it was kind of funny." Chris snickered.

"Although most of us who saw it in person or on video will never be touching spaghetti again." Christy replied, with a disgusted face.

"You wouldn't eat spaghetti anyway." Thackary reminded her. "You're a vegetarian, remember? You don't eat processed foods."

Christy shook her head. "True, but now I won't even be able to watch you eat it." She defended.

"Hey Christy!" Jimmy called out from a table away. "Wanna piece of what was once Porky Pig?" He held up a slice of pepperoni.

Christy gave a very unladylike snort. "Oh please, Jimmy, you don't even know what they use to make that."

"I do." Cassi Martinez retorted with a snicker. "Anything and everything that falls into the vat . . . and on this ship that includes rats! Does anyone see any cows or pigs here?"

Lights and Murdoch exchanged a glance and slowly pushed their plates away. "I'm full." Murdoch muttered under his breath.

"Oh good." Jimmy cut in, grabbing theirs. "If you don't want it, we'll take it."

"Oh quit it!" Cassi (me, not her) scolded. "Jerry's in the kitchen and he can conjure food, and that includes the pizza. Nobody went hunting for rats. . .except the Raptors, who splattered them all over that Cafe over there."

"Right then." Lights answered, getting up from the table. "We'd best be going now." He leaned over to Murdoch as the two walked out the door. "Remind me never to eat with this crowd again." He whispered, feeling mildly ill.

"Good idea." Murdoch agreed.

* * *

Up on the bridge, Whiplash and Teri were staring at the '_idiot'_ that now stood yelling at them for jerking the ship around. Whiplash, already annoyed that first of all, he'd already heard this from Captain Sparrow, and second of all, the man had interrupted his Tetris game, and caused him to lose at 79,000, on level 9. He was just a few thousand short of beating his best score, and he was ticked off about it. (don't ask, he has his priorities)

"I think I'm getting one of those headaches that keep going around, West Wind." Whiplash muttered to Teri.

Teri nodded and handed him a bottle of Excedrin. Truthfully, she had no idea what the man was even saying because she was mystified at what she'd seen shaved into the back of his head. This had to be the weirdest person she'd come in contact with yet on this ship . . . . also the loudest. She frowned. Who was he, anyways? Apart from an idiot?

"Are you even listening to me, Mr. Lowe?" The man demanded.

As soon as he heard the name, Steve rolled his eyes. "Okay, slow down, Mister." He cut in. "First of all, my name is Whiplash, not Lowe. Got it? Steve 'Whiplash' Wilson. Do you need me to write it down?" He didn't stop and wait for an answer. "Second of all, I don't take orders from First Class idiots, so get the [heck] off my bridge!"

In the doorway that lead to the Captain's Quarters, two small children stood, gaping at Ismay. They had seen his back when he'd been talking with Whiplash, and could not believe what they were seeing.

'Idiot' turned, outraged, then looked down to see the children. "And who are _they_?" He demanded, ticked off because he'd been insulted.

Teri looked down at the kids she'd given the guns to, and shrugged. "Don't know." She answered, honestly. "All they wanted was some guns, and they weren't impolite or anything."

The First Class idiot now stared at her as if she were insane. -which Teri decided was rather stupid, as _he_ was the one with 'idiot' shaved on his head, not her- "You **gave them **_**guns**_?" He remarked, in disbelief.

"Yeah, she gave them guns." Whiplash exploded, indignantly. "And at least **they** were polite about it!" He looked down at the kids. "Feel free to shoot the idiot."

The two boys exchanged a glance, then shrugged. The one in purple paint set the bag on the floor, and aimed one of the guns, as did the boy in green paint. And as the idiot stared at them in disbelief, the two boys shot wads of black and pink paint at him, grinning. They liked the paint guns already.

"Way to go, boys." Whiplash congratulated, laughing. "You can go play now." He picked up his com. "Security to the bridge." He spoke into it. "Somebody get this idiot out of my sight before I push him overboard."

* * *

By the time Pitman and Lowe met up with Andrews and Siobhan; Moody and Boxhall had caught up to them. The group had once again broken off into pairs to see what they could find out on the happenings on Titanic. Smith and Wilde had gone another way. while Jack and Rose had gone yet another, mentioning something about looking for Tommy and Fabri.

"You are not going to believe what we just saw!" Pitman spoke up, laughing as they approached the group waiting off to the side of the a la Carte Restaurant.

"Did you see Ismay or the two Raptors that came through?" Andrews asked, not sounding surprised. He and his niece had ducked around the corner just as the two Raptors had entered the restaurant.

Lowe and Pitman stared at him a second. "Um, both." Pitman told them, disappointed they'd already known. "However, there was more to Ismay on the bridge."

"Really?" Moody asked, eagerly. "Do tell!"

"Well, he mistook that other man for me." Lowe began. "Apparently, that man's name is Whiplash or something, and he and that red-headed woman-"

"Teri." Pitman corrected. "She said she was Teri, but Whiplash called her West Wind."

"Whatever." Lowe quipped, before continuing. "They let us shoot Mr. Ismay with paint guns." He finished, holding up the guns.

"No!" Siobhan exclaimed, laughing.

"Then they had him thrown off the bridge!" Pitman added, snickering.

Moody, Andrews and Boxhall burst out laughing. "Oh I would have paid to see the look on his face when he found out that wasn't you." Moody smirked, shaking his head.

Lowe rolled his eyes. "Personally, I thought it was rather obvious." He retorted. "That man acts nothing like me, nor does he talk like me."

"Yes, but before he says anything, he looks just like you from a distance." Siobhan replied, defensively.

"Siobhan's right." Andrews pointed out. "Had you not been standing right in front of me, I would have mistaken him myself."

"Yes, but he wasn't wearing a uniform coat in the bridge." Lowe reminded him. "And that tattoo on his arm makes it completely obvious it's not me."

Boxhall suddenly looked up. "Here comes Captain Smith and Mr. Wilde." He cut in, pointing. "And they look as if they have a few interesting stories to tell as well."

"You are not going to believe this!" Wilde cried when they got closer.

"The Raptors, the Crew's Mess Hall, or Ismay?" Lowe asked, pointedly.

The two stared at him. "What about the Crew's Mess Hall and Ismay?" Wilde demanded. "And what is a Raptor?"

"Okay, what did you see?" Andrews asked, laughing.

"No, you first!" Captain Smith answered, crossing his arms. "You got our attention."

Pitman laughed, and shook his head. "Someone shaved the word, 'idiot' on the back of Ismay's head, shaved off his eyebrows, and painted 'First Class' on his back with an arrow pointing up at the word 'idiot'." He informed them.

"And not only was the 'First Class' thing on his shirt, but it was on his _coat_ before he took it off as well!" Siobhan added. "Uncle Thomas and I nearly went into convulsions laughing so hard."

Wilde and Smith exchanged a glance before both of them burst out laughing. "Oh, I want to see that one!" Smith gasped out.

"Now what did you see?" Lowe pressed impatiently.

"What about the Crew's Mess Hall?" Wilde asked, avoiding the question.

"Cassi and Sven turned it into some other eating place called, _Pizza Hut_." Pitman informed them. "Not sure what the food is like, but Lights and Murdoch were in there."

"That's not the only place they were." Wilde remarked with a smirk. "Wait till you hear what they did on the A Deck Promenade."

"Spill." Moody ordered.

"First off, Lightoller lost control of his skates when the ship lurched, like another man we all knew, with furry feet." Wilde remarked, making a face. "Then he apparently ran into one of the First Class Passengers, I think it was Miss Rose's mother, and knocked her overboard!"

The group stared at him.

"He knocked Ruth Dewitt Bukater _overboard_!" Andrews cried, in disbelief. "Oh, he'll be in trouble for that one if it gets out. What happened?"

"Well some blue German demon saved her." Smith informed them. "That's what all the passengers that were there say. But after that, Mr. Hockley picked up Lightoller and was scolding him for it!"

The group started laughing again. "He was scolding _Lights_?" Boxhall snorted. "Oh that would have been so funny to watch!"

"That's not the half of it." Wilde went on. "Lights kicked him with his skate . . . _after_ he stuck his tongue out at him!"

"And you don't really want to know where he kicked him." Smith added, giving a knowing look.

The group, with the exception of Siobhan, being male, instantly made the same face, groaning in disbelief, before all of them, Siobhan included, burst out laughing.

"Oh, now _that_ I would have **paid** to see!" Moody gasped, between fits of laughter.

"Now what's a Raptor?" Wilde asked, when the laughter had finally died down.

Unfortunately, this question was never answered. From inside the restaurant next to them, a voice was heard singing to music, slightly off-key.

"Oh this is the day, it's a beautiful day, and they call it..." The song went on, still off-key, as the group gave each other funny looks.

"That's where the Raptors went." Moody remarked, quietly.

Lowe's face paled. "Oh ugh." He managed to get out, covering his mouth, as he remembered the conversation that he and Pitman had overheard. "Whatever you do, don't look."

Naturally, as nobody has ever listened to this warning, the entire group ran to the doorway to look in. . . . and what do you suppose they found?

Inside the restaurant, Denny was singing, and at the table in the corner, over a plate of what was definitely _not_ spaghetti, Nick and Sara were seated, reenacting the scene from the movie, "_Lady and the Tramp_."

"Ugh." Siobhan managed to get out before she covered her mouth and ran, followed by Andrews, Moody, Boxhall, Pitman, Smith, and Wilde.

Lowe, still standing over to the side, had willed himself **not** to look, although the thought of what they were doing was just enough to send him after the rest of the group.

Inside the restaurant, Denny, hearing a noise, turned to look at the door, finding nobody there. He shrugged and went back to singing.

**WARNING:**_**When someone says the words, "Don't look." It may be a good idea NOT to look. (But I guess it's a little late for that one huh?)**_

Meanwhile, all the way down on G-Deck, Ardeth and Carter are wandering through the forward compartments. Ardeth had gotten a funny feeling up on F-Deck, and the two had gone down to check out what it was. As they neared what the sign pointed out was "Mail Hold", Ardeth stopped cold.

"We can go no farther." He said quietly, stopping Carter.

Carter frowned, and stared at his adopted brother. "What is it?" He asked, as he didn't feel a thing.

Ardeth shook his head. "Evil." He whispered. "I don't know what it is, but I believe this is why Imhotep would not come aboard."

"Wait, when we first boarded the ship, Cassi and Sven were discussing something about avoiding the forward holds." Carter remembered. "I thought it was because this was where the berg was supposed to hit them, but now that you mention it,_ that_ could be the reason."

Ardeth visibly shivered. "This may be the reason so many people have had bad feelings concerning this ship." He suggested.

"I think we need to talk to Cassi and Sven." Carter agreed quietly. "I think there's something they didn't tell us here. Cassi did a whole lot of reading into this thing, and some of those books she reads aren't your regular reference books."

Ardeth nodded. "True Ghost stories, unsolved mysteries...curses." He murmured, with sudden realization. "This ship is cursed. A very old curse." He paused. "And whatever is cursing it is down in that hold."

Carter gave a small nod, and backed away, pulling Ardeth with him. If he'd learned anything at all in the time he'd been living with the Med-jai tribes, it was that, when concerning curses, especially the more ancient ones, they were _not_ to be taken lightly. "Let's get out of here." He whispered, seriously.

Down the hall, Jack and Rose exchanged a glance. They'd followed the two, curious to know what the two boys were up to, but what they'd just overheard, left them pale, and very concerned.

"It's an iceberg." Jack remarked quietly. "It's got to be."

Rose shook her head. "That's not what's scaring me." She told him, staring. "Those men are from a tribe in Egypt. If they're saying something about a curse..."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Gimme a break." He retorted, flatly. "You want we should go in there and look?"

"No!" She answered, frantically shaking her head. "I don't want to go down there at all."

"You really think there's any truth to that?" Jack inquired, eyeing her.

"Jack, they said it was cursed, and then _they_ were too disturbed to even go _near_ the place." Rose reminded him. "And on top of that, there's another man they said couldn't even get on the ship because of it." She shook her head. "Besides, Officer Wilde even said he had a bad feeling about this ship. I don't trust it. We have to find the others."

Jack sighed in defeat, and nodded. "Okay, let's get out of here." He agreed. "Besides, we just found out what's going to sink us."

**FUN FACT:**_** Lyrics are to the new Zorro song, coming up in #31 "Zorro, the Spoof Begins", where Fiddles did the theme. (He was playing Toronado) New lyrics written by Sven.**_

"When daggers are pointed at innocent mares...and muskrats are ready to fry..." Fiddles sang to himself as he bounced down the hall in Second Class. "When Centaurs strive high, and govern with boredom, and the forces of snobs will perspire, then out of the forest, a hero will run, with courage that even a bridle can't disguise..." He trailed off as he ran into a locked gate. The gate had a sign over it that read, 'Third Class, Crew only.'

Fiddles cocked his head. Now why would the Third Class Crew be locked in? And what was a Third Class crew? He stared at the gate another minute, then his eyes widened. It was to keep others from going to Third Class Crew! Cassi and Sven had said that Third Class had parties. They were keeping **him** out of a party! He glared at the gate. _Nobody_ kept Fiddles out of a party!

Glaring, he turned himself around and kicked the gate as hard as he could, breaking it open. Then he turned around to survey his work. Served them right for trying to keep him out of a party. Tossing his mane, he skipped through the doorway, continuing his song.

* * *

"That was vile." Joseph Boxhall remarked as the group walked down the B Deck promenade.

"Well I **did** tell you not to look." Lowe pointed out. "Pitman and I heard them talking as they passed us. They were mentioning that type of meal. They just didn't say where they were going."

"Where do you suppose that. . .meal of theirs came from?" Siobhan mused, more to herself.

Andrews shook his head, with a disgusted look. "Personally, I really don't want to know where they got it or who this Dr. Lecter is that you say made it."

"Well if we end up missing any crew or passengers, I'm really going to wonder." Wilde put in, making a face.

"Dr. Lecter's the Set Shrink." A voice spoke up from nearby.

The children looked around, seeing nobody. "Who's there?" Smith demanded.

Moody rolled his eyes. "That would be the one they call Dave." He informed the group, remembering the man who was invisible on the bridge when they'd changed him.

Dave grinned as he moved so they could see him. He was now five years old like the rest of them, and still looked every bit the devious type.

"Shrink?" Pitman asked, looking confused.

"Psychiatrist." Dave explained. "Hannibal Lecter. Also called 'Hannibal the Cannibal.'"

"He's a _cannibal_?" Siobhan asked, staring at him.

"Yeah." Dave replied, casually. "Mostly they just eat clones though. No biggie. I guess, by all your disgusted looks that Nick and Sara found a food place and are rehashing the Inn of the Prancing Pony."

"The what?" Lowe spoke up, looking at him as if he were insane.

Dave rolled his eyes. "They've done that before." He told them all. "I have to admit, it was pretty distracting for the ones who were supposed to be acting at the time. We make spoof and parody videos. Most of us here on the ship are the actors, and Cassi, Sven, Amanda and Becca are directors."

"As in moving pictures?" Boxhall replied, looking surprised.

Dave stared at him a moment before he realized he was in the year 1912, and the VCR had not been invented yet. "Uh, yeah." He finally answered. "Except a little more from the future."

"Meaning the picture screens in the Captain's Sitting room." Lowe stated, realizing what they must have been. "So all this is acting?"

Dave frowned. "Uh, no." He told them, trying to word it right. "All this is break time. This is what we do when we pause in the other Spoofs. We go to places like this and have a good time, then we go back to filming. We do it all the time. . .relieves stress and boredom."

"So this is. . .just a big joke because you were _bored_?" Andrews cut in, not looking very pleased with it.

"Well, actually, we **do** have a reason for coming here, just like we had a reason when we sacked Port Royal." Dave defended. "But I can't tell you that or I'll get shot."

Lowe rolled his eyes. "Sure, just like you're not supposed to tell us that ship is going to sink?" He pointed out, sarcastically.

Dave frowned. "Someone _told_ you that?" He whistled. "Boy, I'd hate to see what happens to _them_ when Cassi and Sven find out. We weren't supposed to mention anything of the future plans, _or_ the ship sinking."

"So now that we already know, how does it happen?" Smith inquired.

Dave made a zipping motion over his mouth. "No way, I'm not dying for you." He answered, bluntly.

Wilde gave a disgusted look. "As if they won't just bring you back afterwards." He muttered, with a knowing look.

"Wow, they told you_ that _too?" Dave asked, impressed. "_Some_body's gonna get their butt kicked."

"Nobody really told us." Moody remarked, with a shrug. "Sven shot Mr. Wilde, and that bloke called Chris, with the long hair snapped his fingers, and brought him back. Captain Smith and Boxhall saw it."

"Fair enough." Dave agreed. "But I can't tell you about how the ship sinks."

"You don't have to." Rose interrupted as they rejoined the group. "We overheard someone saying it's an iceberg."

The group turned to look at her and Jack. "An iceberg?" Smith asked. "Did they say when and how?"

Jack shook his head. "Nah, but they _did_ say that the ship had a very old curse on it, and whatever the curse is, it's in the Mail Hold." He informed them.

"A **curse**?" Wilde spat out. "Are you sure you heard that right?"

Rose nodded. "It was the ones with the tattoos on their faces." She went on. "And after they said there was a curse, they wouldn't go near that area, and backed away. They didn't look like they were pretending."

Dave stared at her. "That was Ardeth and Carter." He mused, more to himself. "Ardeth's a Med-jai, and if he says there's a curse there, and then **he** backed away, then they're probably not lying."

"They also said that there was another on their ship that wouldn't come aboard because of it." Jack added.

"Imhotep." Dave answered, nodding. "He's an Egyptian mummy. . . although you'd never know it to look at him. Sounds like some Egyptian curse. I wonder how that would have happened."

"Are you insinuating that it's true?" Moody asked, eyeing him suspiciously. They knew very well that this could also be one of this group's pranks.

Dave shrugged. "Well, **I** didn't feel anything at all when I got on board." He stated, pointedly. "But Sven and Cassi said something about not going anywhere _near_ the forward holds, and they warned all of us to stay out of there."

Wilde frowned. "Maybe the ship really _does_ have a curse on it." He muttered, slowly. "After all, there were quite a number of people who said God Himself couldn't sink the ship. In my opinion, it's not normally very wise to fly in the face of God."

"Yeah, I believe Cassi and Sven mentioned as much." Dave remarked, matter-of-factly. "They're what they call. . ." He paused, trying to word it exactly. "Pentecostal Charismatic Messianic Jews. . .and if you understand that one, you're good." (yes, we believe that if they boasted God couldn't sink the ship, He wasn't happy and decided to teach them a lesson-however, these are our personal beliefs and we don't mean to offend anyone who thinks otherwise-So please don't criticize us, and we won't criticize you)

"Is there any way we can prevent this from happening?" Smith asked.

Dave sighed. "Look, I'm not even supposed to be talking to you about it." He argued. "If you want any info on it, why don't you just ask Cassi and Sven? In the meantime, are you using all those paint guns?"

"We got them off the bridge." Pitman told him, annoyed that they weren't getting anymore information out of him. "Go get your own."

"Fine." Answered Dave, fading so they could no longer see him. "See if I join _your_ side."

"Who's taking sides?" Siobhan demanded, also annoyed with the invisible boy.

"All of us." Dave informed her, with a laugh. "And we have all the magic talents."

"That man is really beginning to annoy me." Moody muttered, quietly. "He was the one on the bridge that helped to get me."

"So what do we do?" Asked Boxhall. "Head back to the boat?"

"No." Lowe cut in quickly. "They've got something in there where they can see us."

"What?" Andrews asked, staring at him.

Pitman nodded. "It was on one of those screens in the Captain's Sitting room." He told the group. "We'll have to find somewhere else."

"Well, where _didn't_ they have a screen where they could see us?" Rose questioned.

Lowe shook his head. "I don't know." He remarked, considering it. "They had them everywhere. . . including all the lavatories."

"The _lavatories_?" Wilde spat out, disgusted. "**Why**?"

"Ugh, that's not right." Moody stated, making a face.

"_Tell_ me about it." Lowe muttered. "Makes you wonder if they even know the meaning of the word, 'privacy.'"

"Somehow I doubt it." Andrews retorted, shaking his head, disgusted.


	11. Talking Bottles and the Skat Strut!

_**Right, there was a story here...actually, there isn't yet. I'm looking at a blank page in front of a whole load of MAD cartoons...Sven had nothing to do last night, and my drugs just now kicked in...happy happy joy joy...[stares at little hairs floating through the air]**_

_**Wanted:**_** New Readers with revolting sense of humor. No intelligence necessary. Apply below.**

**WARNING:**_**Author is higher than a kite...we are not responsible for what happens next...and if you don't believe me, wait till you see the suicide scene in the "Titanic" spoof coming up. We assured that nobody will ever take it seriously again. Random Quote: Wilde- (watching the scene) So, who's jumping next? Get in line now! Andrews- Maybe we should have sold tickets for that. [yes, we did warp them a lot...it's fun]**_

**CHAPTER TEN: **_**"TALKING WINE BOTTLES & THE SKAT STRUT"**_

A while after the two senior Officers had left the Crew's Mess Hall, Tommy and Fabri had decided they'd had enough pizza. Both had very much enjoyed it and agreed it was definitely better than what was served in the Third Class area, and unlike the two Officers, who'd been visibly repulsed by the dinner conversation, they'd actually found themselves laughing the entire time.

"You know, this place isn't so bad." Fabri spoke up as they strolled down the Boat Deck.

"Well, the food was very good." Tommy agreed, laughing. "And the company wasn't too bad either."

"Did you see their hair?" Fabri asked, still not believing what they'd seen.

Tommy grinned. "The blue and purple was definitely interesting." He remarked.

"So where do we go now?" Fabri put in, changing the subject. "I don't know where Jack ran off to."

"Wherever the Officers and Rose did, I suppose." Tommy mused, considering it. "That could be anywhere by now."

Fabri nodded, then stared. "Tommy, do you see what I think I see?" He asked, pointing at the strange sight ahead.

"Isn't he adorable?" Silver cried, sounding proud. "We fixed him up ourselves!"

The two exchanged a glance. "Weeell, 'adorable' wasn't quite the word that came to mind." Tommy answered, after a minute.

"Oh come on!" Becca scolded. "He's a work of art!"

Fabri blinked, and cocked his head, staring at what had once been the Quartermaster. The man's clothing was covered in several different shades of neon glow in the dark paint, and his hair was done up in a bright neon purple mohawk. His hat was missing and it wasn't hard to see where it had gone, as Mid was now wearing it turned backwards.

"Actually, that looks a little uncomfortable." Tommy commented, walking around the man, who's mouth was taped with duct tape.

Becca, Emmy, Mid, Silver, Freddy, and Logan all exchanged looks. They had been proud of their art work and were now insulted that someone had said something negative about it.

"He's being mean." Freddy put in, giving the group a knowing look. "What do we do to people who are mean and insult our artwork?"

Tommy's eyes widened. "We didn't mean anything like that!" He replied, quickly. "Really, it looks very nice." He elbowed Fabri, who nodded.

"It's beautiful." Fabri told them, taking another look at Hitchens.

"A genuine work of art." Tommy finished.

The group exchanged another glance that plainly said there was no way they were falling for this.

"They're lying." Logan retorted, through narrowed eyes. "What do we do to liars that insult our art?"

Becca grinned. "We get even." She answered, sinisterly.

"Nail him." Freddy ordered, with a resounding 'snikt' as he popped his claws. [Freddy has two gloves with retractable claws of adamantium that we gave him]

The pair instantly backed away. Not looking where they were going, the wound up backed against a wall.

"What if we just apologized?" Fabri asked. He was now beginning to regret going into the First Class section with these people.

Silver grinned. "Too late." She told him, as she threw a balloon at him, which exploded on impact and covered him with day-glo yellow paint.

At about the same time, Emmy threw another one that exploded on Tommy, and covered the Irishman in a bright neon red glow in the dark paint.

As soon as the paint hit them, Becca and Mid aimed and fired the water pistols, resulting in two more paint covered children, who actually looked relieved to have not been truly shot.

"Awww, look at them, they're so adorable." Emmy cooed, poking one.

Silver eyed them, with her own grin. "Oh, I want one! Can I take him home?"

"Better not." Logan answered, shaking his head. "I don't think that would work out too well." He looked down at the two children. "Get lost. Your clothes are giving me a headache."

The boys exchanged a glance, and quickly ran off.

* * *

While the attitude was complete chaos on the rest of the ship, down in Steerage was another story. The Irishmen were playing lively jigs while Fiddles was dancing in the middle of the Dining Hall with a whole load of Steerage children.

As Fiddles had entered the area where a lot of Third Class people were eating their lunch, the entire place had looked completely scared out of their wits. However, Fiddles had cleared all that up when he asked if they were having a party. . . in so many words. "This is the Third Class Crew." He'd proclaimed, loudly. "Third Class has nice parties, yes it does. Fiddles heard all about it, and he wants to have a party. When are you having a dancing party, I love to dance, yes I do! Fiddles is a wonderful dancer and he even sings. Can we have a party right now? I was in First Class and they don't have parties at all. They are very boring, yes they are. They don't dance at all, and that's very boring. When are you having a party? Can I be there?"

After they'd gotten over the initial shock factor, the people had been more than willing to get out instruments and play the dance music. The people had been afraid at first of the strange talking green horse, but as the animal continued talking, the children had cautiously come up to touch him. After they'd figured out the horse was not going to hurt anyone, the party went into full-swing, and the people practically ran to the dance floor to dance with the green horse.

Popular as he was, Fiddles was enjoying every second of it, and even letting some of the children jump onto his back, as he danced them around the floor. This, he decided, was definitely tons better than running around on the Boat Deck looking at all the boring First Class people. He could not honestly believe this was supposed to be the not nice part of the ship, as this was the funniest time he'd had yet.

After he'd been dancing for about an hour, Fiddles frowned and decided he really should mention to someone there was a party going on, and they were all missing it. He reached his hoof up and turned on his com unit. "Hello everyone, this is Fiddles, yes it is! Fiddles is in a big party and you are all missing it, yes you are! If you wanna get to a party, you better come down right now, don't wait!" He spoke into the com, before he turned it off and went back to dancing with the children.

* * *

**Quickie Dictionary:**

**Boot Rear: (noun) Drink in Xanth that tastes like Root Beer, only has a tendency to give a good kick in the rear, unless one is sitting down.**

**Club Soda: (noun) A dangerous 'knock-out' punch. (this pretty much says it all)**

Meanwhile, up in the First Class Dining room, Two sinister figures were wreaking their own havoc in their own way. Dor and Irene, already five years old, were currently switching the drinks in the kitchen, with a variety of Xanth drinks, including Boot Rear and Club Soda.

"I think this should give the First Class people a nice surprise." Dor quipped, as they exited the kitchen.

"I certainly agree." The tampered bottle spoke up. "This stuff is kicking me. Make it stop."

Dor rolled his eyes. "They'll empty you soon enough." He told the bottle.

"I think you should do a lot more." A chair put in. "These First Class people are always sitting on me and they _never_ have anything decent to say."

"They are completely boring." Remarked the center piece on one of the tables.

"Maybe we better get out of here now." Irene quipped. Being married to Dor, she had gotten used to the inanimate objects talking long ago, but it _did_ get annoying at some times.

"Aw, you already got the drinks." Amanda complained, as she and Riddick entered the Dining Hall.

"Yes, he did, and this stuff is trying to kick me!" Complained the bottle again.

"We added a few things." Dor commented, with a shrug. "However, you can add your sea-sickness pills if you want. We don't mind."

"That depends." Another bottle spoke up. "Will it make **me** seasick?"

"You're a bottle." Irene spat out. "You can't get sea-sick. It's for the Passengers."

"Are you sure?" The bottle pressed. "I don't like the sound of it."

Amanda gave a flat look. "I'm going to break a few bottles." She muttered.

"**Nooooooooooo**!" All the bottles cried at once.

"No, don't break us! Think of my **children**!" Another bottle [we'll call it Bottle 21]

yelled.

Dor groaned. "You're a bottle, you don't _have_ children!" He retorted, bluntly.

"Someday I might." Bottle 21 argued.

"Don't break me, I'm so **young**!" Bottle 43 cried, loudly. "I have a whole life to give people drinks!"

Down in the doorway, watching this scene were two children covered in blue and red paint. "Lights?" Murdoch whispered, staring. "Are you seeing this?"

"Of _course _he is!" The door retorted. "Unless he's blind."

Lights blinked. "I think we're in the wrong room." He replied, quietly. "We should go."

Murdoch nodded and the two quietly left the room, as the grisly scene of broken bottles unfolded behind them.

"**Nooooooooooo**! **She has broken me**!" Bottle 29 shrieked. "**I am** **all over the floor**! **My life has ended forever**! **NOOOOOOO**!

Amanda grinned triumphantly. "Ah that felt great." She mused to herself. "Hand me the seasickness pills."

Riddick shook his head, laughing, as he handed the bottle to her. He was having the time of his life, and didn't bother to hide it.

* * *

"Can we go to the party now?" Whiplash asked, pointedly. "I wanna dance on the bar."

"How do you even know they have one?" Teri retorted with a smirk. "Besides, who's gonna drive the ship while we party?"

"Choices choices." Becca murmured. After the incident with Tommy and Fabri, she and the Evil Trio had returned to the bridge, where Cassi and Sven had been taking turns sliding across the -now- rubber, and very wet floor.

"Lights was right, this **is** fun!" Cassi declared. "We should keep it this way."

"Most definitely." Sven agreed.

"About the party in Third Class-" Whiplash pressed.

Cassi shrugged. "Who's gonna drive the ship?" She asked.

"We wanted to drive the ship." Becca cut in. "But the party in Third Class sounds more fun."

Sven shrugged. "Personally, we don't need _any_one to drive the ship." She reminded them. "It's not really even going anywhere. The clocks haven't moved since we got on board. It's just that nobody's noticed, because we won't let them."

"Good point." Cassi agreed. "Let's party."

"Who's watching the monitors?" Theodin inquired, leaning against the wall.

Cassi frowned. "Rob, are you coming?" She asked.

"I'll watch the monitors." He answered, giving her a wave. "I'm waiting for Lizzie to come back anyway. She paged me and said she was on her way back here."

Sven nodded. "Good, pressure's off. Let's party."

"Yippee! **Party**!" Silver shouted, gleefully.

With this, the entire group except Romano left the bridge. The Surgeon shook his head, swallowing a couple more headache pills. He was not wanting to deal with loud music right now anyway. Now was a better time to lay on the couch inside, and see who was throwing up in the restroom next.

However, it was only mere minutes after the rest of the group had left that a rather large group of children entered the Captain's Quarters, without even knocking.

The children looked around, obviously not finding whatever they were looking for.

Romano rolled his eyes and sat up, annoyed. "What the [heck] do you want and don't you even knock?" He demanded.

One of the children came forward and gave him a flat look. "I don't have to knock." He retorted. "This is _my_ Quarters."

Romano eyed the boy that was the de-aged Captain. "Not right now, it isn't." He shot back. "What do you want?"

"Where are Cassi and Sven?" Smith asked, pointedly. "We were wanting some information out of them."

Romano sighed, running his tongue over his teeth. "Right. Well, they're not here." He informed them. "They went to Steerage. Fiddles started a big party there. You can probably find them wherever they have their parties."

"Who?" Siobhan asked, looking confused.

"Green talking and singing horse." Andrews explained. "You don't want to know."

"Well as long as we're here, you wouldn't happen to have any information on the sinking of this ship, would you?" Smith inquired.

Romano blinked. "Nope, don't know a thing." He answered, picking a book out of a bag and opening it.

The group exchanged knowing looks as they eyed the title on the book which read, 'The Story of the Titanic, as told by its Survivors.'

"Oh, I completely believe him." Wilde muttered, sarcastically.

Siobhan was staring at the names on the book. Even from across the room, she could read Lightoller's name clearly, as well as Harold Bride's. She frowned, disappointed that Lowe's and Moody's names did not appear there. Then again, that could not possibly be _all_ the survivors.

Romano looked up from the book. "Are you still here?" He asked, sounding most annoyed. "Isn't there some street corner you can hang out on?"

The children did not answer, as they were all staring at the cover of the book.

Romano rolled his eyes and waved a hand in front of the book. "You heard me! Get lost!" He ordered. "They're at a party in Steerage, go find them."

"Let's go." Andrews spoke up, quietly, pulling Siobhan and Lowe toward the door. The others quietly followed, leaving the room.

Out on the bridge, Boxhall shivered. "That was strange." He said quietly. "Did you see the names on that book?" (there's only four on the book-Lawrence Beesley, Archibald Gracie, Lights and Bride)

"I saw them." Smith responded, trying to keep his balance on the wet rubber floor. They'd noticed the change, and all were slipping and sliding.

"That can't be all of them." Andrews cut in, bluntly. "The man Pippin said that 1500 die, but that still leaves a lot of others."

"We need to find Cassi and Sven." Moody reminded them. "Or those other two. Maybe we can get them to tell us something."

"They're at a party in Steerage." Siobhan put in, remembering what the other man had told them. "It's this way."

"Oh goodie." Moody retorted as they left the bridge, hanging onto Pitman as he tried not to fall over. "We get to go to another party."

"You owe me for last night." Boxhall reminded Moody. "I had to cover your shift while you went and danced all night."

"Got it." Moody told him, as the group headed for the Steerage area.

As the group of children with Captain Smith headed toward the Third Class, they were met with four more children. Two were Fabri and Tommy, who, now covered with different colors of paint and changed into little kids, had gone looking for the group with Jack. After a brief explanation of what had happened, they'd joined the group.

A few minutes later, as the group had come into the Second Class section, they'd run into the two senior Officers, who were still on rollerblades, and starting to get bored. They'd heard of the party via Com-link and decided it would be worth checking out. After they exchanged greetings, the two had joined the group. . . with small bits of apologies to Officer Wilde in regards to a few spit wads.

After Murdoch's apology, the group had exchanged information in regards to the goings on.

"How?" Moody asked, looking confused when Lights had explained their recent adventure.

Lights shrugged. "Not the slightest idea." He replied, honestly. "They have one who turns invisible, one who makes fire, one who walks on water, and another that transforms things. . . ." He trailed off.

"One walks on water?" Lowe asked, staring at him.

"Yes, they said it was a vampire or something that can walk on anything composed of water." Murdoch explained. (Spike-See Fellowship)

"That one transformed me." Rose added.

"That's Ardeth." Lights informed her. "He transforms living things. Lucy transforms non-living things."

"So what made the bottles talk?" Pitman asked.

Murdoch shrugged. "I don't think it was Amanda or Riddick." He answered, considering it. "But there were two other people in there. A man and a woman. I think it was one of them making everything talk."

"Interesting." Andrews remarked, looking impressed.

"So then I assume you're also headed to the party?" Lights inquired, looking at Andrews.

"Actually, we were hoping to get a few details on the ship sinking." Smith told them.

The two frowned. "That's actually true?" Murdoch asked, pointedly. "Lights and I saw it painted on the wall in the Crew's Mess, but we didn't really believe it."

"We've been hearing it from several people, and Fabri and Tommy said that those guys with the long hair told them it was supposed to go down tomorrow night." Jack informed them. "And Rose and I heard Ardeth and that friend talking about an ice berg and a curse on the mail hold."

Lights and Murdoch exchanged a glance. "We've heard nothing on it at all." Murdoch told them. "A few comments, and that sign on Lights' back, but nothing positive."

"That's why we were coming down here." Wilde explained. "To ask this Cassi and Sven if any of this is true."

Lights shrugged. "Good luck getting it out of them." He retorted. "As much as I've seen, it's next to impossible to get any information out of them that they don't want to give."

"Well, it's worth a try." Siobhan pointed out. "The least we can do is ask if we can prevent it."

Murdoch nodded. "Well, I suppose we might as well go with you as we were heading to the party anyway." He told them, skating slowly next to them. "We were getting bored in the Crew's Mess."

"And the lunch conversation left much to be desired." Lightoller added, making a face.

"I believe." Lowe remarked, cringing at all he'd been seeing since he'd met the Raptor Squad.

* * *

Down in Steerage, the party had taken yet another change. Pippin and Merry had instantly come down the second they'd heard about it and were now dancing on the table again. The EvilAuthors were split up. Cassi was dancing on the counter with Whiplash, Teri, Theodin, Haldir, and Freddy, who'd come down with Logan.

Logan himself was engaged in drinking several Third Class men under the table. Sven was seated in the corner with a notebook in her hand and Lucy sitting across from her, offering suggestions.

Danger Zone had joined the band, electric guitars, drums and keyboards included, and the dancers found the music fairly good for the most part, as the new band kept time with the Irish band perfectly.

Captain Sparrow was nowhere to be seen, as we suppose he's still cleaning out the cabins in the First Class, borrowing Lucy's talent for the hour, while he switched real jewels for fake. After a while, Becca and Mid had joined him. Silver and Emmy were climbing up on the counter to dance with the others.

By the time the large group of children got to the Third Class Dining Saloon, the entire party had gone completely out of control, and was making a name for itself in the history of killer parties.

"Well, this is a bit different from the last party they had down here." Moody spoke up, quietly.

"That's because nobody was dancing on the bar then." Lowe quipped, staring.

"Looks like fun." Rose put in, grinning.

"Definitely." Tommy agreed. "We should do that when we grow up."

Wilde shook his head, slightly annoyed that he seemed to be the only one taking this seriously much of the time. "Where are they?"

"Cassi's on the bar." Lights replied, pointing. "And so are Silver and Emmy. . . and Lowe's twin brother."

"Nice moves." Commented Rose, watching Whiplash.

Lowe frowned and stared at her, only to find that Siobhan was also watching him. The music, in his opinion, left much to be desired, as the group had switched from Irish jigs to something that Chris was singing was the "Skat Strut". The band, however, was laughing, and keeping up the beat very well, giving the song a bit more flavor.

Siobhan turned to look at Lowe after a minute. "Can you do that?" She asked, sounding most interested in watching him try it.

Lowe stared at her like she was insane. "Not that I know of." He answered, elbowing Moody, who'd started laughing.

Lights was watching Whiplash closely. "Actually, it doesn't really look that hard to do." He commented after a minute.

"So **you **get up there and try it." Lowe told him, bluntly.

"He'd have to take the skates off first." Murdoch pointed out.

"Forget the dancing." Wilde interrupted. "Does anyone see this Sven person?"

"I can't see a thing." Moody informed him, pointedly. "We're maybe what, three feet tall?"

Murdoch shrugged. "Oh, well than wait a second." He replied, as he pulled the pistol he still had out of his coat.

The others, with the exception of Lights stared at him as if they could not believe what they were seeing.

"How long have you had that?" Wilde demanded.

"Since Sven and Cassi gave it to me." Murdoch told him, as he turned the pistol on himself, changing back to an adult. He paused for a minute, turned around and sprayed Lightoller. "Let's go find Sven."

"Excuse me!" Wilde spat out. "What about the rest of us?"

Murdoch shrugged and handed him the gun. "Can't." He remarked, matter-of-factly. "The gun's empty. That was the last of it."

Wilde glared at the gun. "When I grow up, I'm going to strangle the both of you."

"Atta boy." Carter commented from behind them. "Aim low."

"I became a great warrior when **I **grew up." Ardeth bragged.

As Wilde glared at them, the others in the group were laughing.

"Sorry dude, but you walked into that one." Carter smirked. "Besides, this is fun. Why do you think we changed ourselves? I mean I've only done this about four times now."

"Uhhh, people?" Moody cut in, nudging the others. "You may wanna look at this."

The others turned to look at what he'd been pointing at, and they all stared. Lightoller had abandoned his skates, and joined the party on the bar at about the same time Amanda and Riddick did.

"Well. . .it could be worse." Andrews remarked, wanting to crawl under a chair and hide. "He _could_ be still wearing his uniform. At least this way, they don't _know_ he's an Officer."

Smith nodded. "Thank God." He muttered under his breath.


	12. What happens when you OD on Marx Brother...

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: **_**"WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU O.D. ON MARX BRO."**_

"I thought you were in a bit of pain!" Lights yelled to Cassi over the music.

Cassi gave him a drunken grin. "LortabLand." She answered, yelling back. "Right now, I'm not even sure I still have a head on my shoulders. . . . . which is a really nice way to feel."

"So do you people do this often?" He went on, continuing to dance at the same time.

Cassi grinned wider. "We party hardy all the time." She informed him, giving Chris a hand gesture.

Chris gave an evil grin and winked at his twin brother, who pulled out a fiddle. Chris followed suit, and the band quickly switched songs. "Okay, boys." Chris remarked to the Irish band. "Try to follow this best you can. We're gonna tear up a few violin bows."

Still on the bar, Lights frowned, looking at Cassi. "What are they doing?" He asked, curiously.

"_'Devil Went Down to Georgia_.'" Cassi informed him as Jimmy started singing the song.

The Officers that were still children stared at the twin boys as they launched into some very impressive fiddling. It became obvious that Chris was playing the part of the Devil, and his twin was playing the part of a boy named Johnny. Meanwhile, on the bar, the group continued to dance, keeping time with the song.

The Irish band stared a moment, then as soon as they figured out the chorus, joined in the song.

Across the room, Murdoch was talking with Sven and Lucy, who were ignoring him and watching Chris and Thackary. "I saw Charlie Daniels do that on television." Sven remarked to Lucy. "He really tore up his bow on it."

Lucy nodded impressed. "Where did they learn that?" She asked, staring. "I would never have thought they could play the violin."

Sven shrugged. "You'll have to ask Cassi on that one." She told her, pointedly. "All I know is that those two are very multi-talented, although Thackary's better at the fiddle than Chris is, hence the reason Chris is Satan."

"Excuse me, is anyone paying attention to me?" Murdoch wanted to know.

"Oh yeah, it's always about you." Lucy quipped before turning back to watch the twins. "Why don't you go pester Cassi? Look, she's dancing with Lights."

Murdoch turned and stared. Although Lights was not as good as most of the others, he was doing pretty well at hiding it. Then again, what was he even doing up there? He was supposed to be asking for information, not joining the party!

As the song ended, the musicians and the dancers alike all took their bows to wild applause, and Cassi and Lights jumped down from the bar, as Thackary launched into _'Cotton Eyed Joe', _still using his fiddle, and Fiddles took over the dance floor, keeping the beat and completely enjoying himself.

"That was fun." Cassi spoke up with a sigh, as she and Lights walked over to where Sven and Murdoch were. "I always wanted to do that ever since I saw _'Coyote Ugly_.' It looked like loads of fun."

Murdoch gave Lights a flat look. "You know you were originally just supposed to talk to her, not jump up on the bar and dance." He remarked.

Lights shrugged. "Well, I couldn't really talk to her from the floor." He pointed out. "She'd never hear me."

"He's got a point." Lucy put in. "I can't even hear myself think."

"Well nobody wants to hear you think anyway." Sven retorted, seriously. "What was it you were wanting again?"

"Actually, the Captain was looking for you." Lights informed them, motioning to where the large group of children stood.

Cassi eyed the group. "Oy, now I need a headache pill." She muttered, noticing the bright painted clothing. "Who dumped that on them?"

"Neon." Lucy told her. "It was Becca's group that had the neon."

"Try to avoid Quartermaster Hitchens." Murdoch advised. "I believe according to Tommy and Fabri, he's covered in it, and they gave him a bright purple mohawk."

"We saw that, just before we changed the bridge to a rubber floor." Cassi informed him.

Lights frowned. "You changed the bridge to a rubber floor?" He asked, surprised. "Why?"

"I would have thought you of all people would know about that." Sven reminded him.

"True." Lights agreed. "Although while we're on the subject, how did _you_ know about that?"

"We do a lot of reading." Sven informed him, grinning. "I believe you have a very impressive biography."

Murdoch laughed. "So they told all his dirty secrets, did they?" He smirked.

"Are we supposed to be getting any answers sometime today?" Smith cut in, with a flat look.

"Answers to what?" Cassi asked.

The group stared at Murdoch and Lights. "Didn't you tell them?" Wilde spat out, disgusted.

"I told Sven." Murdoch answered, annoyed. "She just wasn't listening."

"Listening to what?" Cassi asked.

"Is it possible to get to somewhere quiet?" Wilde demanded, covering his ears.

Cassi gave him a pointed look. "If it's too loud, you're too old." She snapped, glaring at him. "What do you want, and hurry it up. We have an entire ship to trash."

"Do you think you could possibly try **not** to trash the whole ship?" Andrews pleaded. "It **did** take about four years to build."

"Really?" Sven went on, impressed. "Our people could do it in four **days**."

Siobhan stared at her. "Four days?"

"Is there an echo in here?" Lucy retorted, looking around.

"Was that all you wanted?" Cassi asked, looking bored. "I was wanting to go back to the party now."

Smith sighed, exasperated. "We were wanting the information on the ship sinking!"

"What?" Cassi asked, shouting over the music.

"I said we were wanting the information about the ship sinking!" Smith shouted back.

"You just _said_ that." Sven remarked, with a straight face. "Boy what a dull conversationalist _you_ turned out to be."

Lights gave a laugh, that was more of a choking, and Smith glared at him.

"We wanted you to tell us more on the sinking of the ship." Lowe interrupted, pulling Captain Smith back before he could jump up and strangle someone.

Cassi rolled her eyes and motioned to a table nearby. "Someone get us some Pepsi." She remarked to a passing creature with a little hood.

"Dink dink." The creature responded, walking off.

The others stared after it a second.

"We don't have all day." Sven cut in, impatiently. "The table's over there."

As the group sat down at the table, two more little creatures came over with a tray of drinks, and passed them around.

Ardeth leaned over and dropped a couple plastic coins on the tray. "Dink dink." He replied, taking a drink.

"Dink dink-dink." The creature responded, walking off.

"What is that?" Andrews asked, staring after them.

"Jawas." Sven answered as if it were obvious. "They take any kind of currency, even fake. Neato, huh?"

Moody rolled his eyes. "I should be surprised at that, but somehow I'm not." He muttered.

"Now what were you wanting again?" Cassi asked, drinking the Pepsi.

"The ship." Smith reminded her.

"You already have it." Sven told him, bluntly. "We don't want it."

"Information about the sinking." Andrews corrected, just as Smith was contemplating homicide.

"Why?" Cassi inquired, flatly. "You think it will make you feel better to know how you die?"

Siobhan and the rest of the group stared at her in shock. "No." Siobhan stated, through narrowed eyes.

"See? It won't." Sven told them. "So why should we tell you?"

"I meant no, he's **not** going to die!" Siobhan snapped with a glare.

"Well if you already knew, then why are you asking _us_?" Lucy pointed out, exasperated.

By this time, most of the group of children was now contemplating homicide, and were glaring at the three who would not stop joking around.

"**How can you sit there and joke about this as though it were **_**nothing**_?" Andrews suddenly shouted at them.

Sven glared and whacked Andrews on the head with a book that read, 'The Last Log of the Titanic' on the cover. "Cut the yelling!" She yelled at him. "I have a headache. I shoot people for yelling when I have a headache!"

Lowe was staring at the cover of the book in disbelief. That was the third book he'd seen that had something to do with the ship. He'd seen the one that Chris had been using and had no doubts as to what it was. "What's that?" He asked, trying to take it.

"A book." Sven informed him, snatching it back. "Noun. They have lots of paper in them with words on it. . . and I'm not finished with it, so you can't have it!"

"Just exactly what is it that you're not telling us about?" Moody demanded, as he noticed the book. "You're carrying around books on the ship, and everyone is saying it's going to sink."

"So it's going to sink." Lucy answered, sounding bored. "You happy? Now you know."

"Your turn." Andrews grumbled to Smith.

"We can't change the past." Cassi cut in. "The ship sinks, lots of people die. It can't be changed, so we didn't tell you. Do you have any idea what it would do to the future if we changed it? Some people are going to die. There's nothing to be done about it."

The group went to silence, considering this.

"And while we're laying blame and complaints here, why doesn't someone put that **kid** on a boat?" Cassi demanded, pointing at Moody. "He's younger than **I **am, for sobbing out loud!"

At this, Moody paled, and Lowe stared at Cassi in shock. What exactly was she saying?

"No." Siobhan said again, shaking her head.

Off to the side, Tommy was frowning. He'd already known when the ship was supposed to sink, so this didn't really surprise him. "Moody's _younger_ than you?" He asked, eyeing Cassi, who really didn't look very old. (no I don't, the age guesser thought I was 19. He said it was the hair)

Cassi gave a grin. "Thank you." She replied. "He's three years younger than me."

"So then Moody is-" Wilde began.

"Yeah, well we said Lights was the senior Officer's sole survivor." Sven pointed out. "So don't act so shocked. You're going to die, too."

"So then this is just so you can have a bit of fun with us before we _die_?" Lowe grumbled, glaring at them.

Sven rolled her eyes. "We? What we?" She quipped, flatly. "Speak for yourself, pal. _You_ lived."

"And I have to admit your testimony during the inquisition was the most entertaining of them all." Cassi added. "My favorite part was when they asked when you boarded the ship and you told them April 21st."

Moody choked on his drink, laughing, until Lowe elbowed him.

"Well, he corrected himself and said March 21st, but really we would have paid to see him board it in April." Sven retorted, snickering. "That must have been some swim, considering it sank on the 15th."

In spite of the fact that this was not happy news, more than a few people were laughing, and Lowe looked as if he wanted to crawl under a table.

"Then there was the iceberg question." Lucy put in.

Sven grinned. "What is an iceberg composed of?" She remarked, looking disgusted. "He told them, 'ice, I suppose.' And did it on purpose. It was a riot."

Siobhan blinked. "They actually _asked_ that?" She questioned, in disbelief.

"Yeah, the guy was an idiot." Cassi answered, with a shrug. "He asked a few more really cute ones, but we'll not mention that, as it's a rather grisly subject."

Just as the group was finally understanding this, Cassi and Sven put on sunglasses. "Ugh, migraines." Sven muttered, rubbing her temples. "The light is too bright in here."

Cassi nodded in agreement, and Lucy stood up to walk away. "I'll go see about the lights." She quickly stated, exiting.

"We'll help." Carter suddenly added, following her with Ardeth.

Before the group could even suspect what was going on, there was a bright flash. "Alright then." Agent J spoke up, removing his glasses. "The ship is not going to sink, it's unsinkable, nobody's going to die, and you are about to engage in an all-out paint war with the other kids and grown up crew." He informed them, before he walked off, with Cassi and Sven.

The children at the table blinked and shrugged, picking up their paint guns.

Lights and Murdoch exchanged a glance and made a hasty escape to get away from the kids.

**FUN FACT:**** This did not work as well on some of them as it did on others. Andrews did not remember us telling him anything about it, yet Lowe had that conversation concerning the iceberg with Siobhan in Steph's story. So some remember more than others, but mostly it is a distant thought in their minds that really isn't too important.**

**In case you're curious, Murdoch is the first one to remember what happened with the Youth Elixir. As you'll remember, the book is still in his room, and will still be there when we leave, but he'll find it too late to be of any use to them. **

Meanwhile, Carter and Ardeth had caught up with Cassi and Sven, who were headed to play somewhere else.

"Now about the curse on the ship." Ardeth spoke up, running to catch up with the pair.

"What curse?" Sven asked, innocently.

Carter stood in front of them. "You know what curse." He answered, pointedly. "The one in the Mail Hold."

"Didn't we tell you to stay away from there?" Sven told him, bluntly. "You know better than that!"

"What's in there?" Ardeth asked in a no-nonsense voice.

Cassi sighed. "Something very bad and evil that they were shipping to New York in secret." She informed them. "We won't go into it now and we won't go near it."

"We'll tell you when the spoof starts, otherwise you'll freak out and go join Imhotep." Sven replied.

Carter and Ardeth exchanged a glance and sighed. "Fair enough." Carter answered, with a nod. "We'll just stay away for now."

Ardeth nodded. "It's not as if we'd go near there anyway." He pointed out.

"You guys better call your troops." Cassi suggested. "The Officers are out for war."

Ardeth shrugged. "We don't need troops." He retorted, bluntly. "I can just transform people."

"Only within six feet, and they know that." Sven reminded him.

"Right, let's go." Carter answered, pulling Ardeth along.

* * *

At the table, the children, now holding their paint guns, looked around. "What just happened here?" Smith asked, slowly.

"I'm not sure." Andrews murmured, thoughtfully. "But I think our visitors just did something else."

"I would figure that was obvious." Wilde put in. "What were we doing again?"

"I think we were looking for Lights and the other adults to shoot paint at them." Moody reminded them.

Lowe nodded, frowning. There must have been something else they were doing, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember it. However, until he did, they might as well get back at Lights and Murdoch for not changing them back. "Lights and Murdoch went that way." He put in, pointing. "Let's go."

The others stood up and followed, each with his or her own doubts as to what had just occurred.

* * *

"What now?" Silver asked, following Sven and Cassi, while Amanda rushed to catch up, leaving Riddick to beat the crap out of some random steerage passenger that had been dumb enough to try to dance with Ask. Ask, herself, just stood by, watching.

Cassi turned to look. "Ouch. I'd hate to see what happens when someone comes to ask her out." She remarked, looking impressed.

"Not a pretty sight." Amanda informed her. "What's going on?"

"We need to go ix-nay on the ship sinking stories." Sven told them all. "Jay just made them all forget it."

"Oh, is _that_ what that big flashy thing was?" Emmy asked, considering it. "It was awful distracting."

"Anyhow, the kids are gonna be looking to splatter a few people with paint." Cassi went on. "So whomever doesn't wanna get covered, just snap your fingers or something. That actually works with us."

"Good idea." Amanda replied, eyeing the kids, who were getting up from the table. "They look like they're out for revenge."

"Shall we return to the bridge and be anti-social?" Sven asked, pointedly. "I was in the middle of a good part when they interrupted me, and I'm getting a headache."

"Looks like Fiddles has it covered here." Cassi agreed. "What do you guys wanna do?"

Emmy and Silver exchanged a glance. "I say we find Becca and Mid. I think they were with Captain Jack." Silver answered after a minute. "Becca was looking for the Heart of the Ocean."

"Too late." Lucy put in, joining them. She pulled the necklace out of her shirt and showed them. "Captain Jack gave it to me!"

"Hey not fair!" Silver complained.

"I made a copy for the safe, so you won't find the real one." Lucy informed them. "He gave it to me just when he..." She trailed off.

"When he what?" Emmy asked. "Don't leave us in suspense!"

Lucy dropped her voice to a whisper. "He asked me to **marry him**!" She squealed.

Silver and Emmy looked at each other. "_**NOT FAIR**_!" They cried in unison.

"Hey! Congrats!" Sven cried. "He's a really cute catch!"

Cassi grinned. "Saw it coming." She admitted. "So when are you doing it?"

Lucy stared at her. "But we've already-"

"The **wedding**!" Cassi cut in. "That last was way more info than I needed."

"Oh." Lucy mumbled, blushing. "Right. Um, I think he wanted to do it before the spoof of the movie starts. We were planning to spend our honeymoon on the new ship when you guys send it out to train the new Officers. Since Captain Jack is playing Wilde, he has to be there anyway."

"Yeah, I believe you're not the only ones who had that idea." Cassi informed the others.

"Really?" Amanda asked, amazed. "Who else is getting married?"

Cassi pulled out an invitation. "This was sent to the SpoofSet." She told them. "To invite all of us to the Castle at the Center of the Labyrinth, because Jareth and Sarah are finally getting married. The date is set for about three weeks from now. I was going to announce it when we got back to the set."

"Oh man, I was wondering when those two would finally get married." Amanda sighed, shaking her head.

"I think Langley mentioned something about Mulder and Scully getting married too, but they didn't say when." Sven put in. "I think they already _did_ get married."

"About time." Emmy murmured. "Those two have been a couple for a long time now."

Lucy sighed. "Cool, I'll have to call Sarah." She said, dreamily. "We can go together to pick out our wedding gowns. I was thinking something Elfish, like that dress that Legolas gave Tara."

"Oh, that would be totally cool!" Silver cried, excitedly. "You should make it blue and white to match the necklace!"

Lucy grinned. "Definitely." She went on, with a dreamy look on her face.

"Not to interrupt the happy news, but we'd better get back to the bridge so we can find out what everyone's been up to." Sven reminded them.

"Might as well go with you." Emmy told her, following. "We can look at the cameras and see where Captain Jack went with Becca and Mid."

"Personally, I want to see what happens when the passengers drink that wine we tampered." Amanda confessed, grinning.

"What did you do to it?" Cassi asked, not having seen that.

"Dor and Irene switched it for Boot Rear and Club Soda." Amanda answered with a giggle. "And then Riddick and I dropped my sea-sickness pills into them."

"Oooh, that one should be an interesting scene." Remarked Sven, with a snicker.


	13. The Toilet Contamination Arguement

**CHAPTER TWELVE: **_**"DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CREW & FIRST CLASS TOILET CONTAMINATION"**_

Back up in First Class, Lightoller and Murdoch quickly ducked past the "Rat Incident" restaurant, not bothering to look inside.

"Where are we supposed to go to now?" Murdoch asked, pointedly as they looked around for the members of the crew that were more than likely still looking for them.

Lights looked down at his clothing. "First of all, I think we should find a change of clothing while we're still adults." He replied, poking at the paint on his clothes. "These bright colors stand out too well. If we get changed back again, they'll find us for sure."

Murdoch nodded, and they headed in the direction of the Officers' Quarters. "How easily do you suppose this stuff is to get out of clothing and off skin?" He asked as they ducked around the corner to avoid several crew members.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Lights whispered back. "Clothing, I have no idea. The paint on my hands has been peeling off, so I don't suppose it's hard to get off skin."

Murdoch nodded, and rubbed at his arm as they continued walking. "You're right." He remarked. "But something tells me it won't be easy to get it out of clothes."

Lights sighed. "Fabulous." He muttered. "That **was** my good coat."

"Mine as well." Murdoch sighed. "Although they did say they could put everything back. Maybe that means clothes too?"

"Let's hope so." Lights replied, as they reached the enclosed Officer's Quarters area. "I don't think I can afford another good coat."

* * *

Down below, the other Officers turned children had been forced to split up and leave the party. A rather large group of crew members, led by Quartermaster Hitchens looking very strange, who had apparently been freed from the post he'd been tied to, had arrived, spotting all of them in one place. Captain Smith had been the one who suggested they separate and run for it.

That was how Moody, Lowe, and Siobhan found themselves headed down Scotland Road.

Lowe blinked as he stared at the walls. "This is unbelievable." He moaned. "Who do you suppose did this?"

Moody stared at the designs. "Well, their art really isn't bad, I must admit...but this-" He trailed off.

"I think we'd better keep Uncle Thomas out of here." Siobhan put in, shaking her head. "He would not take this well."

"That's an understatement." Lowe remarked with a snort.

"They never said they were painting on the walls." Moody put in, frowning. "What else do you suppose we were never told?"

The three seemed to think a bit, all sensing that there was something they had missed somewhere, but none of them seemed to remember what it was.

"**There!**" A voice shouted from the end of the hall. "I've found some of them!"

Moody grabbed the other two by their arms. "Time to run."

"Wait." Lowe ordered, as he rooted in the bag on his shoulder, pulling out three paint guns. "Aim for the faces, it may slow them down."

"Good idea." Siobhan remarked, taking aim.

As predicted, the front two men quickly covered their faces a second too late and stumbled to the floor, causing the three behind them to fall over them.

"This way!" Moody cried, pulling them quickly around a corner. "Keep running. The more corners we turn, the less their chances are at catching us!"

* * *

Thomas Andrews dropped to the deck, panting and Pitman and Wilde collapsed beside him. "That's it." Andrews moaned. "I can't run anymore. Someone just let me die."

"I think perhaps I may join you." Wilde groaned, clutching his side.

The trio had just escaped a large group of crewmen that were lead by the Master At Arms, who had been apparently freed from whatever had been keeping him in his quarters.

"Where did Captain Smith go?" Pitman asked, letting his head fall back against the wall.

"Off with Mr. Dawson and Miss Rose, I think." Andrews replied as he caught his breath.

Wilde sighed. "What did they do?" He spat out. "Just tell the entire crew to look for us?"

"I think that may be what happened." Pitman remarked, now laying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Wilde shook his head and looked down at his clothes, still riddled with nail holes, then eyed Pitman's neon green streaked uniform. "It may help if we could change clothes." He suggested. "Then we'd blend in with the other children passengers on the ship."

"Well true." Andrews admitted, glancing down at his suit. "However, what happens when we get changed back? Are we still wearing children's clothes?"

Pitman made a face. "Maybe we can just try to clean ourselves up a bit."

Andrews suddenly covered Pitman's mouth and dropped his voice to a whisper. "I think I hear them again."

Wilde frowned and cocked his head toward the noise. "Where do we go?" He asked, quietly. "I really doubt I can run very far right now."

"What do you suppose they do if they catch us?" Pitman put in, just as quietly. "Put us in irons?"

Wilde rolled his eyes. "They can't." He snorted. "We're too small. We'd just pull them back off. They'd have to just lock us up somewhere and watch us."

Andrews shrugged. "We could always just escape again."

The other two seemed to think about it.

"Oh bloody hell, why not?" Wilde finally spat out. "Besides, I'm starved and they'll have to feed us anyway."

"Good point." Pitman agreed.

Giving up, the three continued to sit in the hall as Thomas King and his assistants surrounded them.

As the crew members escorted them toward the now-abandoned bridge, the three children exchanged a glance. "Ask if they have tea." Andrews remarked to Wilde.

"And food." Pitman added.

* * *

Meanwhile still down in the steerage party, Whiplash was now dancing in the middle of the floor with Teri, showing off new moves to the passengers.

"You know, this has got to be the most fun I've had here yet." Tommy remarked to Fabri. "Now if I was a bit older, it might be more fun."

"Well, you could see if anyone's got one of those guns." Fabri suggested, looking around. "Most of them are still here." Then he jumped as a hand touched his shoulder.

As the two turned around, they were met with a small blond girl, who was grinning ear to ear. "Fabrizio?" She asked in a Scandinavian accent.

Fabri's face lit up as he recognized the woman who'd stolen his heart. "Helga!" He exclaimed. "Dance?"

She nodded and the pair of children headed for the dance floor.

Watching them leave, Tommy shook his head, laughing. "I guess everyone has their own priorities."

* * *

**WARNING:**** Beware of First Class Five Year old Spoiled Brats**

On the Bridge, Pitman, Andrews and Wilde had been met with Jack Thayer, Molly Brown, Caledon Hockley, and Sir Archibald Gracie, all seated in chairs, and all five years old.

Andrews sighed. "I see they're still shooting people with magic water." He remarked.

The group looked up.

"I wasn't shot." Cal corrected. "Some little girl touched me."

The trio exchanged a glance. "A _girl_?" Andrews asked. "Are you sure?" He remembered Rose mentioning a boy had changed her, but no one had mentioned anything about a girl who could do the same.

"I know a girl when I see one." Cal retorted with a snort. "A little girl with black hair, and she had four boys with her." (Yves Adele Harlow has the Xanth talent to change age in any living thing...and the boys with her are obviously Jimmy and the Gunmen)

"Must be some we haven't met yet." Wilde remarked with a shrug. "They never did say how many people they brought with them."

Cal rolled his eyes. "I don't suppose we're allowed to know when things go back to normal." He muttered.

"They didn't say." Pitman informed him.

"So what? Until they leave, we're **stuck** up here?" Molly asked, pointedly. "I didn't buy my ticket to be forced to sit on the bridge all day!"

Wilde rolled his eyes. "You're breaking my heart." He quipped. "Some of us spend **most** of the voyage on the bridge."

"Well yes, but then you're being_ paid_ to stand on the bridge." Jack Thayer reminded him. "We're not."

"Absolutely." Cal agreed. "I shelled out money for an expensive suite in First Class, and I expect to be _treated_ like First Class!" He looked over where Quartermaster Rowe was standing behind the wheel. "Let us out of here, or I'll inform the White Star Line, and you're out of work!"

Rowe turned around and eyed the children. "Until we know for sure what's going on, we're keeping **any** crew and passengers who have been changed into children where we can see them!" He snapped, glaring at them.

Molly shook her head and gave a scoff. "If this is how they treat the First Class, aren't we glad we didn't go for the _lower _classes?"

"Here, here." Gracie chuckled.

Andrews chewed his lip, thinking of another approach. "I have to use the lavatory!" He proclaimed.

The others looked at him for a second.

"I do too!" Molly put in.

"Yes, I have to go too." Jack added. "We've been here for ages, and I **really** have to go!"

Rowe stared at them. "There's a crew lavatory up here!" He informed them.

"I don't want to use **that** one!" Cal spat out, crossing his arms. "That's for _**crew**_! I want to use the **First Class** lavatory in my **suite**!"

"That's right!" Molly agreed. "We don't want the crew to contaminate us!"

"Exactly." Andrews went on. "As a First Class Passenger, I _demand_ the right to use the First Class lavatory!"

Wilde and Pitman looked at each other, laughing. Siobhan was going to _love_ hearing about this stunt.

"Well, I have to go too." Wilde remarked, going along with the others. "But I have to use the **Officer's** lavatory!"

Rowe stared at the children and looked, for lack of a better description, as if he wanted to strangle every one of them.

* * *

Back around the corner, near their Quarters, having just changed clothes, Lights and Murdoch exchanged a glance.

This sounded like it was going to be interesting.

Lights put a finger to his lips, and motioned for them to head the other direction, away from the Bridge.

Murdoch nodded and followed. It was now time for some more mischief.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the wireless room, Jack Phillips and Harold Bride were completely unaware of what had been going on all over the ship. Unaware, that is of all except the fact that they were locked in their quarters, and some strange American man was now working the wireless, and they were somehow changed into children.

Bride sighed and flopped to the floor. "I give up." He muttered, shaking his head. "We'll never get out of here."

Phillips made a face. "I think we should keep trying." He replied, trying to pull Bride off the floor. "It shouldn't be long before someone realizes something's wrong in here."

"We've been in here for hours and the only one who knows we're here is that man out there." Bride reminded him. "Not one person has even come to check on us!"

Phillips flopped down on his bunk. "Well, look at the bright side." He answered, wryly. "He's the one stuck with all those messages from the Passengers and we can finally get some rest."

Bride rolled his eyes. "As if I'm going to get any rest worrying about **this**!" He snapped, with a groan. "Have you looked in the mirror? What are we supposed to **do**!"

"I haven't the slightest clue." Phillips admitted with a sigh. "But I think we can assume that if not one person has even checked on us since this happened, there might actually be more going on here."

Bride sat up with a frown. "That's a good point." He replied, thinking about it. "Usually, we don't go five minutes without having **some** message needing to be wired."

"Not only that, not one of the Officers nor the Captain have been in here at all." Phillips pointed out. "They always come in here on their watches!"

"Do you suppose they're in the same fix as we are?" Bride asked, in a worried tone.

Phillips chewed his lip. "I hate to think it, but I'm afraid you're probably right."

Bride flopped back to the floor. "Unfortunately that still leaves one question unanswered." He spoke up, frustrated. "We **still** don't know how to get out of here!"

Losing his temper, Phillips jumped up from the bed, and started pounding on the door. "HEY! LET US OUT OF HERE YOU [very bad word five year olds shouldn't be using]!" He shouted.

"You didn't say please." A completely different English voice answered, casually.

Bride frowned, staring at Phillips. "PLEASE!" He shouted, rolling his eyes.

"Ask really nice." The American man called out.

Phillips gritted his teeth. "I'm going to kill 'im."

"Please may we get out of here now?" Bride asked as nice as possibly.

Phillips rolled his eyes, clearly doubting this would actually happen.

"Okay." The Englishman answered, opening the door.

The two wireless operators turned children stared openmouthed at the two men.

"Are you going or staying?" The English one asked.

"Children these days...never can make up their minds." The American one put in. "I told you they didn't want out, Murdoc."

"Oh what do you know about kids MacGyver?" The English one spat out. "Your son is 18! I actually had a five year old once, and she never _could _make up her mind what she wanted."

Phillips and Bride stood blinking in shock.

"Well!" The one called Murdoc spoke up, annoyed. "Go on, then! Get lost and go break something nice and expensive like good little children." He pulled the two out of the room and shoved them out into the hall, slamming the door behind them.

The boys exchanged a glance. "Well...at least we got out." Bride spoke up quietly.

They looked up at the sound of footsteps and nearly jumped out of their skins as Lightoller and Murdoch came into view.

Lights frowned, seeing the two children outside the wireless room. "Sparks, is that _you_?"

Bride sighed and nodded. "What in heaven's name is going on here?"

At a sound behind them, Murdoch's head whipped around. "We have to get out of here, Lights. That's Hitchens, and we're not exactly on his good side right now." He warned.

"Right." Lights agreed. "You grab one, I'll get the other, and we'll explain things on the way. If we leave them, they'll be stuck on the Bridge with the others."

With this, each Officer grabbed one of the two children, and both ran for it.


	14. Ignore the Rat Guts and eat your lunch

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN **_**"IGNORE THE RAT GUTS AND EAT YOUR LUNCH"**_

Up on A Deck, Lowe, Moody, and Siobhan collapsed to the floor, panting.

"Well, we got away, but that's not going to hold them off forever." Lowe managed to remark, catching his breath. "We've got to find a place to hide."

"I can make a dumb suggestion." Siobhan spoke up, holding up a key. "Uncle Thomas's room is bound to be the last place they'd look for us."

"I really like you, Siobhan." Moody answered, sighing. "I bet he's got food in there too."

Lowe gave his best friend a mock punch in the arm. "Hey, she's with me!"

Siobhan laughed. "Shall we go find a spot to rest?" She questioned, jumping up.

The three children headed off down the hall, stopping outside Thomas Andrews' stateroom.

Once inside, they were met with the strangest sight. Three people were sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by blueprints, and looking up with guilty looks.

Two were both blue skinned and fuzzy with pointed ears, and long tails, and the other was a woman with dark hair, in a black leather outfit.

"You're the ones who rescued Miss Rose's mother." Moody remarked, staring.

"Zhat vould be me." The older of the blue ones informed them, in a thick German accent. "Kurt Vagner. Zhis is Kitty Pryde and Kurt 2."

Siobhan stared at the blueprints. "What are you doing with those?" She asked, suspiciously.

The three exchanged a glance. "Just looking." Kitty answered, seriously. "Nothing bad, really. We're just getting to know the layout of the ship."

"I see." Siobhan replied, considering it. "Why?"

"Vell, ve need to know zhe layout vell in order to teleport around it." The older Kurt explained. "Ozhervise ve could vind up stuck in a vall somevhere, and zhat vould be bad."

"Why would you need to teleport around it?" Lowe asked, pointedly.

Again, the three exchanged a glance. "Ve get paged a lot for transporting and such." The younger Kurt answered, completely honest. "In order to transport people to different areas of zhe ship, ve have to know vhere to go to, and vhere to go after ve get zhere."

"Oh." The three children nodded.

"So what are you doing here?" Kitty asked, with an eyebrow raised.

"This is my Uncle's room." Siobhan informed them. "We came here to hide from the crew."

"Well, I can take you wherever you need to go." Kitty suggested. "They won't catch me."

"You teleport too?" Moody asked, staring.

Kitty grinned. "Well no. That's Nightcrawler's area of expertise." She answered, standing up. "I'm called Shadowcat."

The children frowned. "Why?"

Kitty grinned again and walked past them toward the door, and much to their surprise, she continued walking straight through the door, returning some five seconds later. "How's that?"

"Wow." Moody remarked, impressed. This was something they hadn't seen yet. "So how do you take others with you?"

"Just physical contact." Kitty answered, matter-of-factly. "Anything I touch."

"Right, you go play vizh zhe kids vhile ve get zhis important vork done." The older Kurt told her, rolling his eyes.

"Give me a break." Kitty remarked, pointedly. "I don't have to know the layout. I just walk through the walls."

"Okay." The older Kurt answered with an evil smirk, pulling out a water balloon. "Have fun!" With this, he threw the balloon on her.

Kitty, now as old as the other children glared at the two Kurts, who were laughing. "You're going to pay for this Kurt!"

The two just continued laughing.

Kitty, fuming, took the hands of Lowe and Moody, and Lowe in turn, took Soibhan's hand. "Let's go." She spat out, turning and walking all three of them through the walls of the neighboring staterooms.

Kurt 2 looked over at his older counterpart. "Good thing zhey veren't too curious." He commented.

Kurt shook his head. "Keep going through zhe blueprints." He ordered. "Ve have to know zhis ship backwards and forwards if ve're going to get those people out before zhis mess sinks."

"How many do you sink ve can save?" Kurt 2 asked, worried.

"Ve're not zhe only vones coming in here." Kurt assured him. "Ve're just zhe only vones who are teleporting here. If ve go fast enough, ve can save quite a lot. Besides, zhe dead vones, zhey can just bring back anyvay."

"Oh...okay." Kurt 2 replied, sounding relieved. "Now I feel better."

* * *

"Do you get sick easily?" Lights asked five year old Harold Bride when he and Murdoch had slowed to a walk.

Bride looked weary. "That depends. Why?"

"Well, the only place I can think of that no crew is going to want to go for a while is the Verandah Cafe." Lights informed him, while Murdoch made a face.

Phillips, catching sight of the look frowned. "Alright, so what happened in there?" He asked, suspiciously.

"They had a rat problem, and due to the um...security people of our current visitors, the rats got a little...eh...squashed." Murdoch explained.

"And splattered all over the walls." Lights finished.

Bride and Phillips stared and looked disgusted.

"If you don't get sick that easy, we can talk in there and not get caught." Lights went on. "If not, I suppose we'll take our chances, but pretty much the entire crew is looking for us and anyone changed into a child."

Bride sighed, and shrugged. "I'm fine with dead rats, as long as there's no live ones in there." He answered.

Phillips made a face. "As long as we don't sit in rat parts, I don't care." He replied, pointedly. "I just want to know what's going on here. That man in the Marconi shack didn't tell us anything; just sprayed us with water and locked us up."

"This way." Murdoch answered, headed into the cafe.

"Still messy in there." A small lizard-like creature in the doorway commented.

"Not a problem, Timmy." Lights remarked, leading the children in. "Just as long as there's a place to sit without any mess on it."

"Yeah, go on in the back." Timmy told them, pointing. "Most of the goo is in the front, but we're taking care of it."

Bride and Phillips stared at the little creatures that were all over the place, literally eating rat parts off the seats and floor.

"Ugh." Phillips grunted, looking away.

"Told you it was bad." Murdoch reminded him.

"Not that bad." Bride commented. "I've seen much worse. Although I seriously don't think I can eat in the First Class any time soon."

"Me neither." Phillips added, making a face, as they sat down at a table in the back, grabbing two bar stools for the children.

"So what's going on?" Bride asked, setting his elbows on the table. "Apart from people being changed into children."

"As for children, they've got all the rest of the Officers, Captain Smith, some of the passengers, including Mr. Andrews, and quite a few of their own people." Murdoch informed them.

"And "they" are-?" Phillips questioned, pointedly.

"Cassi, Sven, Becca, Amanda, and whoever they've got assisting them." Lights answered. "I don't know who they are or where they come from but they're the ring-leaders of this whole mess."

The two Officers continued to explain the events of the past few hours, including all the pranks, which caused a great deal of laughter from the two children, especially learning of the pranks played on Ismay.

In the middle of a discussion of the party in Steerage, they were interrupted by Timmy Compy, who jumped up on the table, wearing a waiter's outfit, and holding a small notebook.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked politely.

The group stared at him.

"What exactly do you have in there?" Lights asked.

"Whatever you want." Timmy answered. "We have drinks, and food in there and plenty to go around. The Jawas are cooking."

"The what!" Bride asked, staring.

"You'll figure it out as we go." Murdoch answered, shrugging. "Do you have a menu?"

Timmy clapped his hands, and a Jawa came out, holding a menu. "Dink dink." The Jawa replied, handing it to Murdoch.

"Anything to drink?" Timmy asked.

"Get me one of those Pepsi's." Lights answered.

"Water for me." Murdoch replied.

Bride and Phillips exchanged a glance. "Water." They both answered.

"Right away." Timmy informed them, skittering away.

"Alright, that was a little strange." Bride spoke up, shaking his head.

"Are we supposed to **eat** in here now!" Phillips managed to ask.

Bride considered this, then snatched the menu. "I haven't eaten since breakfast." He stated, opening it. "I'm starving, with or without the rat parts around."

Lights shrugged. "Yes, I suppose it's better than listening to Cassi and the others have their dinner conversations." He pointed out. "I say let's eat."

Murdoch sighed. "Good point." He agreed. "Besides, I've seen much worse in the crew's galley on some other ships."

Phillips sighed. "I'll have the chicken sandwich." He announced, giving in.

* * *

On the back end of the ship, Becca, Silver, Emmy, and Mid finally slowed down. They had separated themselves from the others and headed for the back, carrying several bags of spray paint.

Mid leaned over the side, looking at where the name of the ship was painted in large white letters. "Who do you suppose named the town _Liverpool_?" She asked, making a face. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but that **really** doesn't sound like a place I'd like to live in." (no offense for English people intended...this is only a harmless crack)

"Liver...pool." Becca repeated, wrinkling her nose. "As in pools of _liver_! Freaky."

"I think we should definitely paint over that." Silver put in, shaking her head. "That's really nasty."

"What have you got in mind, Becca?" Emmy asked, hooking a climber's rope to the rail.

Becca shrugged. "Bumper sticker?"

"Like Spaceballs?" Mid suggested.

"Good one!" Silver cried, with an evil look. "'We break for nobody..."

"Including icebergs." Becca added. "Or something to that extent, anyway."

Emmy nodded, handing out climbing harnesses. "Let's get to it, shall we?"

Crossing the Auxiliary Bridge (which is really a kind of catwalk on the back of the ship) Captain Smith stood crouched down with Rose and Jack.

"What are they _do_ing!" Rose asked, more to herself, as they watched part of the group jump off the back with their ropes.

"I don't know and honestly, I don't think I **want** to know." Smith remarked, making a face.

"I think they're repainting the back." Jack spoke up, frowning.

"In that case, I **really** don't want to know." The Captain cut in, pulling them along. "Let's get out of here before the Quartermaster returns to his post."

"Who's on duty now that isn't a five year old?" Rose asked, pointedly.

"I'm not sure if they got the Quartermasters or not, and I have no idea who's on duty anymore." Smith answered, sighing. "They've really ruined this ship, haven't they?"

Jack made a face. "Well, more the First Class then the other places."

"Except that party downstairs." Rose reminded him.

"Nah, they have parties down there all the time." Jack informed her. "Although they're not usually **that** rowdy."

Captain Smith sighed. "I wonder who's on the bridge." He remarked, considering this. "Those two who were up there, including that one who looked like Mr. Lowe are both in Steerage."

"Do you wanna go check?" Jack questioned. "We can go up there."

Smith stared at him. "I don't have to." He informed them, climbing up the rail and picking up the phone. "All I have to do is ask. We can be long gone before they can get back here."

Rose grinned. "Good point." She replied, watching the Captain dial up the Bridge.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Crows nest, Dana and Rosa Raptor stood, looking around the ocean ahead.

"How come you s'posed they don't have crows up here?" Rosa asked, wrinkling her nose. "I could have used a snack."

Dana sighed. "This has got to be the most mind-numbingly dullest job on the planet." she complained. "We really could use a coffee machine up here."

"And crows." Rosa added. "Write that down, Dana, they can put it on the new ship."

Dana quickly jotted down the suggestions, and leaned against the rail. "Wait, didn't you say Andrews was on the Bridge?"

"Yeah." Rosa answered, matter-of-factly. "I saw them when they came in. But of course they can't see us."

Dana rolled her eyes. "Humans and their underdeveloped eyesight."

"No wonder this mess sinks." Rosa put in, looking bored. "Perhaps we should call them and ask Andrews to put a coffee pot on the list of things needing to be improved."

Dana squinted at the water. "What were our directions?"

"We were told to call the bridge if we see anything floating ahead." Rosa reminded her.

"What's that?" Dana asked.

Rosa looked over where her cousin pointed. "Looks like a clump of seaweed."

"It's floating in front of us." Dana insisted.

"Right." Rosa answered and rang the bell three times to signal an object ahead, and Dana picked up the phone to call the bridge.

"Hello!" Dana sang out, after hearing someone pick up. "Yes, is this the bridge?...The LOOKOUT, who else would ring the bell!" She spat out. "Ugh, humans are so stupid."

Rosa rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, there's a really big clump of seaweed about two miles in front of us." Dana informed him.

After a second, her face changed. "Oh YEAH? Well same to ya, buddy-boy! If I weren't told to keep a lookout up here, I'd come down and **eat** you!" Dana shouted into the phone. "Don't think I can't see you from up here, because we Raptors have **binocular** vision!"

"Bunch of rude ungrateful puny little humans." Rosa grumbled.

Dana frowned, hearing an argument. "Hey, if that's Mr. Andrews, put him on the phone!" She cried into the mouthpiece. "We need to talk to him."

The two waited a moment.

"Hello? Is this Mr. Andrews?" Dana asked. "Oh, Mr. Wilde...right you're the Chief...he is! Oh good, can you give him a message for me?...Right yeah, this is for his writing down stuff about the ship that need improvements...yes. Tell him to write this down."

* * *

On the bridge, Andrews was staring at Wilde. "They want **what**?"

"They want a coffee machine in the crow's nest." Wilde informed him.

"Don't they want binoculars?" Pitman asked, curiously.

"No." Wilde answered. "Apparently they have binocular vision already. They called to say there's a large clump of seaweed in front of us."

Off to the side, the first class passengers turned children started giggling.

"We better turn." Molly remarked seriously. "We don't wanna hit that."

"Of course, thank you very much." Wilde remarked into the phone. "That was the Quartermaster, he's not really very good at this job yet. Don't worry about it. You just keep up the good work." He paused, then made a face. "I'll let him know...right. Thank you." He hung up the phone.

"What was that?" Andrews asked, raising an eyebrow.

"They want you to have crows in the crow's nest." Wilde informed him. "Apparently they haven't eaten all day."

Andrews made a face. "Right."

"You told them to keep up the good work!" Rowe spat out glaring.

Wilde shook his head. "Look, I don't know what they've done with the look outs, but from what they say they have **much** better eyesight and they don't need binoculars! They're probably the best look outs we _could_ have!" He retorted, pointedly.

"Besides, if they're up there, they're not eating people or anything else around the ship." Andrews pointed out, sensibly.

The ringing of the phone interrupted them again.

"If that's about a floating piece of driftwood-" Rowe started muttering.

"Bridge." Wilde answered, picking it up. "Captain! This is Chief Officer Wilde."

"Let me have that." Rowe ordered.

Wilde turned around. "I beg your pardon, _Quartermaster_ _**I **_happen to be your superior Officer, and I also believe this is **my **shift as Officer of the Watch anyway." He snapped, turning back to the phone. "Yes sir. The insane people have abandoned the bridge. Unless of course you count Quartermaster Rowe."

This prompted more giggles amongst the children on the Bridge.

Wilde paused, listening. "Myself, Officer Pitman, Mr. Andrews, Mr. Hockley, Mr. Thayer jr, Mrs. Brown, Col Gracie, and Quartermaster Rowe." He stated.

"Let me talk to him." Rowe demanded.

Wilde moved away. "Yes, **I **know the passengers aren't supposed to be on the bridge, sir, but Quartermaster Rowe insists that as they are children now, they are to be imprisoned here."

"Tell him they won't let us use the lavatory!" Jack Thayer called. "Make him let us go!"

Wilde covered the phone. "Captain Smith says the passengers have no business being on the Bridge with the exception of Mr. Andrews, and you're supposed to be on the Auxiliary Bridge!"

Rowe rolled his eyes. "No I'm not." He retorted, pointedly. "**Bright** is supposed to be on the Auxiliary Bridge. I'm not even supposed to be on duty yet! Now let me talk to the Captain!"

Wilde stared at the phone. "He hung up on me."

Rowe snatched the phone. "Captain?"

"I **said** he hung up on me!" Wilde reminded him.

Rowe replaced the phone and eyed the five year old in Officer's clothing. "And how exactly do I even know that **was** the Captain?" He remarked, pointedly.

Wilde stared at him. "Are you calling me a _liar, __**Quartermaster!**__**?**_" He shouted, glaring.

"Oooh, somebody's in trouble." Molly sang out.

Rowe didn't even blink. He picked Wilde up and plopped him into a chair. "At this point in time, you're not even old enough to be the Officer of the Watch, _sir_, and as the Captain, as far as I know is also still a child, I don't take orders from either of you! You and all of them **stay here**!"

"Where did Mr. Andrews and Mr. Pitman go?" Col Gracie asked, looking around.

Rowe instantly turned and checked the bridge, as Wilde's face took on an evil grin.

As soon as the Quartermaster turned his back, Wilde slipped the balloon out of his pocket. Andrews had given it to him for safe-keeping earlier, and up until now, he'd completely forgotten it.

"What's that?" Cal asked, frowning, noticing the grin on the face of the Chief Officer.

Rowe turned around, just as the balloon impacted with his shirt, drenching him with water. The Quartermaster was a child before he even realized what hit him.

Wilde stared. He'd been expecting paint.

"Nice shot!" Molly cried, whacking Wilde on the back.

"Does that mean we can get out of here now?" Jack Thayer put in. "Because I really **do **have to use the lavatory!"

Hearing the commotion, Andrews and Pitman came running back toward the Bridge, to see the newest development.

"That balloon had the magic water in it?" Andrews asked, staring.

"Apparently it did." Wilde responded, as Rowe glared at him.

"Darn." Pitman muttered. "We _would_ find out **now**! We could have changed ourselves **back** with the thing!"

The Passengers stared at him.

"What?" Pitman asked.

"You _knew_ how to change us back?" Cal spoke up, not looking very happy.

"Not you, really." Andrews informed him. "You said a little girl changed you. So I don't think the rules are the same for you. But the rest of us, it takes another hit with that magic water to change us back."

"Nice of you to tell us that **now**!" Jack Thayer remarked, sighing.

"Well, we didn't know that balloon had the water in it." Pitman reminded them. "Most of them had paint in them."

"Explains where all the paint came from." Cal muttered. "What are we supposed to say to people we pass?"

"Tell them to go back to their rooms or they have a chance at being in the same fix." Wilde informed him, bluntly. "Anyone standing around on deck is apparently fair game."

"I think I'd better find Rose then." Cal remarked more to himself.

"They already got Rose." Andrews informed him, with a sigh. "She had a little dark skinned boy with tattoos on his face change her. I tried to stop her, but couldn't get there fast enough. The same is true for that Dawson boy."

"She's with **him**!" Cal spat out, staring.

"She's also with the Captain." Wilde cut in before there could be bloodshed. "He said they were on the Auxiliary Bridge when he called."

"So that was the Captain then?" Molly questioned, eyeing Rowe.

"Of **course** it was!" Wilde snapped. "I don't usually lie about things like that!"

"I say let's get out of here." Col. Gracie spoke up, drawing their attention. "As soon as the others find out what's going on up here, they'll be after us all."

"You're supposed to stay up here!" Rowe insisted.

"I don't take orders from five year olds, especially when they are of lower rank than I am!" Pitman retorted with a smirk.

"Besides, that rule of keeping children up here now applies to **you** as well!" Wilde reminded him. "You have no choice but to join us."

"Didn't you say you were on duty now?" Rowe reminded Wilde.

"Didn't you just say I was too young to be Officer of the Watch?" Wilde smirked back.

"I believe **I **am currently acting as the Captain." Another voice spoke up behind them.

The group turned to stare at the man on the Bridge, who looked exactly like the Captain with the exception of the strange differences in his hair and beard.

"And you are-?" Rowe asked, staring. He had not yet met Theodin, although he had heard rumors of a man impersonating the Captain.

"Theodin, Retired King of Rohan." The man replied, politely. "I'm filling in for the Captain, and that makes **me** the Officer of the Watch."

"That means we can leave?" Jack Thayer questioned, looking uncomfortable.

"Of course." Theodin answered, matter-of-factly. "You may go use the lavatory now, and the rest of you, get going."

Jack jumped up, and left looking for the nearest lavatory, which turned out to be the crew's lavatory, despite the fuss he had made earlier.

"Come on, Henry." Pitman spoke up, urgently. "Let's get out of here before the rest of the crew finds out about Rowe."

Wilde nodded to Theodin, and left the Bridge with the others, stopping, of course, outside the lavatory to wait for Mr. Thayer.

"Anyone else have to go while we're here?" Andrews asked, looking around.

"I'll wait until we get to the First Class lavatories." Cal insisted.

Wilde rolled his eyes, and headed into the lavatory, shaking his head.

"Where do we go now?" Pitman asked, pointedly. "They're going to be looking for us."

"I have a large suite on B-Deck." Cal reminded them. "We can stop there for a while."

The others stared at him. "You don't mind the Officers contaminating your First Class room?" Pitman remarked, sounding amused.

"You'd rather I changed my mind?" Cal retorted.

"Good a place as any." Molly answered. "My room's a lot farther away."

"Mine as well." Andrews answered with a sigh. "Let's go before they come catch us."

Rowe sighed, as the others came out of the lavatory, and the group turned toward Mr. Hockley's Suite. As much as he hated to admit it, the others were right. He had no choice but to join the ranks of the other children.


	15. The Indefatigable Arrives

**And I've made this extra long for those who have been waiting for it to be updated. Thanks if you're still here. ;)**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN **_**"THE INDEFATIGABLE ARRIVES"**_

Meanwhile in the North Atlantic, in the year 1798, a very familiar presence appeared on the deck of the Indy. Julian was still wearing his Lieutenant's uniform that he'd worn the last time he'd hijacked this ship, but this time, he had made no move to disguise who he was.

From the quarter deck, Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower caught a glint of sun off the Shadow Man's white colored hair. His eyes widened and he quickly elbowed his Captain. "Sir." He spoke up quietly.

Pellew turned, and, upon seeing the face of his Lieutenant, followed his gaze. "Oh not _him_ again." Sir Edward grumbled.

Hearing their conversation, Julian turned and offered a salute. "Nice to see you again too." He remarked, ignoring the groaning of the men behind him.

"And what is it you want_ this_ time?" Pellew demanded.

The man's grin widened and blinked. Within that split second the shadows around the ship changed, as did the weather. He continued to hold the Captain's gaze.

From his place on the lower deck, Archie Kennedy looked around. "Not again." He groaned.

Breaking the stare, Pellew scanned the sky around him. "We're still in the North Atlantic." He remarked, turning back to Julian. "But you've done something else."

"Very good." Julian responded, turning to look at the others in the crew. "Your presence is requested aboard a very large passenger ship. Cassi, Sven, Amanda and Becca are already on board as are a lot of others. They have taken it over completely and most of the Officers are five year olds with the exception of the two who have joined our side."

"Requested?" Sir Edward inquired. "As you've already brought us here, I don't see that we have much of a choice."

"Actually I'll bring you back if you're not interested, but you might want to take at least a look first." Julian went on, blinking again.

"Bloody hell!" Styles exclaimed looking up at the ship that made the Indy as well as the _Black Pearl_, which could be seen attached to the ship by a tow rope, look like bathtub toys.

"Sir, _Black Pearl_ is signaling!" Matthews announced.

The others, staring at the huge metal mass of the ship that had appeared before them.

Sir Edward, hearing Matthews, turned with his spyglass to read the signals from the pirate vessel. "Shorten sail!" He thundered. "And stay back away from that thing!"

Archie quickly approached the Quarterdeck. "What is she saying, sir?"

"We are to hang back, and connect by rope to the _Black Pearl_." Pellew stated so all the Officers could hear him. "Do not attempt to go near the larger ship or we face the danger of being pulled into a collision."

"Liverpool?" Archie commented, noticing the writing on the back end of the ship. "That's a British ship."

Horatio and the Captain stared.

"We are in the North Atlantic following the Royal Mail Ship, _Titanic_." Julian told them. "And the year is now 1912. Try to ignore the women painting on the back up there."

"What's that they're writing?" Horatio questioned.

Julian looked up. "It says '_We break for nothing; especially icebergs_.'"

Sir Edward and Horatio exchanged a glance.

"Do I want to know what that means?" Pellew asked.

"Probably not." Julian replied. "But I'll tell you anyway. _Titanic_ is on her maiden voyage. They bragged that God Himself couldn't sink this ship. So on April 14, 1912, this ship on her maiden voyage hits an iceberg and sinks, killing over 1500 people because there was not enough lifeboats for all, nor did they have the time to launch them if they _had_ had them. Cassi is spoofing the story and they're up there to get the ship's layout and blue prints so they can not only build a replica but so they can come in when the berg hits and save as many people as they can."

"And when exactly is this ship supposed to sink?"

"Not until tomorrow night." Julian answered. "But actually it's in a time warp and not going anywhere at the moment, so it's safe to be on board. Under Cassi's and Sven's strict warnings you may be in any area of the ship you please, with the exception of the forward mail holds."

"What's in there?" Archie asked.

"They won't say." Julian replied. "But I hear from Ardeth and Carter it's something to do with an Egyptian curse and Imhotep wouldn't even set foot on board because of it, and if he's afraid of something, it's pretty bad."

From below decks, Julian turned seeing an unfamiliar blonde man in a scarlet uniform.

Lord Alexander Edrington had been below when he felt the ship change course. Upon reaching the main deck, he stared at Julian for a moment. "Who in blazes are _you_?"

Archie, hearing Edrington's voice, turned. "This is Julian, Milord." He explained. "He's mainly here to get us all into trouble."

Edrington frowned, confused, but soon noticed the great metal monster before them and stared, wide eyed. "Good heavens."

"As I said." Archie responded. "He's here to get us all into trouble."

Julian, pressing his hand to his ear. "Yeah, I've got them." He replied, unperturbedly. "The Indy is being attached to Black Pearl. Did you want me to bring them aboard?"

Edrington frowned. "Who's he talking to?"

Archie sighed. "That wouldn't be Cassi by any chance, would it?"

Reaching into the pocket of his uniform, he pulled out another ear piece and held it out to Archie. "Cassi says hi."

Oblivious to the inquisitive look from the Major beside him, Archie put on the com-link. "Hello, love. How's mischief?"

Hearing him, the Captain and the other Officers turned.

"Cassi is asking us to come aboard and has given a warning to try to avoid the children because they have paint ball guns." Archie announced.

Horatio's head shot up. "Tell me they're not playing with that water again."

Archie listened for a moment. "I would, but I'd be lying." He told his friend. "They've got two of the senior officers on their side and the rest as well as the Captain are children." He paused. "And she says the 5th Officer -a Mr. Lowe- looks like Mr. Hornblower."

"She also says if you value your uniform coats and hats, to leave them on board the Indy." Julian finished.

Without a word, the Captain and the others began to remove their coats.

"You're actually going along with this?" Edrington asked, gaping.

"Last time, they mugged us for our uniform coats." Horatio informed him, pointedly.

"I'm going to go get my boots on." Archie announced, heading below deck.

Exchanging a glance, the others raced off to do the same.

Edrington, already in his boots, stayed, eying Julian.

"You're really going to want to take that jacket off." Julian repeated. "They're asking for you to come too and if you wear that on board, it'll either be stolen from you at gunpoint or covered in paint."

After a moment, Edrington began to remove his coat and quietly went to go put it back with the rest of his belongings.

As soon as the men had returned to the main deck, some of them having changed from breeches to trousers, Julian gave a grin.

Within a split second, they were all standing on the stern of the large ship.

* * *

In Caledon Hockley's suite, the group of children were seated around the table in the private promenade. They'd placed pillows on the chairs to reach the table.

Cal had managed to convince Rose's maid, Trudy, to get them some lunch.

"I have to admit." Molly remarked looking around. "This place was worth the money."

The members of the crew nodded in agreement.

"Where's that manservant of yours, Hockley?" Jack Thayer questioned, looking around. "I haven't seen him anywhere."

Cal frowned. "I don't know." He replied, after swallowing some orange juice. "Haven't seen him since this whole thing started."

Rowe swallowed his mouthful of food. "I saw him a few hours ago." He spoke up. "Someone stuck a sign on his back that read, _'shove me overboard_.' I pulled it off him."

"Do you still have it?" Andrews asked curiously, in the midst of the laughter.

Rowe nodded, pulling out the folded paper. "Here."

Taking the paper, Thomas frowned. "This is a different handwriting than the others were."

Cal leaned over and rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "That's _Rose's_ handwriting." He remarked.

The others at the table sat in silence for a bit, then burst into giggles.

"She might be trying to tell you something there, Cal." Molly put in laughing.

From the next room of the suite, the children fell dead silent, hearing the door open.

Wilde jumped down from his chair and moved over to the doorway.

"Trudy?" Called out the voice of a little girl.

"It's Rose." Andrews whispered.

The others breathed a sigh of relief.

"In here Rose!" Molly called out.

Surprised, Rose, Jack Dawson, and Captain Smith followed their voices.

Rose, seeing Cal at the table, stared. "When did they get you?"

"Some little girl with black hair touched me." He told her.

"How did you get off the bridge?" Captain Smith asked, looking the group over.

"That balloon Andrews gave me had that water in it." Wilde informed them. "I hit Mr. Rowe with it."

"I see."

"Who brought the food?" Rose asked, pulling over another chair.

"Trudy." Cal responded. "Did you make sure no one saw you come in here?"

Rose nodded.

"Well then." Gracie cut in. "Shall we finish lunch?"

"Here here!" Jack Thayer announced, holding up his glass of juice.

The three others quickly pulled their chairs up to the table and attacked the food.

* * *

Meanwhile in the Verandah Café, Lights and Murdoch had finally finished bringing the wireless operators up to speed on the current situation, and they had finished lunch, letting the Compys take their dishes and silver back to the kitchen.

"So basically we're stuck this way until they're done playing around?" Phillips commented, more to himself.

Lights nodded. "They say they've done this a few times before and everything they mess up is returned to normal after they leave so nothing we do will get us into trouble."

"And really for the things we've already gotten away with, I'd say it was well worth it." Murdoch agreed with a snicker.

"Do tell." Bride responded eagerly.

* * *

Cassi grinned from the aft end of the boat deck. "I see an Archie!" She announced happily.

From the stern, Archie, hearing her over his com, squinted. "Good God." He responded. "Where are you, Cas?"

Styles nudged him and pointed up to the top deck where she was waving.

"Sirs, might I suggest we get out of 'ere?" Matthews suggested, pointing at a group that appeared to be sailors from the crew headed toward them.

"And go where?" Edrington asked incredulously. "They're all over the place."

Julian shrugged. "Catch me if you can!" He taunted, waving his hand.

The men in the group skidded to a stop as they were turned into children. For a moment they were terrified, looking at each other then as Julian advanced on them, they quickly scattered.

"Problem solved." Julian announced.

Archie stared. "Very interesting."

"Thank you." Julian replied.

"Hey!"

Julian and the Indy's group moved to the stern railing and looked down.

"How's about a hand up?" Becca asked, reaching up.

The men leaning over, managed to pull the group back on board the ship.

"Thanks." Silver responded, grinning. "That was fun."

"You guys wanna split up?" Mid suggested. "There's cool stuff to mess up all over the place!"

Archie, turning his gaze back toward the boat deck, gave Cassi a nod. "I'm gonna go after Cassi." He spoke up, headed forward.

"I'm coming with you." Horatio put in, taking off after his friend.

"I don't suppose they have a place serving spirits about?" Edrington asked, looking at Becca. "I believe I could use a drink."

Becca frowned. "We could either go back to the party in Third Class, or find a restaurant on First Class that hasn't been covered with rat guts or has Hannibal Lecter doing the cooking."

Pellew made a face. "They've been busy here then, I presume."

The group of young women grinned widely.

"I think the palm court dining hall is okay." Silver informed them. "I don't remember any messes in there."

"Lead away." Alexander responded, following her.

Pellew watched most of the group follow Becca's group and turned seeing Dr. Sebastian behind him. "I assume the quarter deck is going to be on the top deck toward the bow." The Captain remarked.

(Quarter deck = the bridge and wheel house.)

Luis nodded. "And I suspect that raptor Leon is about somewhere from the sound of things." He answered, the two of them heading in the direction Horatio and Archie had just run off in.

"Is that the one who seems to be attached to you?"

Luis nodded.

The pair climbed a section of stairs and jumped over the chain at the top. At this point in time, not much would surprise the pair, having already been through the Port Royal incident. This time at least they knew what the eventual outcome would be, and that nothing they did would matter anyway.

* * *

Up on A Deck, Shadowcat, or Kitty, as they were told to call her, lead Moody, Lowe and Siobhan through the walls to a corridor just off the glassed in section of the A deck Promenade.

"This is quite an interesting trick." Moody told her impressed.

"Thanks." Kitty replied, smiling. "Do you hear anyone coming?"

Lowe frowned as the door opened and closed to the glassed in promenade just around the corner from them. "Back!" He whispered.

The two men who passed didn't seem to notice the group. "I have to admit, this is overwhelming." One of them commented, in awe. Eying him, the children noted the British accent despite the man's Spanish appearance.

"It's certainly impressive." The other responded. "Pity the Royal Navy doesn't include such luxury."

"That it is."

As soon as the men were far enough to not overhear them, Moody peeked out after them. "Royal Navy?" He commented, thoughtfully. "Where do you suppose_ they_ came from?"

"That's Captain Sir Edward Pellew from the frigate _Indefatigable_." Kitty supplied. "The other is his ship's surgeon, Luis Sebastian. Cassi must have gotten Julian to get them here again."

At the familiar name, Lowe and Moody stared, wide eyed. "Sir Edward Pellew!" They gasped in awe.

Siobhan frowned. "Who is he?"

"Only one of the most preeminent Admirals in Navy History." Moody informed her in disbelief. "He actually _knew _Lord Horatio Nelson."

Siobhan looked impressed. "So what's he doing _here_?" She asked quietly. "By my calculations that would be a hundred years ago."

Kitty nodded. "If Captain Pellew is here, that means Cassi will be looking for Archie." She went on. "He's her other Assistant. And if Archie's here, so is Horatio."

Lowe frowned. "Nelson?"

"No, Hornblower." Kitty corrected. "He and Archie are like family and they serve under Pellew."

Moody turned to stare at her. "You mean Horatio Hornblower's here_ too_?"

Kitty shrugged. "Well I really don't know for sure." She responded. "But I'd say the chances are that if Pellew and Archie are on board, so is Horatio."

"Are you sure this Archie is on board?" James questioned.

"That would be a no-brainer." Kitty snorted, shaking her head. "Cassi has a thing about Archie. He's seriously her favorite Assistant and if any of Pellew's crew would be on this ship, he would be here. Cassi wouldn't have it any other way. Trust me. He's here."

* * *

Up on the boat deck, Cassi greeted Archie with a hug. "I knew you'd come." She remarked, smirking.

Archie gave a sheepish nod. "Well the last time you all did this, it was actually rather fun after a while." He admitted.

"Where did His Lord go off to?" Cassi asked. "I saw him with Becca."

"I believe Milord needed a stiff drink."

"Then I hope he doesn't get the tampered bottles." Cassi replied, with a guilty look. "They put Boot Rear and Seasick pills in them."

"Not to interrupt but there appears to be a rather colorful and very angry man coming this way." Horatio informed them, pointing.

"That would be Quartermaster Hitchens." Cassi told him. "Becca and her group did that."

"Somehow I feel rather fortunate _**we**_ didn't have that happen." Horatio replied, as the group took off down the boat deck.

"Where are we going?" Archie asked as they ran.

"Here." Cassi ordered, pulling them around a corner.

They pressed back against the wall as the very irritated Quartermaster went on past with his men.

Archie looked out as soon as he was gone. "Well that was different."

"Did Julian fill all of you in on this place?"

"Something about a sinking and what was the last part?" Horatio responded, frowning.

"Forward holds." Archie supplied.

"Stay out of there." Cassi told them both and looked around before she leaned forward and whispered so only the two could hear her.

Archie stared at her. "No!"

She nodded. "Sick huh?"

Archie and Horatio exchanged a glance. "Somehow it would figure I suppose." Archie finally responded, shaking his head. "Bloody morons."

Cassi lowered her voice. "Ix-nay on the inking-say." She warned them both. "We just made them all forget about it."

* * *

Aft, in the Verandah Café, Lights, Murdoch and the two wireless operators turned children were headed toward the doorway when they overheard voices.

Hearing it come closer, the group quickly ducked down.

"That's the place they sprayed all the rats in." Becca's voice remarked.

Frowning, Lights, closest to the doorway, leaned over. Had they brought in _more_ new people?

"That's disgusting." A man's voice replied.

"Ah, i's jus' rats." Another man responded. "A' Por' Royal, they sprayed _people_ all over the place."

"That was Logan and Freddy bar-hopping." Becca seemed to brush it off. "This was the raptors."

"Who are they?" Murdoch asked, in confusion.

Lights shrugged. "I think they've possibly just arrived." He answered. "I seem to recall them mentioning something about trashing Port Royal before though. Do you want to wait until they're gone or come out now and find out?"

Murdoch considered this. "We're supposed to be on their side. Let's go."

Lights nodded. "One second." Raising his voice so the people outside the room would hear him he went on. "Is there anyone looking out there?"

Becca stopped in her tracks and turned to face the open doorway. "No, not at the moment."

"It's Lights and Murdoch." Mid told the others. "Second and First Officers. But why they're in the Rat-death camp, I have no clue."

"Eating dinner." Lights informed her, matter of factly.

"EEEeeeewww." The women responded.

Upon seeing the clothing of the new arrivals, Lights and Murdoch exchanged a glance. They both knew quickly enough that not only was the group from the Royal Navy, but their clothing indicated they were from a century farther back in time.

"Mercantile Marine?" A higher ranking blonde questioned.

"Something like that." Lights responded.

"You changed your clothes." Silver commented.

"We were getting chased by crew." Murdoch remarked. "So we took off our uniforms."

"Who are the kids?" Becca questioned.

"Phillips and Bride." Lights told her. "The wireless operators. We found them outside the Marconi shack."

Murdoch's head jerked up. "We need to move. We're out in the open."

Hearing the voices, the group ducked into the Palm court Café, adjacent to the Verandah.

Once in the room, a group of First Class Passengers looked up from their tables.

"Nobody move!" Becca announced. "We're checking on the rat situation!"

Hearing this of course the Passengers quickly jumped up and deserted the place, leaving the room empty.

"Perfect, now just lead the crew right to us." Murdoch retorted, shaking his head.

"Actually, from the stampede that left the place they'll likely assume the Raptor Squad is here." Mid responded.

"Duck!" Lights ordered.

The group knelt on the floor behind a few chairs as the members of the crew only briefly looked in before leaving.

"I think they've gone." Bride put in quietly.

"Good." The blond man replied. "I need a drink."

"Make sure you grab a bottle that hasn't been tampered with." Becca informed him. "Otherwise you'll be sorry."

As the blond man walked off with Mid to the pantry, the others exchanged a glance. "Where did Mr. Kennedy and Mr. 'Ornblower go?" One of them asked.

At the name, Lights and Murdoch exchanged a wide eyed glance. Had the man asked what they thought he had?

"Probably the Boat Deck if they were looking for Cassi." Becca told them.

"And who exactly are all of you?" Lights asked, after a moment.

"This is Styles, Matthews, Oldroyd, and Mr. Bowles." Becca responded. "They're from the Inde-Fat-Igable."

Lights and Murdoch stared. "And the others on board that ship?" Lights questioned.

Becca shrugged. "I dunno." She answered. "They all split up. I think the Captain and the doctor were headed to the Bridge though."

"Would that be Captain Sir Edward Pellew by chance?" Murdoch asked.

The men looked back at them. "'Ow'd ye know?" Styles returned.

"Let's just say he's famous and leave it there?" Silver suggested.

"And who is the other one?" Phillips asked.

"Oh, that's Major Edrington." Becca informed them. "He's the Earl of Edrington."

"Army?"

Becca nodded.

* * *

Farther over on A Deck, Captain Pellew and Dr. Sebastian were standing face to face with J Bruce Ismay, taken slightly aback at the man's strange appearance.

They had stopped the man to politely inform him what was shaved into his hair. Naturally, this irritated the man who then started yelling at them as if they were to blame for the paint on his clothing as well as his hair.

Sir Edward, not fazed by the man's attitude, merely looked down his nose at him before calmly motioning to Luis to just ignore the man.

The two turned without a word and calmly resumed their journey to the Bridge.

Ismay, outraged they would ignore him, started to follow when the sound of footsteps caused him to turn. He quickly spotted the four children on the Promenade and backed away noticing that the two boys were holding two of the paint guns and one of them, covered in purple paint, had already shot at him once.

From the corridor behind Ismay, Captain Pellew turned, hearing the small steps.

Not wanting to hit the famous Captain by mistake, Moody and Lowe moved to another position, aiming their guns. Ismay was looking around for an escape, but the door was too far away.

Luis frowned, remembering that the children were likely either passengers or members of the crew. From the clothing of the two boys, they were certainly crew. Obviously the man they had tried to assist was not a well liked man.

"Wait." One of the girls protested.

Pellew raised an eyebrow watching the little red headed girl approach the man.

Looking up at him she grinned. "You have paint in your hair." She informed the man.

Staring at the girl in stunned shock, he recognized her clothing and then turned to look at the two boys, suddenly recognizing them to be Officers.

Before he could respond, Miss Andrews gave him a swift kick in the shin and ran back to the group. "Now you can shoot, Harold."

Grinning, the boys opened fire, pelting the man with paint splats.

Noting the grin, Pellew's eyes widened in recognition. The boy's smile was identical to that of Lieutenant Hornblower, and having seen Hornblower as a five year old in Port Royal, he noted the boy was identical with the exception of the short hair.

"Fifth Officer." Luis whispered under his breath. "They said he looked like Horatio."

"Indeed he does."

Wisely, the pair backed away from the paint covered man and realizing the children would not shoot at them, they nodded at the group and resumed their journey to the Bridge.

In the Promenade, the group, with Kitty leading them disappeared into the wall.

END CHAPTER FOURTEEN


	16. Another Whiplash?

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: "**_**ANOTHER WHIPLASH?"**_

On the Boat Deck, Archie, Cassi and Horatio jumped the railing between the First Class Promenade to the Officer's Promenade for the third time in fifteen minutes before the group, tired of running turned and stopped, calmly waiting for the sailors to catch up to them.

"Unarmed you say?" Archie commented quietly.

"Yep." Cassi responded. "Unless they have their own weapons, Lights is the only one who knows where the firearms are and he's on our side."

Archie smiled, waving at the sailors who stopped short about thirty yards away, not trusting Cassi. "Can we shoot them?"

Cassi frowned "Well we haven't been, even if Sven did shoot the Chief Officer, but if you want to, sure go on. Just not anyone important."

"Well we left our pistols on the ship." Horatio reminded Archie.

"Speak for yourself." Archie responded. "I may have left my _other_ pistol on the ship, but I brought the SpoofSet Glock and it's got a full clip in it."

"Okay, shoot." Cassi ordered.

"Aye-aye, ma'am." Archie responded, pulling the Glock from his hidden holster and taking aim.

Wide eyed, part of the sailors chasing them turned and ran as the gun went off.

* * *

Down in the Palm Court, Lights' head shot up, hearing the report from the pistol through the doorway.

"Who the bloody hell is shooting?" Murdoch wondered out loud.

"I dunno." Becca told him, honestly. "Pretty much all of us have weapons. Could be _any_one."

Lights and Murdoch shook their heads sighing. "And the reason no one except Wilde has died is because?"

Becca rolled her eyes. "I didn't say that." She informed him. "Actually they could have killed several before now in any part of the ship. Just because you don't hear it doesn't mean they didn't do it. Heck, I think the _raptors_ killed a couple people. They just didn't _eat_ them. Seriously, think about it. Have you seen any of the lookouts or the stokers? Pyro was down in the Boiler Room when Whiplash was on the bridge."

Edrington shook his head and took another drink, draining his glass. "I think perhaps we'd better find where the others have gotten to."

"Can someone change us back first, please?" Phillips requested.

Becca shrugged. "Yeah sure." She replied, pulling out her water gun and shooting each of the two boys.

"Thank you." Bride replied.

"Well at any rate, you now have a break from the Marconi shack." Lights remarked. "Just try to avoid the ones who are still children or they'll cover you in paint."

Edrington shook his head. Being an Earl, the idea of getting his clothing full of paint certainly didn't appeal to him. "We should definitely find the others."

"They might not shoot your Captain." Murdoch told him turning around. "Everyone working for the White Star Line is in the Royal Navy Reserves. They're going to know him if they hear his name or the name of the ship you came from."

"And what happens if they don't hear who he is first?"

"Well, not to point out the obvious, but have you looked in a mirror?" Lights asked, pointedly. "We could tell from your clothing where you come from. We might not have caught the fact that you were Army and the others were Navy, but that was because you're not wearing a uniform coat."

"They made us leave those on the ship." Edrington responded, turning to look at Becca. "Something about being covered in paint or stolen at gunpoint." He paused, looking back at Lights. "But I take your point."

Becca stuck her lip out, making a face. "Darn, I _liked_ your uniform coat." She pouted.

Murdoch nodded. "We'd best be getting out of here." He replied, finally. "Likely anyone who heard that shooting is headed to the Boat Deck to see what's going on, so I think we'd better not go up there."

Lights nodded, turning back to Edrington. "You can get up there by the crew's access stairs." He informed the man, pointing in the correct direction."

"Thank you." Edrington answered, heading in that direction with the others following him.

Lights, Murdoch, Phillips and Bride looked both ways and headed another direction.

* * *

FUN FACT: By the way, for those who don't know, the Royal Navy Reserves (RNR) part is true. It's a condition for serving in the White Star Line as well as the Cunard Line that the _Carpathia_ came from, which is why all the Seamen and crew that survived the sinking without permanent damage were drafted into the Navy when World War 1 began not long after _Titanic_ sank.

* * *

Down in Cal's suite on B Deck, Captain Smith was organizing the group to split up. They had heard the gunshots from above through Cal's open Promenade window and fearing for the crew's safety Captain Smith had decided to make sure his crew was okay, despite the risk of getting caught.

After splitting up the Officers in the room to each take a different group, the Captain and Andrews headed quickly for the Boat Deck.

In the room, Cal looked at Wilde. "Where are the Officer's firearms?"

Wilde shrugged. "I don't know." He replied. "Lights is the only one who does."

Cal sighed. "And he's on their side."

"Not with that." Boxhall corrected. "Murdoch got upset earlier when that Sven shot Wilde. Lights is not going to give them firearms, so unless they have their own it's not them."

"What if they _do_ have their own?" Jack questioned, pointedly. "Just because they haven't killed more than one doesn't mean they're not _all_ carrying weapons. Sven obviously has her own weapon."

"He's right." Wilde remarked.

* * *

Up on the Boat Deck, Archie had stopped shooting after he'd killed three and the others had run. "Problem solved." He concluded.

"Mr. Kennedy!"

Archie winced, hearing his Captain and turned, saluting. "Yes sir!"

"Do you suppose you could at least wait an hour before you start killing off all the crew?"

"I told him to shoot." Cassi informed the Captain. "They were chasing us and I didn't feel like running anymore. My legs hurt."

"And you couldn't just snap your fingers and turn them into children?"

"So I'm lazy. Sue me." She retorted, shrugging. "We have enough five year olds running around with paint guns."

* * *

Down on the Second Class Promenade, a five year old boy with blue eyes looked up, hearing gunshots for the second time during what had likely qualified as one of the weirder days in his long life. Having heard about the officer that had been brought back from the dead earlier, he didn't give it a second thought. He could feel no permanent danger being done to the timeline, so he had decided to back off and watch the events as they happened.

Hidden in an inside pocket of his worn black leather jacket he kept the water pistol he had lifted off one of the other travelers. When he felt like it, he would change himself back to his real form. At the moment, however, the whole situation was rather fun. A distraction of sorts from the memories of how he had died the last time. This was a lot more fun than he had originally planned to have when he'd snuck on board the ship in South Hampton, having left his own ship down in a quiet cargo hold.

He'd actually been relieved when he'd heard that the visitors had ordered their group to avoid the forward holds. Their speaking of a curse down there made no difference to him, of course, but the point was his ship would remain safely hidden from them.

"You! Boy!"

The boy in black turned around to see one of the crew looking at him suspiciously. He gave the man a cheeky grin.

"We have orders to confine anyone suspected of being with the group of visitors." The steward informed him. "And you don't appear to be dressed like a passenger."

The boy shrugged. He knew it would be pointless to tell the man he had no idea who the visitors were and had been just as surprised as anyone else on the ship when all the action had started. "Catch me if you can." He finally responded, sweetly, before he took off down the hallway running.

"Stop that boy!" The steward shouted, giving chase.

* * *

Back behind Lifeboat 5 on the Starboard side of the Officer's Promenade, where Lowe, Moody, Kitty and Siobhan had headed after pelting Ismay with paint, Moody and Lowe were having a whispered conversation debating the gunshots they'd just heard from the Port side as to whether they should check it out.

Kitty and Siobhan finally exchanged a glance and clamped their hands over the boys' mouths.

"You're gonna get us busted if you don't keep it down." Kitty whispered, severely in Moody's ear.

James pulled her hand off his mouth and nodded. "Duck!"

The group dropped to the behind the lifeboat as a group of crewmen came running. "When did they start carrying weapons?"

"I don't know." The other man responded. "How many did he get?"

"Three I think." The other answered, panting. "Find Hitchens. We may need the fire arms."

Moody and Lowe stared wide eyed.

"They're _shooting_ the crew?" Siobhan whispered.

"Like they can't just bring them back?" Kitty reminded her.

Moody frowned a moment. "Well, I suppose you have a point. Still, if they're carrying real guns that doesn't seem very fair considering none of us are."

"Speak for yourself." Lowe responded, shrugging. "I have a loaded pistol under my_ bed_."

Moody turned to look at his friend. "And you've not thought of getting it?"

"Well they weren't originally killing anyone with them before now." Lowe reminded him.

"Shut up!" Kitty ordered.

"Where did they go?" An unfamiliar voice called out in a British accent.

"They got lost if they know what was good for them." This voice they recognized as Cassi's.

"Archie." Kitty whispered. "See? What did I tell you? Frickin Director's _Pet._ He gets away with pretty much _every_thing."

Archie laughed. "You think I should wait an hour before I kill off all the rest then?" He asked, pausing to look Cassi in the face.

Cassi frowned, considering this. "Well, it _was _Captain's idea." She admitted. "What time do you have? We can go count minutes."

The others leaned out to get a look at the trio now walking down the Boat Deck.

On the other side of Archie, the dark haired one finally spoke. "If you can't behave yourself Captain Pellew is going to make you stay on the ship, Archie."

"You even think that's possible?" Archie retorted, smirking.

"Staying on the ship or behaving yourself?" His friend returned with a devious look.

"Neither." Cassi replied.

Lowe's eyes widened. He wasn't looking at the one she'd told him was Archie. "That isn't another _Whiplash_, is it?" He asked, motioning to the other long haired man.

Siobhan stared. "Not dressed like that."

Kitty rolled her eyes. "Of course not, silly." She quipped, matter of factly. "That's Horatio Hornblower.  
I told you he and Archie are like family."

Moody stared. "Wow." He put in after a moment. "I wonder if somewhere in there you were related to him, Harry. That's weird."

Lowe rolled his eyes. "Of course." He retorted with a snort. "And Whiplash must be related to_ both_ of us then." _[and next YE, he can meet Mr. Fantastic –hint hint—]_

Siobhan covered her mouth choking in laughter at the thought.

Moody, noticing, gave in to his own laughter.

"Great." Kitty grumbled. "If we get busted, and I have to get you out of here again, I'm kicking your ass."

"Well you've been caught but not by anyone who is on _their_ side."

The group turned to see the Captain with Andrews.

"Uncle Thomas!" Siobhan cried, hugging him. "Where have you been? We haven't seen you since the party."

"Stuck on the Bridge a while and then we ate in Mr. Hockley's suite." Andrews informed them. "He's in the same fix as the rest of us."

"What were the shots about?" Smith asked, eying Kitty.

"This is Kitty Pryde." Moody informed the Captain. "She's one who came with Cassi and Sven."

The Captain looked Kitty over a moment and nodded, shaking her hand. "And the gunshots."

"Archie." Kitty responded. "His name is Archie Kennedy. He's Cassi's Assistant and he just came on board. They said something about three sailors being shot by Archie."

"I see." Captain Smith replied, considering this.

"There is more than that." Lowe told him with a grin.

Andrews and EJ turned to look at him.

"He's from the _Indefatigable_."

The two looked at each other wide eyed then back at Lowe.

"Is that ship the same one I _think_ it is?" Smith questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Moody nodded. "We've already seen her Captain." He replied. "And with Mr. Kennedy is a Mr. Hornblower; who strangely enough looks like Harry is now triplets instead of twins."

Andrews blinked. "Interesting."

Smith shook his head. "They're certainly turning this place into their own personal circus, aren't they?"

"You should see the normal Spoofs." Kitty informed him shrugging. "Well, 'normal' isn't really the right word, but let's say it's very . . . eventful."

* * *

Heading back up from where the party had been, Amanda, Ask, and Riddick approached a stairway leading to the Second Class from the Third Class. At the top of the stairs was a locked iron gate.

Riddick didn't even blink. He stuck a knife into the closure and popped the lock, opening the gate. "We really should rig these things to blow or something. It will make things easier later." He commented.

"I think the crew would notice before they go down." Amanda reminded him.

"True." Riddick admitted, shrugging. "But still, it was worth considering."

"Where did everyone go?" Ask put in, looking around the Second Class hallway.

"Hiding from us, if they know what's good for them." Amanda smirked.

"I meant Sven, Cassi and Becca."

"Com said something about Archie turning up, so I suspect Cassi is up looking for him." Riddick replied. "Becca was with her group at the back of the ship doing vandalism, and I have no clue where Sven is."

"Someone stop that boy!" A voice shouted from nearby.

The trio looked up seeing a small boy in black round the corner. Spotting them, he gave a grin and turned to look at his pursuer.

Riddick frowned, eying the boy and turned to the others, who shrugged.

The boy didn't stop. He ran right past them and disappeared through the opened metal gate they had just come through.

The steward chasing him skidded to a stop, staring at Riddick, recognizing their group as being part of the ringleaders to the whole mess. Forgetting the boy in black, he turned and left back the way he'd come, in search of backup.

"Well that was . . . intimidating." Ask commented, smirking.

"He was alone." Riddick pointed out. "Apparently he can take a five year old but the three of us are a threat."

"Speaking of that, who was _that_ kid?" Amanda demanded, turning to look through the opened gate.

Riddick shook his head. "I have no clue." He answered. "Is he one of the passengers?"

"In a leather jacket dressed like _that_?" Ask remarked. "I doubt it."

"He's not one of our crew." Amanda told them, shaking her head.

"Another five year old running around." Riddick retorted, shaking it off. "I guess we'll find out if someone with his description leaves with us. He could be a new guy. Not everyone came on board when we did. Come on, let's find the others and have some more fun."

The others nodded and followed him in the direction the steward had run off in.

* * *

**FUN FACT:** Yes that was who you thought it was….and HE was the one who said he was on the _Titanic._ We'll just assume he kept a low profile, blending in with all the other five year olds in funny clothes.

A/N And for you still following this, I'm finally going to finish it. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can write it.


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